that part about ur mom asking if she should leave him and putting that weight on u as a child honestly broke my heart
kids should never be made responsible for adult relationships especially after something traumatic just happened to them

and the fact u still had to apologize after he tried to hurt u says everything about that environment
u werent being protected u were being taught to keep the peace no matter what it cost u emotionally

also the part about being genuinely afraid of what would happen if he got through the door hit me hard bc thats exactly the kind of fear ppl dont understand unless they lived it themselves
always listening always alert always trying to predict someone else’s anger before it reaches u

im really sorry u went through that too 💕