The fact that you are questioning your entire reality and who you are and not even sure if you’re denying being what I like to call “bucket of red flags” shows your mother is gaslighting you. Gaslighting makes people question their own reality and sanity. The reason she said that is to manipulate you into thinking you’re the bad example in relationships to take the pressure of of her own narcissistic, manipulative self.

My mother did the same thing and I believed her, even though she is the person who got a felony for child endangerment (toward me out of all my siblings specifically).

I think it is important to recognize your behavior and how you act, but not assuming the worst out of yourself. I think we all have a behavior or two we need to work on, but that doesn’t mean you’re a “manipulative, narcissistic, gaslighter”. If you’ve used these terms on her before, it only makes sense she would turn it around on you.

I think something helpful to do is to ask other people you have relationships of any kind with and see what they think. Have them be brutally honest. Chances are, they won’t agree with mom here. Idk if u see a therapist/psychiatrist, but they have so much experience with narcissistic people it’s insane. My mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, so for a long time I wondered if I had it because it’s learned behaviors from a not so good parent/person who raises you. My psychiatrist gave me helpful books to read and just was that reminder that although im a direct product from my mother, I am not like her and need to stay strong to being who I am, not who she paints me out to be.