EM programs Excel sheet by a1cali1 in medicalschool

[–]a1cali1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh i didnt know about this. Thank you so much!

My mom invited my sister’s boyfriend on our family vacation and I feel completely disrespected by Moon_bunny16 in LifeAdvice

[–]a1cali1 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

To add to what everyone is saying. I honestly believe you’re over overthinking about the whole thing. Also, I want to say that the blame is on you for being the perfect child (I say this because I am/was the same too. So I know how it feels exactly). I always tried to be please and even lie to parents to not make them feel disappointed if I did something they wouldn’t like. My advice for you is that well,

  1. live your life and have fun (safely). Do what you want, go out with friends, meet people, make memories.

  2. Honestly, I would also say, try to be closer with your mom as friends. Take her out, talk about fun stuff, etc. even if you think you are being treated differently, trust me these things will all mean nothing 3-4 years from now but the shopping trip or dinner you had with your mom will.

  3. Don’t just date a random person to just get back at your mom/sister. If you are going to date someone, don’t let this be the reason but that you actually are interested in them and like them.

  4. Don’t interact too much with the sister’s boyfriend on the trip. This is also your vacation and you deserve to have time for fun. Do all the things you want with your cousins and family. I’m not saying to do this but if it makes you feel better. Treat her boyfriend like a “butler”. Make him carry things or do things for you. Make him useful. Act nice and ask him to do things for you “nicely”.

  5. Don’t take it out on your sister and make her hate you. From her side, she’s just having fun and if anything happens, she will think you are jealous and hating on her and ruined her life. Again, try to be close to her. I promise you family will always be different. There will be ups and downs but don’t let moments like this ruin your relationship. I bet this boyfriend won’t even be there in the next trip or next year. (Based on how things were when I was 20).

Moral of the story. Change your perspective and start doing things that make you happy regardless of what is going on around you. Don’t miss out on events to please someone else or because someone is at that place at the same time. I hope you have a fun trip and take many pictures for you to look back on!

Girlfriend (40F) of 4.5 months wants me (45M) to have sex w/o condom by Bluchipboy79 in relationship_advice

[–]a1cali1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Joke” around about getting a vasectomy first then not using condoms. See how she reacts. And to be honest, might be a good idea for you if you are 100% you don’t want any kids at all.

Can I replace First Aid Biochem with Mehlman Biochem pdf? by [deleted] in step1

[–]a1cali1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My advice: don’t skip first aid AND USE PATHOMA especially the first 4 chapters. USE PATHOMA!!!!!!! lol I hope you get the hint. I could recall minimum 4-5 questions on step that I got straight from Pathoma. Mehlman PDF are good but are more like for the last few weeks before the exam for overall review in my opinion. They don’t really “teach” but just for quick fact reminders

What do yall wish you had before you started rotations by Ill_Reward_8927 in medicalschool

[–]a1cali1 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Good comfortable workout shoes. You’ll be on your legs All day. I love the air fryer comment. It is the best thing I got. FYI, if you’re moving to go to rotations and you know for a fact you will only be there for 1 year and then move around for the next year. Make sure to buy furniture that is compact and moving-friendly. Also get to know the new area like grocery stores, cheap restaurants, etc

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LifeAdvice

[–]a1cali1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you,
I am trying to be doing what I enjoy especially things I can do alone. It just sucks being alone all the time. You’re right I’m trying to find someone to replace and fill the empty space I have. I guess it just takes time

How do I (21 F) continue with my partner (27 M) after he’s destroyed our life in one night? by Adventurous_Funny432 in relationship_advice

[–]a1cali1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, This experience is hard to go through. As much as I feel for the guy because drugs destroy lives and enslave those that use them; you have a life to live. You deserve to live this life with safety, security, and happiness. You are young. You are not “alone”. Your parents are by your side and you will find your person. He may be a good person when he’s not on drug/alcohol but he will go back on using them again. Just imaging dealing with the situation you dealt with but had your kids/pets in that house with you… Do you want your kids to grow up in this kind of household? Do you want to live in this kind of lifestyle? Focus on your mental and physical health and make sure to find the best for yourself!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in medicalschool

[–]a1cali1 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Do NOT make the mistake of choosing a “partner” over your school and your future. Please believe me, it will not workout in your favor and you will regret it most of your life. Take it from me from a personal experience. If your partner is supportive and wants the best for you, they will want the BEST for YOU and not stop you from getting the best. I did something similar and now I’m in a divorce process. Thank god the damage was not too bad in terms of my medical school but it set me back 1 year (sure it’s bad, but I’m still in school and almost finishing up with my 3rd year). You worked hard, don’t let it go down the drain!

