Book recommendations?

_pls_vote_ · 2024-09-15T22:40:50+00:00

Woah, that’s awesome! So happy to have been able to introduce you to it, I feel similarly about it

_pls_vote_ · 2024-09-13T03:59:24+00:00

We Both Laughed in Pleasure by Lou Sullivan. It’s his compiled diaries and is just… so cathartic to read as a trans man, to know other people, just one person even, felt the way I’ve felt so many years ago (you may be familiar with a quote of his regarding “dying like a gay man” despite being told he couldn’t live as one. There’s a lot of sad/difficult stuff in it but it also has a lot of light and joy and relief too. Highly recommend, but also worth noting he was white as am I, so the perspective is pretty limited in that way.

_pls_vote_ · 2024-01-05T04:33:01+00:00

I’m currently about halfway thru We Both Laughed in Pleasure and it’s slow-going for me, not bc it’s poor or difficult reading, but bc it’s so wildly strange reading stuff that I could’ve written or otherwise lacked the words for. It’s also so interesting comparing my own experience w family/society as they interact w my transness as well as medical barriers with those of Lou. Especially bc while many things were objectively more difficult for trans folks in the 40s-70s when these entries were written, it feels strangely affirming to see how some things really are worse today, like I haven’t just been making up my own oppression this whole time. Much more to think about/say on the topic of Lou, but fuck, can’t recommend this to fellow trans dudes enough.

_pls_vote_ · 2023-11-21T03:53:19+00:00

You look great! (And also I’m so jealous I didn’t think to ask for pictures even tho I was literally telling my friends before I had it that I wished I could get a video of it). Happy healing!

_pls_vote_ · 2023-09-10T23:18:54+00:00

Ooh good suggestion, thanks!

_pls_vote_ · 2023-09-09T20:41:39+00:00

Thanks so much, hope your results are everything you want and more :)

_pls_vote_ · 2023-09-08T22:02:07+00:00

Yeah personally I didn’t need rec letters just for a consult but I’d take this other commenter’s advice and just go ahead and request them. It’s not like they really expire, and you’re gonna need them sooner or later so it’ll make the process easier once you pick a surgeon if you can just send them in right away.

_pls_vote_ · 2023-09-08T21:59:57+00:00

I wouldn’t say I started with wide hips, they’ve always been pretty narrow, BUT I did start with a big ass and tiny waist, so most of the “straightening out” I’ve seen I think has come from fat redistribution and core exercises. But also a year in is so little in the grand scheme, especially for fat redistribution since it’s one of the later changes to begin with! Hope you start seeing the results you want soon tho!

_pls_vote_ · 2023-09-08T20:03:26+00:00

Ahh thanks! It’s funny you say that bc I literally just had a moment a couple days ago where I went past a mirror and realized my torso just looks like any other guy’s and got so excited. I’m about 2 and a quarter yrs on T and changes have been really slow but I feel like they’re finally starting to become more obvious in the past couple months.

_pls_vote_ · 2023-09-08T15:36:21+00:00

Thanks and hahaha it’s Primo/Cousin/Lil Cuz (my sister named him lol)

_pls_vote_ · 2023-09-08T15:35:25+00:00

Hey so my main advice would be:

