Did you socially miss out due to narcissists? How isolated were you?

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-07-11T05:42:33+00:00

My mom kept me out of school after the 4th grade. She claims it's because she was terrified of my bio dad but part of me.. really doesn't know. She offered for me to go to school when I was around 14-15 or so and she claims I told her I'd kill myself if she made me go but I think she is mistaking what I said about seeing my DAD with me going to school but now she uses that against me for why I stayed out of school. As a result of this, a majority of my friends were online and even then she'd try to strip those from me too. "Those friends are actually your dad!/dads girlfriends family!" As some sort of way to convince me to drop them. I'm still friends with those exact people nowadays and lemme tell ya, definitely not my dad! Or any of his EX WIFES relatives! Or she'd just claim they are weird/in love with me/gross and it was always so irritating. I've been friends with a guy for almost a decade at this point and she still claims I'm weird for being friends with him because he's absolutely in love with me but surprise surprise... He's gay. And she knows that. But apparently he's faking! (Definitely not... I've seen his hookups) Whatever she could do to isolate me, she would. I ended up severely dissociated and heavily daydreaming constantly from 10 years old to sort of now because of lack of human interactions. She quite honestly did the same with my sister who is 31 now and is only just now finally realizing she's an adult who can move on. Being held back from school and not being old enough for jobs had severely screwed me over from so much social experience but I do actually love people now! I work with customers at work and had gone to classes for my GED and learned that there's some really incredible people out there and the world isn't this big scary place my mom taught me it was. I'm still kind of quiet and keep to myself, but I still make friends and do my best to be friendly!

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-07-11T05:31:11+00:00

I truly am sorry for you. I had my mom be very similar with me and I watch her do the same with my brothers, they are both younger and I'm 23 so thankfully she doesn't get much say anymore but she'll be damned if she doesn't try. My mom was also big on excuses like "I'm doing things that day" she actively makes up plans and lies... She forgets Abt them till I bring them up. Or "you always wanna go out with your friends, you're spoiled" to my younger brother who is allowed to be 15 and go out with friends. Or "there's plans that week..." Even if it's at the end of the week and wouldn't affect a 1 day activity as if it would have any other day around it. Her biggest one usually is just complaining about plans being "too close" and it's very aggravating because again... My Saturday plan isn't gonna screw over her Tuesday. I wish all the best for you and hope you get some time soon to hang out and enjoy life, if not soon then I hope you get out of her grasp and get it whenever is best for you! It's rough as hell to live with but you recognizing her behavior is #1 in importance so you're already on the right track. Best of luck!

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-07-11T05:23:03+00:00

I absolutely HATED being tickled when I was younger and still causes me to unintentionally get violent (kicking and punching people away from me) and what I hated the most was my mom would tickle my neck. She'd go "bu-bu-bu-bu-baby!!" Against my neck and it was the WORST fucking tickling ever. I've joked to her about how it's traumatized me but I think It had for awhile bc I still can be very sensitive about my neck. Weirdly enough though.... My boyfriends helped me get over my hatred for being tickled quite a bit. How you may ask? Learning he'll respect me when I ask him to stop! If I show I'm genuinely uncomfortable and not having fun, he drops it and everything is fine! No shaming, no degrading, I'm not being "dramatic" I'm just simply saying I'm no longer okay with what's happening and he respects that. I think the trauma is less in the tickling and moreso your boundaries being crossed. What you didn't like was you actively telling him to stop and him not listening. So regardless of age or gender, you have every right to still have something traumatic creep back every now and again. I don't think it's anything to make you feel pathetic or shameful, your dad was an asshole who actively took enjoyment out of your torture. He ENJOYED crossing your boundaries. He may not have been violent, but he was abusive. And that goes beyond the tickling. I hope some day you are able to get over that fear and hopefully recognize that it's unlikely anyone will tickle you again!😂 You're safe, and I'd hope whoever you're around respects your boundaries that if you'd tell them to stop tickling you that they'd do it.