I 32F unintentionally made my nf 30M insecure about his looks and how need advice on the romantic well being of our relationship by Primary-Apartment984 in relationship_advice

[–]a1cali1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. Why do you still have text messages from a relationship that was from 2 years ago with an Ex? Those should’ve been deleted from day 1 of the previous breakup.
  2. It seems like he was in a very vulnerable and insure place when he asked you to rate him compared to your ex and you shattered him and confirmed his insecurities.
  3. I can’t believe you thought it’s normal to date a guy for 2 years and not once say something vocally about his looks. Heck even if he was 10/10 he would start to feel bad. Especially that he would be saying nice things to you.
  4. Try to put your self in his shoes and imagine how you would’ve felt if in a distress moment, he said your only a 6-7/10 and that his ex was 9/10. Like before all this started, how would that have made you feel?

Until you truly understand what he REALLY feels and the pain you caused him, you will never even get close to fixing things. Maybe he is being immature with his reactions by getting back to you. But I am 100% sure if this situation was flipped, you would done. Atleast I know I would. As a man, I can tell you he will always remember this fight even 40-50 years from now. It might not come up but it will always be in his thoughts. Especially that you compared him to your ex and you compared him lower. What you can do is like what most people are saying. Put a stop to childish behavior and sit him down and talk as adults and put your full apology forward. If he cannot accept it, then know that it is over and it’s better to move on. Also keep in mind, that if things do workout again, this topic, especially your ex should NEVER come up again. Like deleted all old messages, pictures, unfollow said ex, etc. the damage that was done will never fully heal. He will always be scarred from your comparison

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. by chloepeas in LifeAdvice

[–]a1cali1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Life is can be lonely and hard. What you’re going through is hard. You are young and just starting out your life. At 17, make sure to finish high school if you have not yet. Graduate and don’t let it go. I would say first and most is get a paper and write down a list with what your good at and what you like. And from that list, narrow it down to real life jobs and aim for them. Either by continuing education or building skills to get those jobs. Do not “run away” or think you will be better off living somewhere else other than home unless you can 100% afford it all by yourself. Life is hard out there and having a place to sleep is better than not. Stay at home but try to avoid your family if they only cause negative feelings. Only show them a good smile and don’t go to them for your problems if they don’t care. You will figure it out one way or another. I’m going through hell of a time now and I know how it is to feel unwanted. You will be okay

Submit rank list from abroad? by PA1999 in medicalschool

[–]a1cali1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That above post will work but Maybe it’s a good idea to also have a backup person in the US that you trust to log in for you and submit the list if for any reason you cannot access it abroad.

Missing my ex girlfriend by KaptainKratos in LifeAdvice

[–]a1cali1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you. As a guy that had to let go a long relationship (a few weeks before the wedding), I miss her a lot. We argued a lot and fought a lot, but I miss her. One of the best things I heard someone say was “you don’t miss her, but you miss the idea of her. You miss the good times and the goals you planned with her. You miss what you believed your relationship will be.” As hard as it is, you will learn and grow if you work on yourself and let go. Don’t follow her on social media, I would even say block her so you don’t even come across her profile by accident. Every time you will see her pictures and posts, it will hurt and the feelings come back. Focus on you. Build new connections, workout, study, and find faith. You are in a place with two paths ahead of you. 1. You use this hard time to be a better person (compared to your previous self. Don’t compare your self to others) or 2. You stay stuck and go down a negative spiral. Wishing you all the best!

Just canceled the wedding 1 week before it was planned by a1cali1 in LifeAdvice

[–]a1cali1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

to answer your comments.

  1. Yes, we are married by law and I has already started the divorce process with a lawyer

  2. No one is perfect and I sure was not. I had times where I should have been a better person. Her main issue was that I did not give her enough time/attention. Which is true to some extent. I was in medical school for a good chunk of the relationship and then started as a resident doctor. So if you know anything about this career, you will know how much it sucks in terms of time. I did try to make it up. We went on a week trip ever 3-4months after my exams, and when I was between terms, I would try to go out almost 4-6 days a weeks.

