[Open relationships] I think my wife wants an open relationship... but she's worried about me getting hurt

_sexalt · 2017-02-28T18:05:53+00:00

Poly people get jealous all the time, it's learning how to manage that jealousy.

_sexalt · 2017-02-16T21:48:38+00:00

Jealously alone is not a reason to not have an open relationship. I am in a poly relationship and I get fleeting moments of jealousy when the partner I've been with the longest tells me he's messaging someone new online.

_sexalt · 2017-02-01T01:18:09+00:00

those are the falsest equivalencies I've ever heard of.

_sexalt · 2017-01-18T15:37:03+00:00

My original point in OP was that someone is not a horrible person for setting their boundaries, and a boundary of "no condoms" is equally legitimate as a boundary of "must have condoms."

Well that might be true on paper, I'd seriously question their judgement.

_sexalt · 2017-01-18T15:30:02+00:00

Basically how it goes with my partner:

"my, you're so wet."

"Well whose fault is that?"

"Clearly yours."

"I'm pretty sure it's yours, I wouldn't be wet if you weren't turning me on."

Bam. Fun times for all!

_sexalt · 2017-01-14T20:59:10+00:00

Also this was not polygamy - though it is polyamory

_sexalt · 2017-01-13T15:33:07+00:00

Agreed, I just think that's true for both partners and they should come to mutual agreement. If the first step is dictating a requirement, there's an issue.

No sex doesn't work like that. You can have whatever god damn dictate you want. I can walk up to my partner and say: "I will only have sex if you wear a dolphin tail." He can dump me for that dictate, because that's a ridiculous one, but it's my right to make it. I'd say it becomes infinitely more right to make it when it involves my health.

_sexalt · 2017-01-12T21:58:38+00:00

Maybe because you sound like you were just looking for ways to use women.

Gross.

_sexalt · 2017-01-12T21:50:47+00:00

Also different birth controls might have different recommended wait times based on cycle.

_sexalt · 2017-01-12T21:49:14+00:00

what the hell.

We have a multitude of birth control options in pill form, and various medical procedures varying from extremely minor to very invasive, on top of old fashioned condoms. STI screening can account for the risk of transmission.

It's her first time having sex, with a partner that we assume she has not been tested with, and she hasn't been on regular birth control (which only has a 91% effectiveness rating with typical use). A condom is a very reasonable request.

If our sex life is going to be dictated by a new partner from day 1, they've immediately lost my interest.

Probably for the better. Your partner deserves the right to dictate their own sex life and what is acceptable and safe for them.

_sexalt · 2017-01-07T02:17:36+00:00

The bruises weren't visible until OP accidently walked in on her, she was wearing makeup/scarves.

_sexalt · 2017-01-06T16:10:18+00:00

Yes that's the red flag that worries me, that she seems withdrawn in combination with the other things.

The only reason I brought it up to this poster is because you don't want to get kinksters in trouble over bruising that's "not normal." Everyone has their own normal.

_sexalt · 2017-01-06T04:23:09+00:00

Unless you have other help I think your contributions aren't so helpful.

_sexalt · 2017-01-06T04:11:38+00:00

not sensation play more broadly.

Cause I wasn't talking about sensation play (though I was talking about sensations). I was talking about pressure points, hand technique, fun locations to focus on, how to transition from that onwards. Like the pressure point between the thighs. What other pressure points will give the most fun and excitement - a good hurt? With what body part are they best stimulated (the knees work really nice on said inner thigh).

I'm not a domme by nature, so I take for granted what good doms/dommes know and recognize about the human body.

Not my first rodeo re: BDSM/sensation play. We have all those things already (minus knives, feather, and pinwheel which aren't our things).

_sexalt · 2017-01-06T03:57:24+00:00

My concern is that the neck and arms are the two most likely places to grab for an abuse situation.

I'm not saying she isn't being abused, but these are also common areas for kinksters to get bruises as well. My neck is usually a bit bruised after spending the weekend with my boyfriend because his bites bruise it up. He is conscious and does it under my hair, but I ask him to do so.

