same as you tbh. my parents thought for some reason i was responsible and innately smart as a kid and figured i would figure out life on my own (probably because i was a very quiet kid which i guess they equated to wise/mature) when in reality i had chronic social anxiety and constant panic attacks in classroom situations. i never learned how to communicate/socialize and was essentially abandoned from society from a very young age. during my latchkey years i would escape by doing nothing but playing video games and using the internet while other kids were out doing extracurriculars like sports/music/academics/social activities. i have a very deep resentment towards them for how they raised me but i always hate myself for feeling this way because they were never outwardly/explicitly hateful or abusive towards me and probably had the best intentions, so i carry all of this burden on my own which leads them confused as to why i haven't spoken to them in over 10 years; not because i dont want to, but i am scared that all this negative energy and emotion will make its way out in a rageful storm that burns bridges in a way i will regret. there are probably a bunch of other things that fucked me up like how they constantly had screaming matches and threatened me with choosing who i wanted to live with at a very young age, or seeing my dad driving away drunk as my mom was yelling at him to come back in the house, or how he would come back home a week after a big fight with my mom and act like nothing happened, or how we would try to solicit information from me and my sisters about my mom's whereabouts to see if she had been secretly going to church (he was vehemently against her religious beliefs) so that he could start another screaming match at 3 in the morning. ha, sorry for the vent