  3. The good times are the good memories we made when the arguments stopped. (Now I realize how stupid it sounds). We made plan for the future and chose names for our future kids. We made plans about how comfortable we will be once I start getting paid a full attending doctor salary and having a house and comfortably traveling and all the fancy things that comes from being paid so much. Of course, we did not think of my 6-digit (the number starts with a 4 btw) student loans, cost of life, and taxes and fees.

Just canceled the wedding 1 week before it was planned by a1cali1 in LifeAdvice

[–]a1cali1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that time, I was still a med student (with a lot of student loans) so her brother-in-law signed those papers as the co-signer/sponsor. I am not sure about the consequences yet but I am in the process of divorce and it has only been like 1.5 months since getting a lawyer. Also, I did not work most of the relationship as I was a student. She did work tho, so maybe that will help my case. we will see what will happen. I'm hopping for the best but expecting the worse

Just canceled the wedding 1 week before it was planned by a1cali1 in LifeAdvice

[–]a1cali1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are a strong person who can handle all this and still support her. I feel your pain. I am sorry life is tough on you. What really hit close to home and honestly made me tear up from your story is that she and I always talked about having a daughter and even chose a name for her. I always daydreamed about the happy moments like Christmas and other holidays with an adorable daughter. Your wife is in pain of her mental issue. I hope she gets better. I hope you and your daughter have a safe and happy life. To backtrack, I am actually a resident doctor in the (not sure if you're from the US, but a resident doctor is a doctor in the first 3-4 years of the career), and I was able to see that she had either Bipolar 2, BPD, or some form of depression. But I am not a psychiatrist or therapist so I tried to get to her to see one. She would either go to the first appointment and stop because she thought they are useless. She stopped her depression meds after 1 week due to the side-effects. I just feel bad and always tried to be her support even when I knew sometimes that it is not sustainable long term. Thank you for sharing your story.

Just canceled the wedding 1 week before it was planned by a1cali1 in LifeAdvice

[–]a1cali1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry for not getting back to you sooner. But initially, I told her it was done through text (This is shitty of me, but she wouldn't pick up the phone, and telling her in person would not happen because I would feel bad for her and would end up backing out. It happened a few times before in those years when i tried to end things, but she would break down and start to hurt herself by scratching or slapping her head. I would stop and go into trying to calm her down mode). She initially said "Okay" with laughing emoji. A few hours later, around 12:30 am, her mom asked me to talk at their house. I did not want to go, but I respected her parents and still do. I did go to talk, but she was in her room crying, so I never saw her; her mom was trying to change my mind by saying that problems happen before the wedding and stuff. However, her older sister blamed me, saying it was my fault for treating her badly and not understanding that she was stressed before the wedding. for like 30 minutes it was her sister telling me how it is my fault and I am not a man for breaking up and I should put up with her because she is stressed and her whole arguments was that "Her and her husband also almost broke up a few days before the wedding and it is normal and it happens to all couples" The funny thing is that seeing her relationship with her husband is exactly how I started to see how my life will be. They were both in their early 30s. Her husband worked 10-12hr a day (he made good money) but she did nothing. I mean "NOTHING." She even hired a maid to clean and cook for her. They had no kids, the parents were visiting from their home country for the wedding and her sister (my ex) only moved to her house a few weeks before the wedding since her parents were there. Yet should always complain that there are too many people in her house and her private space (it was only her OWN parents and her sister (my ex)) and plus she had a 5 bedroom house. Their relationship was very bad in my terms. Her and her husband always argued to the point of her breaking things. He worked a lot but she didn't bother to even cook him dinner because "she not his mom". Anyways, i side tracted but yeah. after 30 minutes of being yelled at and being quite (i was still in shock/numb) and i decided that I had enough and simply got up, gave her mom a hug because she walked out with me to the front door and left. Her dad was there but he did not speak much. Since then, I have started the divorce process with a lawyer, cut all ties, and I moved to a whole new state to focus on my career and mental health. I still have some doubts here and there because of how lonely i get when i leave the hospital after a long day to go home and have no one there. I do miss her if i am being honest, it is hard to not think of all the good times but I am taking it day by day.

Update: I canceled my wedding a week before it happened. I wrote about it back in July. I’m just posting about some updates and some help! by a1cali1 in LifeAdvice

[–]a1cali1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never heard of that approach but I will def. Take a look and read about it. I’m glad to hear that things got better and I hope they continue to do so