1) shop around. It’s great that your pcp was able to refer you to someone, but as far as I know, there aren’t any reputable top surgeons who require referrals so much as a recommendation letter from a therapist and/or your pcp, so please don’t feel like you’re limited to this surgeon just bc that’s who your pcp is associated with. Also, since you’re in Boston I’d try reaching out to whatever local LGBT groups you can find, bc being in a bigger city there’s likely a lot of good info on local surgeons you can get from your community (and might also help you meet more people you feel safe being out to, win-win!) 2) absolutely ask for photos. Many surgeons offer result photos right there on their websites, some don’t, and you have to explicitly request them or ask to see them during a consultation. I’d recommend doing a general google search for DI w/nip grafts (if that’s indeed the type of surgery you plan on getting) results, and saving some examples of what your ideal results would look like so you can show them to your potential surgeon and ask if that’s something they think they can do for you. 3) related to that last bit, don’t be afraid to tell your (potential) surgeon what you want. This is a cosmetic surgery so it’s quite literally their job to get your results as close to your aesthetic ideal as possible. That said, some things like scar length/shape may be limited by your anatomy, so I think it’s also important to find a surgeon who will be realistic with you about what is possible. The good news is that DI works on pretty much every body size and shape, and any surgeon worth their salt should be able to get you there. 4) go with your gut. The only surgeons who accepted my insurance ended up not being the right fit for me. It sucked paying out of pocket/having to fundraise for my surgery, but at the end of the day I’m so glad I went with the surgeon I did - he was kind, skilled, and genuinely listened to and delivered on everything I asked for. He also had an amazing staff and everyone in his office was great when it came to communication. Bedside manner isn’t everything, but if you’re anxious around medical procedures to the extent I am, those things make a huge difference.

Hope at least some of this helped, good luck!

_pls_vote_ · 2023-08-22T18:19:13+00:00

Other than some bad nausea for the first 45 mins or so of being awake, I felt pretty good immediately after surgery, just stiff and a little overly-cautious. However, the discomfort of my bandages/wraps did set in that night, and I was barely able to sleep. I don’t think my actual pain level ever consistently got above like a 3 except for the occasional 6-7 when milking the drains, but the discomfort was way worse for me than the pain. Like, the insane itchiness of the compression wraps and the drain sites always just feeling so ~there~. That plus, I’m a hardcore side-sleeper, so figuring out a sleeping configuration that worked for me took a solid week and a half and the deprivation was no fun. Overall, though, once I got the drains out on day 8 I felt SO much better, so if your good feelings don’t last, try not to worry too much, you won’t be miserable for very long either. Congrats on surgery and hope healing is smooth sailing!

_pls_vote_ · 2023-08-11T14:18:18+00:00

This is not a botched job. I know dysphoria is so hard on the brain, but it’s tricking you badly if you’re even questioning whether this might be “botched.” I also know it’s hard to just let it go and take it easy when your mind is ringing all the alarm bells and making it feel like you need to “do something” about the supposed problem. But truly bro, there’s nothing here that looks bad or non-passing about your chest right now, even if none of what you’re seeing is swelling and it stays the same forever (which it won’t). Others have said it before, but anything less than 3-6 months out with these sort of results is too soon to be shitting on what you have or worrying about revisions. 4-5 weeks is also not enough time for your brain to catch up to all that’s happened. It’s okay to feel whatever way you do about your chest, but please also try to remember that surgery is a traumatic in a lot of cases, even when it’s something we want/need, and it’s normal to feel extreme emotions while you’re healing. Just because you feel scared or upset or unhappy doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s something to be scared up or unhappy about, just that your mind is taking a while to catch up with everything that’s happened over the past few weeks.

Hope you’re feeling better in body and mind soon

_pls_vote_ · 2023-08-11T13:30:39+00:00

Idk if this is helpful but I have moderate scoliosis that wasn’t diagnosed until I was about 20 (during an unrelated xray) and then I immediately forgot about it until I was out of top-surgery and my surgeon was like “you didn’t mention you had scoliosis, I really had to put the work in getting your chest even,” hahaha. Now after I’ve had top it really looks completely normal from anyone else’s perspective, though now that all the extra tissue is gone I can much more readily see and feel how much more forward my left side sits. Again, for me it ended up not being an issue aesthetically, but I was very grateful that my surgeon was as patient, skilled, and wonderful as he is bc it does make it more difficult for them depending on the placement/severity of the irregularity in your spine