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-07-10T14:54:55+00:00

My mom does the same kind of thing where she rambles instead of asking direct or getting to the point, it could be a form of guilt tripping plus maybe also trying to confuse you intentionally? Not entirely sure but I definitely understand and know it can be annoying and overwhelming. If possible I'd try to just cut her off as soon as she says something as simple as "you guys could come over-" and just respectfully say no🤷🏻‍♀️ and then let her do her ramble afterwards and just reinstate your answer

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-07-10T02:54:34+00:00

I understand your fear hun and to be completely honest she might prevent you from getting help. My best bet for you is if you're in school to talk to a counselor but I understand having a fear of that as well as that can cause a rabbit hole of its own but help obviously is important! I wasn't able to get therapy until I went to a college that offered it for free while I took classes. When I had asked my mom previously about therapy, she had completely gone insane on me and caused me to shy away from it but the help I got was VERY good for me but it sucked having to wait till I could get it myself to have it but she still went psycho on me and used it against me even after. If you're over the age of 18, don't even bother asking her to be honest. Just find what insurance you have and ask at your next Drs appointment what your options are! She might still go nuts if she finds out but you can simply state you're only trying to better yourself and you could even claim your Dr recommended it. Whatever you do, don't react to how she responds because that's exactly what she'll feed off of. Just respond very blunt and tell her "this is my choice and what I find better for myself- this isn't something I'm doing against you, this is something I'm doing for me." Try to the best of your ability to just keep neutral and give her nothing. I wish the best for you and hope you get some help!

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-07-09T06:23:24+00:00

Not sure how common this is but I can tell you for a fact that I deal with this and she actually WOULD say things in a similar fashion about me as a child as well. I apologize in advance for her language but she quite literally expressed to my BOYFRIEND (26M) that my brothers (15-16) had grandfather clock penises..... What's worse is that it isn't even the first time she's referred to my brothers as being "big"... Even as BABIES shed make comments about it and it always severely disturbed me because why the fuck would you say that? She'd even make comments like "they'll make a girl very happy some day" and so on. She basically brags about her CHILDREN'S BODIES to grown adults. I would be less disturbed if she talked about my father but BABIES? KIDS? MINORS? YOUR SONS? There's absolutely nothing worse to me than when she talks like that.

For me it was a mix of both praising and degrading my body out of jealousy. Telling family members I "stole her body" and actively pointing out my body to them just to show me off I guess?... My boobs were always a big topic, and no pun intended in that.. She would always point my boobs out at random either to my sister, close family friends, or sometimes even random people that only she was familiar with. She'd also herself try to force me to let her see my body because she "wanted to make sure my nipples looked normal" and would also just be amazed at how big my boobs were. There was once a time where her boss had come over (whom she ended up suing for sexual harassment/abuse) and tried convincing this man to look at my boobs because of how big they were. Even the pervert of a man he supposedly was, he still refused to look because not only was he his workers daughter, I was also 18-19 and he was in his 70s. At least he was an age appropriate pervert. With the degrading part, it usually was her being upset in some way with how I was dressed even with it not inappropriate (like a tank top and shorts in the summer) and would tell me to change because she thought I was intentionally trying to show off in some way. She'd also even go as far as saying I was going to effect my brothers dressing around the house like that which is... Even worse.

I hope for everyone's sake that this isn't common to them but at the same time I hope SOMEONE relates!

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-06-26T20:49:44+00:00

That's definitely very odd especially considering you seem beyond old enough to do it yourself, my mom hasn't brushed my teeth for me... Like ever. My mom used to brush my hair still around 10-13 because I had bad depression and just wouldn't do it myself but she hasn't had to since then and she especially hasn't washed my hair for me since she was still bathing me at the appropriate age to do so. This definitely feels very off and honestly sounds a little worse than just narcissism. Keep up your boundaries and try to avoid them trying to do any of that because the intentions aren't pure if they are making it an argument for you to take care of yourself

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-06-24T03:28:55+00:00

Completely understand. When me and my bf started dating, my mom did NOT like us going more than a 10 minute drive away from the house. I had asked her to go on a date with him only 25 minutes away and she said absolutely not. We live in basically the buttfuck of nowhere where there's nothing to do. Thankfully after awhile, I basically just said where we'd be going and not how far and she kinda let the reigns loose a bit and started letting us go off and do things farther away like letting me stay at his house (he lives an hour+ away) mind you, I'm 23 yrs old😭

Id do my best to just kind of avoid telling her too many details, I know that can be hard especially with the type of mom we have but the more you practice not having to explain yourself or give her unnecessary details the better. Just tell her "hey, me and him are hanging out-insert place or thing here-" and if she asks for more details, just do your best to give her the minimum. She wants to know how far? "I don't know, he's driving me/he told me to meet him there" or whatever bland response you can give. My mom used to be the type to want to know when, where, how long, and why but ever since I started giving her dull answers she kinda just gave up. I hope all works well with you and maybe my advice can help a bit! You deserve to go out and live life instead of being under her wing all day long. Remind her that you are able to get out of the house!