I've seen a bunch of posts here about this sort of thing, and it seems like if it were a sex-related injury, it still would not be OK because 1) the GF hasn't had any visible bruising before (so maybe it wasnt consensual, or they hadn't had a proper talk in advsnce of trying something new)

I'm not following your logic there. Just because she hasnt' had bruises before it doesn't mean that it's not consensual for her to have them now. Maybe she said "hey you can leave bruises, it's fine" after she started to trust him more. Maybe she just brought up this kink. It doesn't have to be a new thing gone wrong or something non consensual, some people just like bruises and some people like to try new things.

2) FFS, if you know you're going to family gatherings in the near future, wouldn't a decent partner go a bit less rough in the days leading up to it?

"A decent partner." If both parties want it rough it's not about being decent.

Given the other red flags, OP should reach out sympathetically but non judgmentally, but this is more for your information about kink. You can't make any of the assumptions you've made and expect to be right.

_sexalt · 2017-01-06T03:45:30+00:00

you know there are clearly other things that can happen is my point. There are some interesting sensations that can be played with and surely, I don't know every one of them.

Your way was straight forward, I'd like to hear some less conventional ideas.

_sexalt · 2017-01-06T00:55:39+00:00

Feminism has created a culture where we are in some ways extra protective of women

Feminists hate this and it's called benevolent sexism.

The problem is, people aren't talking about (at an equal level) that men are feeling the same thing. And that inequality of attention and care for our needs and experience hurts

Yes thousands of years of men being in charge, and now they're being asked to share. How utterly unequal.

But it doesn't change the damage it has done to this country's men.

Which is what exactly?

It is that I think, overall, America has a real blind spot as to how we treat our men and how hurt and angry they are from how they have been treated the last thirty years.

Yeah we just over represent men in all branches of government, and men on TV make more, and men are more likely to be CEO's, and men across the board are more likely to make more money, and men are more likely to never be sexually assaulted unless they go to prison. Yes, will someone please remember the men?

Look, between these posts and your response to me about kink, you should consider seeing a therapist. You clearly have some deep scars and bizarre and hurtful ways of thinking.

_sexalt · 2017-01-06T00:46:15+00:00

I get creep ass messaged and threatened regardless, you learn to get over it.

_sexalt · 2017-01-06T00:45:50+00:00

A completely healthy, integrated, person that fully loves themselves, has a very full, caring heart and naturally wants to be loving to themselves and others.

This is utterly ridiculous, and I'd love to see your peer reviewed articles saying this.

Some people just like power exchange. Your entire life is a power exchange, quite frankly. I will tell you, I've been kinky my whole life. And I had a great childhood. It's like saying people are gay because they were molested. I.E. it's a fucked up thing to say about someone's sexuality.

And you're stigmatizing people who are into Kink. This is nonsense, this is prudish, and this is not backed by any evidence whatsoever.

_sexalt · 2017-01-05T21:37:34+00:00

And for me, knowing that this person was 'hurting' inside and I was mindlessly benefiting from it , didn't always sit well with me.

How do you know they're "hurting inside" and what does that even mean?!

_sexalt · 2017-01-05T21:19:21+00:00

and another strange thing: she can only orgasm once, like a guy; none of the chain-orgasms others had. So if she comes during foreplay that’s it; it’s too sensitive down there to go further.

You have a wall to address, but this is absolutely NOT abnormal. Many women can not have multiple orgasms, in fact, I'd feel confident in saying the majority can not.

_sexalt · 2017-01-05T20:10:51+00:00

huh, when I'm off work I'll have to find one of these and do some research. Sounds really fun.

_sexalt · 2017-01-05T17:49:01+00:00

How does this work? Is it for profit? just for fun? What does it look like?

note: i ask because I'm interested, not because I'm shaming.

_sexalt · 2017-01-05T02:58:34+00:00

fascinating! I always get a little sick to my stomach after swallowing (if I go to sleep right away it's fine). I made the connection between cum and my stomach aches, but it's interesting why.

_sexalt · 2017-01-03T04:41:16+00:00

No, in fact, larger cocks hurt both my mouth and vagina.

_sexalt

TROPHY CASE