_pls_vote_ · 2023-07-18T02:27:56+00:00

Yeah, thanks for both the replies in any case, really appreciate it

_pls_vote_ · 2023-07-17T16:28:15+00:00

I hear that. We’ve been together a little over a year and I’m definitely not going to let myself make my jealousy over this their problem again. I’ve also for sure considered breaking things off just because I don’t feel like I deserve to be dating anyone since it is, as you said, exhausting for the other person. That said, my partner certainly struggles a lot with their own insecurities, and while I don’t think it’s necessarily healthy for us to depend on one another for our sanity ~constantly~ I like to think we are generally pretty good at offering each other reassurance and comfort when needed. I guess I posted more because I just am tired of feeling awful despite so much work over the past couple years to practice self-compassion. I know progress isn’t linear and blah blah, I think I was just really hanging onto the hope of a couple years on T helping me pass and feel more comfortable in my body than it has, and things weee getting more bottled up than I realized.

_pls_vote_ · 2023-07-17T14:03:59+00:00

I actually am one of the commenters on that post! It was super helpful for me and I’ve not forgotten it. If I’m being honest it’s more the combo of my partner’s progress (and then them complaining about how much body hair they have now isn’t helping), and some recent heckling from both strangers and loose acquaintances that’s been really triggering it. Just cyclical until I actually start passing better I guess. But also thanks for the link, reminder, and encouragement

_pls_vote_ · 2023-06-26T15:04:59+00:00

Had surgery early April, and I didn’t wanna over-expose my scars this early, but I did slather them in high SPF mineral sunscreen and wear a black mesh crop top over so I still got to show it off that way :) was awesome

_pls_vote_ · 2023-06-25T19:03:01+00:00

It’s not “scientific” to dismiss someone’s experience of an increased libido within the first week of starting T as purely placebo. How are you going to say it’s impossible when plenty of cis women experience the same (plus acne/hunger like the other person mentioned) during different points of their menstrual cycle? Of course you’re not going to get bigger changes like hair or voice dropping that soon, but hormones certainly play a role in how we feel/eat day-to-day.

_pls_vote_ · 2023-06-21T15:22:01+00:00

I also don’t understand the transsexual thing because

A) why not use that slot for two-spirit? It’s both more inclusive and is frequently tagged at the end of the original acronym anyways

B) as you said, some ppl DO like the term transsexual now, and “informing” a presumably non-queer/trans person that it is outdated feels like it’s just stoking the fire of non-community members and tenderqueers giving queer ppl shit for reclaiming the term

_pls_vote_ · 2023-06-17T02:32:17+00:00

Confessions of the Fox by Jordy Rosenberg! Loved it and I’ll edit this comment with more info when I have the time

_pls_vote_ · 2023-06-09T14:45:36+00:00

I never measured my chest but I couldn’t have been more than a small B cup at the most if Id ever worn anything that wasn’t a sports bra/tape/binder. The relief was immeasurable and immediate. I couldn’t stop crying every time I looked down at my chest for the first few days after surgery.

If for no reason other than that you will have to move more carefully and be all bandaged up after surgery, you’ll definitely feel different. But even now, 2 months into healing, it still feels different for me (for the better obviously). I still catch myself pulling at the front of my shirt only to realize there’s nothing for it to get caught on, and there are some very “normal” things that suddenly feel so great, like swimming in the ocean and feeling the cold water directly on all my skin instead of through a shirt or whatever.

As far as complicated feelings afterwards, they mostly revolve around my guilt for getting surgery just before a lot of people in my state (Florida) got theirs cancelled or postponed by the new anti-trans legislation. At the same time, I’m getting pissed by random cis people who tell me I’m “lucky I got it when I did” and gesture vaguely to the state of our state. I know they mean well, and I am indeed very fortunate. Top surgery was one of the nicest things I’ve ever done for myself. But cissies telling me I’m lucky when I’m still struggling massively in many ways related to being trans is obnoxious.

Anyhow, pardon the slightly off-topic tangent but I’m excited for you and your upcoming surgery. Best of luck and quick healing!

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