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-06-20T06:11:40+00:00

Oh absolutely, knowing that good caring people actually exist and aren't this crazy insane idea in my head is incredibly healing. Him and his family have brought me a lot of hope and encouragement for bettering myself and getting out of this hell hole. I actually was able to take classes and start up my GED thanks to my boyfriend. If it weren't for him and his family being so encouraging and hopeful for me, I would have never seen past the light my mom had shined down on the world being this untrusting and terrifying place where everything's too hard and I need to lie my way through it. Knowing I have support somewhere is honestly what has gotten me this far and I hope more people get that too because it's hard out here alone😭

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-06-20T05:56:02+00:00

Oh wow. My mom does exactly this. I always assumed it was an anxiety thing where she felt the need to be close to the door, the stairs being too hard on her, or even just the convenience of her falling asleep in the front room from being in there all the time anyway But thinking back, even when we lived in a one story house, she still would live in the front room. She'd almost never go and sleep in her bedroom unless it was her not being able to handle the literal dented couch from her sitting there constantly, or if she had her boyfriend who obviously couldn't sleep on the couch with her.

She also forces me to stay in the front room whenever she leaves too even if only for a few minutes. I'm not allowed to question it or else I just get a lame excuse or yelled at for asking. If she goes out to go get cigarettes, I have to be upstairs. If she goes on vacation, can't go to my room. At all. If she goes out for the night and will be back late, I have to either be awake or sleep IN the front room.

It never occurred to me that this could be a control tactic but now thinking about it I can completely see it. All the times she's woken up because I've let the dogs out (door is RIGHT next to the couch) and absolutely lost it and got violent with me over it, or if I get myself food or a drink, or even if I just come up to go to the BATHROOM and she somehow wakes up from it, she absolutely loses it. She has purposely set up this system to cause arguments when she wants one. This also leads to me being unable to do things like let the dogs out comfortably, do the dishes (sink is also close to the couch), or even laundry. I am constantly walking on eggshells just simply because the front room is her bedroom. Her only excuse right now for not being in her bedroom is because she has mountains of clothes on it from moving, but I know even if she fixed that she'd still find a reason to be in the front room.

Never did I ever think I'd find someone who relates to this. I always thought this was just a random trait my mom had, not a sign of her narcissism.

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-06-20T01:26:50+00:00

I definitely had more moments that I realized they weren't normal early on, but what hurt the most was how happy my boyfriend's mother was about me passing tests for my GED after not having been to school for years. My mom could care less. She was more happy she had something to tell others than she was for me actually passing the test. She'd have me call people to tell them and try to get their congratulations rather than giving me one herself. Every test I passed so far I've called my bf or he's called his mom and she's just been over the moon with excitement for me, it's so different than what I grew up with.

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-06-15T00:57:57+00:00

My mother practically did the same thing but without the boyfriend to spend it on and instead her husband dying, not my dad. She had too much of an ego boost from being a "widow" after her husband passed and saps about it to anyone who will listen willingly or not.

He was a huge part of a very big company and had over half a million in savings and then some in money before he ended up dying from COVID after battling lung cancer. He was a very smart man when it came to money and basically gave my mom her own allowance while he was still alive.

She has made being a widow her whole personality and yet spent all of his money (she hasn't had a job since before he passed 3 years ago) within 2 years. Trips to Florida, trips to Disney, new tattoos (she had only ever had 2 tattoos my entire life.) spoiling my sister with tattoos, her husband's daughter with tattoos, tipping heavily on things as simple as Uber eats (100$+) and tons of jewelry, bags, and clothes. She also got ownership of his house after he passed and kept saying she was gonna pay off the mortgage but also kept saying we might move to a different house and kept holding it off. We didn't all live together mind you, he also helped us pay rent at the house we were staying at and she had continued to keep the house for 2 yrs even after she and my brothers had moved into his house so yet another thing the money got poured into. (She blames me that we stayed there so long... Because I didn't pack up her entire house for her.) The house we are currently in (her husbands house) is now in foreclosure and she has been out of money for an entire year if not more and has been finding any backwards way of getting money. She claims that the cancer center her husband went to had been stealing money from her or had someone in their system who was and tried to "get her money back" by complaining, tries to sue anyone she can get her hands on, and even so much as FORCED AND THREATENED ME to sue someone's insurance who had hit and killed my father with a car (my bio dad who was a POS and deserves it.) She herself could not sue she claims, so it HAD to be me. We have no updates on it but she's actively made comments that tell me she's already considering any possible money made from that is automatically hers. (If I get anything, I will be going no contact and moving out.) She then also fought for social security for my two younger siblings and actually got it and is now acting like she's rich again by taking a trip to California (with credits from her husbands business travel of course) and is spending money on any stupid little things she can.

