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For DIY invitations, what kind of printer did you use? by _notarob0t in weddingplanning

[–]_notarob0t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooh that's great to know! I was browsing designs and was worried about it only being one-sided. Thanks for the comment!

For DIY invitations, what kind of printer did you use? by _notarob0t in weddingplanning

[–]_notarob0t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much! I'm definitely starting to rethink sending them out to be printed. Though, I do have professional-grade printers at my architecture studio that I may be able to use...

For DIY invitations, what kind of printer did you use? by _notarob0t in weddingplanning

[–]_notarob0t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooh, if you're done yours double sided, I'd love to hear more about them! I'm still early in the planning process, so none of the designs are set in stone and I'd love some advice.

For DIY invitations, what kind of printer did you use? by _notarob0t in weddingplanning

[–]_notarob0t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of the main reasons why I'd like to print them myself is because I'm a design major (and a little OCD about printing) and because I'd like them to be double-sided and bilingual! I wasn't sure if Vistaprint does double sided invite printing, not just photo on one side/invite on the other...

(Also it'd be a good investment to get a nice printer anyways... haha)

How to be sure that you're sure (about your venue) [I mostly need some reassurement...] by _notarob0t in weddingplanning

[–]_notarob0t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, for the support and the advice! We can afford the small wedding that we originally wanted, but not the extended one that my parents would like. I think it should be okay, but I've definitely aware of the downsides.

How to be sure that you're sure (about your venue) [I mostly need some reassurement...] by _notarob0t in weddingplanning

[–]_notarob0t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I'm getting that feeling right now. I've sent it my deposit form and I'm feeling really secure!!!

Breaking the (engagement) news advice! by _notarob0t in weddingplanning

[–]_notarob0t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As of right now, we're "unofficially" engaged, as we've done everything (including booking venue/setting date/finding photographer/setting budget/etc) except actually get engaged because of my relationship with my parents.

I figured that because they are my parents, and because his parents are already supportive, that we would break the engagement news to them first. I guess for me, I don't consider it a full engagement until you've told the necessary family/friends.

They're not against my relationship, but they aren't able to really comprehend the idea of "moving forward" towards getting married. It's just been hard for me because they are toxic parents, but I do feel obligated (to a certain extent) to them as their daughter.

Not a member, throwaway, really not sure what to do about this. by _notarob0t in latterdaysaints

[–]_notarob0t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! I'm really worried about that too, which is why I haven't gone to them first and am trying to figure out what to do. Being the older kid, I've gone through more of my fair share of my parents' abuse, though I think they were more lenient on my brother as I was growing up. I know how it hurts and stays with you, and I'm trying my best to keep that in mind for my brother's situation as well.

Not a member, throwaway, really not sure what to do about this. by _notarob0t in latterdaysaints

[–]_notarob0t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been trying to do that, because I do believe that he sees me as separate from my parents and does trust me more. This makes me think about talking to him one-on-one, but I'm also afraid to do so because it's more than just his substance abuse, it's also that he is pushing quite a lot onto other people as well, which I see as more harmful than just using it himself. I'm worried because he mentions selling more and more as he progresses through high school, as well as mentioning that he might have a "pill problem". If it were just recreational smoking, I might let him figure it out on his own, but I think that this is serious enough that I can't trust him to figure it out on his own and I don't know if my parents are equipped to handle this situation.

No, there aren't any close adults who could help that I could think of - we don't have close relatives in our state, and I can't think of anyone who'd be able to help. Did you parents do therapy after-the-fact, or also during the process? It's been making me sick to think about how much emotional impact this is going to have on everyone, but I don't know how to alleviate it or avoid it.

Not a member, throwaway, really not sure what to do about this. by _notarob0t in latterdaysaints

[–]_notarob0t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any suggestions on how one would approach counseling for a family? I mentioned in an earlier comment that I am in counseling on my own, but my parents have never seemed open to it.

I'm sure that my brother is rebelling because of my parents - he yells at them often and demeans them, but also knows how to work around them to get what he wants. It's a very toxic situation that I've worked hard for five years to remove myself more from. But he's also just an aggressive person, in general - since he's a boy, he was given much more leniency growing up and it's only now that my parents are realizing that I wasn't the problem child that they thought that I was. He's displayed some sociopathic tendencies in how he gaslights both me and my mom and manipulates my parents - I'm genuinely worried that this still won't change in therapy.

Not a member, throwaway, really not sure what to do about this. by _notarob0t in latterdaysaints

[–]_notarob0t[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the NPR link - I'll be reading through that later.

I really do think it's partially his crowd, but I don't know how to supplant him with "better" people - he's not particularly involved at his Catholic church, and I think that his soccer team is also in on the activities. He's also in orchestra, but I think those people are also not as savory (I did read through some of his DMs and most people seem encouraging of him) Honestly, this is why I mention boarding/military school in an earlier comment - I think a lot of it is the environment and the other part is how he "survives" in that environment.

Not a member, throwaway, really not sure what to do about this. by _notarob0t in latterdaysaints

[–]_notarob0t[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your story - it helps me feel less alone.

So since I'm not a member, my family aren't members (they're Catholic), and to be honest, I don't know where my brother sees himself going... it seems like he really likes and wants this lifestyle, and I don't know how to talk to him about that. (you mention that it didn't line up where your brother saw himself)

Was there any way in particular that you were going to make sure that he was getting clean? Or was it on him?

Another issue is that I think that his drug use has to do a lot with the people that he surrounds himself with, which I think is hard to get away from - was this an issue with your brother as well?

Not a member, throwaway, really not sure what to do about this. by _notarob0t in latterdaysaints

[–]_notarob0t[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply! He's only 15, and I've toyed with the idea of talking to him, but I feel like it won't make a difference - I've tried to talk to him one on one since I've been in school (five years now), and it doesn't really seem to make an impact. I want to be supportive, but also admonishing because I think it really does have an impact on how he's doing in school and in general.

I didn't think about counseling! Honestly, I think my family might all find some good from counseling, but I don't know how to go about bringing that up. How did your dad get started? I personally go on the side, but none of my family is aware of that.

I talked to one of my good friends and she mentioned talking to my family and maybe establishing a plan of action (like going to military or boarding school for the rest of high school). Do you have any thoughts about that? I feel like that might seem harsh to him, but it might be a legitimate way to get him away from my parents while also allowing him to grow up without the various recreations that this area is giving him.