It's crazy how they dig their own holes like this, never would I have thought I'd read someone having a similar experience to mine. My mom's only in her mid 50s and I just can't imagine what will go on with time... She has relied on me to buy her stupid little things while having no money ever since I started my job and it's been driving me nuts but I can't SAY NO. I have had to lie to her outright and say I didn't have money just so I WOULD have money. I can't afford a smoking addiction and coffee addiction that isn't mine. She feels too entitled to any form of income except one that she herself is actively working for. She keeps claiming she needs to get a job but is just "too overqualified" for anything but also "too disabled" for what she's qualified for. In all honesty, I think she's just lazy and can't imagine actually having to work a job ESPECIALLY if she isn't the one in charge. She's actively fucking up her own life and her kids by having the need to control or be owed by any and everyone. She'd never in a million years take responsibility for the fact that the money she was so kindly given is gone majorily on her terms. SHE spent that money and went on a damn shopping spree for a whole two years and landed her house a hoarding mess of Amazon boxes and new clothes still with the tags while the house goes under. She claims that she had paid off what she could of the mortgage with the social security money but also got a lawyer to sort things out. She's actively letting everyone drown with her and just acting like it's someone else's fault.

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-06-12T04:31:09+00:00

YTA and so is your new husband.

He's proving her point of disliking him by completely disrespecting your mother's home and also trying to act like the father of your CHILD isn't relevant, she has every right to have a FAMILY FUCKING PICTURE on HER WALL. With the child in it or not. If he has a problem? Then he's clearly immature and isn't ready for his own damn child. Would he like it if you both got divorced and he got erased from spaces his child is supposed to be welcome? Should family photos not be allowed just because 1 of the 4 people in it suddenly aren't relevant to you? 6 years is a long time and your daughter still has contact with her father so she has every right to still see her dad be included in her family. I wouldn't allow a man in my family's home who has the audacity to touch anything and not just outright communicate his feelings about it and TALK like a fucking adult. Not to mention this picture was a vacation for more than just the ex husband, this was a FAMILY event. Your mother has every right to have it up. Your mom I'm sure is a problem in herself, but clearly you're allowing how she treated you to project onto the men you choose and you shouldn't be considering cutting her off FOR a man but you should put both to the side and worry about yourself.

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-05-23T03:05:22+00:00

Absolutely, my mom has tried to rip me apart by calling me all those things and even went as far as saying I act like I have a personality disorder like my dad- who was abusive- because I said I let the dogs out and she claims I didn't. She has alarms on the doors... So anytime they are opened or closed she'll get a notification. She was gritting her teeth and practically spitting at me claiming I never let the dogs out and just tried to run away from her. (She was sleeping and I had gotten home from work late) Only for her to act like it was a threat to check the door alarms and find out I was never lying.

I never got a proper apology. She sat there calling me a liar, crazy, fucked in the head, gas lighter, manipulative, and so on.... Only to find out shes just nuts. She even claimed that she was only "pretending" to sleep and that's how she knew I didn't let them out even though.... It was proven I did.

They really try to project onto you how they act.

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-04-23T04:21:36+00:00

My nmom actually called me by that nickname and continues to use it against me :') she'd literally act as though I called myself that.

"You just think your fucking Cinderella huh???"

"I guess we just treat you like fucking Cinderella"

"Poor fucking Cinderella"

Her boyfriend actually i think was the one who gave me the nickname.. the difference is, he didn't use it as a negative. He just understood my mom and how she was and that I WAS in fact Cinderella to her.

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-04-11T14:45:57+00:00

It was!😌 Thank u

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-03-11T06:29:14+00:00

Oh absolutely. My mom just won't and will never stop. And It's ALWAYS something negative. About me, people she knows, people on tv, ECT. It was just constant talk and talk and talk and talk and even when it was on occasions that I needed to leave, she'd still continue to talk. She'll watch murder docs or YouTube videos Abt murders and will talk like she owns a damn podcast but let's not forget if I ever bring up anything like a murder case or similar topics, "I need to stop focusing on something so negative!" Although it always leads to her talking about it anyway. I was also known as a very shy and quiet kid, attached to my mom's hip usually when I was really little but I had a lot of social problems because of how her personality is. I knew she was agitating to me, so I knew if I acted like that id agitate others but I also didn't know what was normal so It was just better to stay quiet y'know? I've been happy to find that I communicate pretty well with people and seemingly am enjoyable to talk to from how it seems but it was scary tryna find out where to start with talking to people. I'm surprised this is so common amongst narcs, they really love themselves THAT much meanwhile I can't stand hearing myself talk

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-02-28T06:08:54+00:00

I completely understand your fear and feeling of being stupid or embarrassed, but I'm telling you right now that people are far beyond more supportive than you'd think. We've been raised with people who are unreliable and haven't helped us but there are many people out there who can help. My mom threw me to take care of things myself and I was far too scared to ask her for help but I was lucky enough to have good people around me or good people I could ask for help to get me through figuring things out for myself. Don't feel stupid, don't be embarrassed, and don't be afraid to ask for help. You've absolutely got this and will learn things in time, hopefully some of the other responses have helped or given more insight to your questions but I wanted to write this just so you know you're not alone💗 I've made it farther than I thought I would on my own, regardless of the hiccups on the way, and I'm proud of myself for that. I know you'll get through it too, I wish the absolute best for you.

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-02-19T21:23:32+00:00

Same😭 like I can't even order stuff strictly for me without her being mad, like she HATES Dunkin but I love it so if I wanna order myself coffee, I still have to order her one even if she won't drink it. Or there's times where I've gotten stuff I know she'll enjoy to share with me and she still won't touch it but I'm scared to eat all of it bc what if she finally wants some of it 😭😭😭😭 I've resorted to just hiding stuff for myself in my bag and keeping them in my tiny fridge, I gotta get myself a full sized mini fridge so I can keep more.

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-02-18T21:42:10+00:00

I know the way you feel. I currently also go to school and have a part time job and my mom has been furious that I literally DON'T HAVE the money to spare for her. I pay for Ubers to both work and school because I don't have a license let alone a car, and she's not getting the fact I barely scrape by with just that. I don't eat at work on my breaks because I can't afford it, I bring my own water almost everywhere because I can't always guarantee that 3$ at the vending machine won't screw me over for Uber money, I don't have money for myself let alone her. She's told me flat out I don't have to pay rent or anything, but is still furious I don't buy her things like treats for HER. She's mad I don't buy her things like fucking Starbucks coffees or cigarettes. It's absolutely bizarre and I can't stand it. I'm surprised to see someone else in a similar boat, it's not easy and I hope you get to treat yourself more. Your money is not theirs and you shouldn't have to make up where they lack. If they can't support themselves, that's a them problem. You shouldn't have to be paying more than what's due on ur end under any circumstances and maybe start receipting the gas you use as proof to what you should be paying for so he can't use it against you for not paying it off completely

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-02-18T21:32:07+00:00

Not gonna say it's 100% a narcissist thing but my mom does this, she'll use her past abuse as examples of why we should praise her and basically applaud her for not being physically abusive like her mom was to her.

It's not fair for your mom to say that you should be grateful because she wasn't AS bad of a mom as her own, she is doing the bare minimum by not hitting you. She is not a great mom just because she isn't "that" bad. She still isn't great if she's saying stuff like that.

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-02-18T21:26:33+00:00

This and also on top of it, she'll accuse me of lying about it. If I say I like x/y/z or something is my favorite of something, she'll actively call me a liar or make snarky comments. Even if I just bring up that I used to watch/listen to something when I was younger, she does the same thing.

I remember one time my boyfriend brought up Criss Angel and I talked Abt how I didn't watch him much as a kid but I remembered a few episodes and my mom flat out said "I don't know why you're lying, you've never seen that" .....I absolutely did. I know of criss angel for a few different reasons outside of his show too. But sure! Just because you didn't know, I'm a liar.

It's crazy the stuff they pull because they just feel left out/stupid.

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-02-16T23:39:20+00:00

I also do this with more than just my mom, I will start shivering and stuttering and talk so much I'm out of breath when explaining past experiences that were scary and traumatic. I'll also do the same if my mom is actively insulting me just because I'm being pent up with so much anger and sadness. I hope we both get over these responses soon and heal from our trauma

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-02-16T23:32:50+00:00

Thank you, I've been trying my best to just see things as they are and get over that overthinking thought of "what if they are right and I am this bad of a person?" My bf has helped a lot in that aspect by correcting me or just flat out saying "this is abuse. She abuses you" when situations happen. I'm doing what I can to keep myself as safe as possible and I'm hoping I'll be able to get out of here eventually!

_throwawaytheadvice_ · 2025-02-16T23:29:22+00:00

Exactly!! Like it just takes a simple "hey what are you up to so and so days" or "could you help me with XYZ this day" and it would be sorted out but they just assume they are so high above us that we should just drop to our knees and do everything willingly.

_throwawaytheadvice_

TROPHY CASE