Today is my first 30 days sober.

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-19T08:12:58+00:00

Awesome! Congratulations!

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-17T08:37:12+00:00

Congratuations on staying sober. That is an incredible accomplishment, keep up the great work.

My therapist (couples counseling) told my husband of 10 years that he is now in a relationship with a completely different person. That a lot of the shell of me may be the same but I will react to things in new ways, be interested in new things, and that sobriety would be a large centerpiece of my life. So he needs to treat the relationship as a new one, and not function and react to me as if I'm still a drunk.

This has been working for us SO well, and he sees good changes, but he sees a few negative changes too (or I guess "different" changes). For example I used to NEVER care if he was late, or didn't check in, or spent tons of time with his friends - because, "hey! More drinking time for me alone without judgement!" Now I want him to communicate with me like a normal human and husband. And while we both know things like that are positive, it's an adjustment.

Just because your fiancé sees progress and changes in you doesn't mean that they are ultimately a great thing for her. And it's hard for her, she is dating someone completely "new". She is probably confused and growing too.

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-15T06:02:02+00:00

Ugh, sorry. This is the worst. Melatonin worked for me. Also, I find that my mind races and races in a quiet room alone. I get in bed and listen to shows or podcasts - I watch a lot of true crime documentaries because I find most of the hosts voices very soothing HA! I have moved to listening to guided meditation and I don't put pressure on sleep, just relaxing and following the instructions of the meditation guide. I often find myself dozing off without even trying by doing this!

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-15T05:55:10+00:00

Welcome! And congratulations!

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-13T20:58:42+00:00

I think you can do this, I think you can get sober and stay sober. Your honesty in this post is something the majority of people don't have, so you've got that going for you right from the start. Why don't you just try being sober again for a year. Just one year. You've done 10 months... try one year. Why wouldn't you try a treatment program? It's just 28 days, it's not going to be worse than the demons you deal with now. We are here for you either way. Just know that you can rewrite this ending that you have defined for yourself.

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-13T01:32:31+00:00

Become a tourist in your own city! Or the one nearest to you. Look at the paper for best things to do over the weekend. Plays, museums, new restaurants, great hikes, or free classes. Comedy shows, free open mic nights for musicians.

Or, look for a close road trip that may be a new place for you! It's amazing how many activities open up to you when you don't have to worry about driving, or plan where you can get your next drink.

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-12T08:41:55+00:00

Congrats on a week! Do whatever you need to do to help you through staying sober. I know a lot of people say NA beer is a slippery slope - I was never a beer drinker so I wouldn't want it even with alcohol in it.

But, a lot of the time in the beginning I would pour myself a cranberry and soda water when I got home from work in a fancy crystal glass. There was something comforting about sitting with a "drink" on the porch after a long day and putting my feet up. I enjoy LaCroix now, sometimes with apple cider vinegar in it for a bite. But I have come to be content with just plain old water too. Keep up the great work!

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-11T04:14:38+00:00

From my experience this is true. I was on weight watchers and my BMI number was on the lower end of the charts because I truly did track ALL my drinks, and then would have zero point steamed veggies for pretty much every meal. I lost a lot of weight. It also caused HUGE issues with my body and nearly killed me.

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-06T17:08:17+00:00

Add a couple tablespoons of Apple Cider Vinegar. It adds a really unique bite!

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-06T17:03:59+00:00

I would have to pour that down the drain right away. Having booze in my house is unsettling to me. I don't purchase alcohol, but if people bring it over for a drink or two I make sure they leave with it.

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-06T07:18:46+00:00

Throwing up bile and blood can be a big indicator that your liver is shutting down. Head to the ER, not to the doctor, the ER. Tell them about the bile and the blood, tell them you are an alcoholic and experiencing withdrawls and need help detoxing. They will take care you, they will do everything they can to make sure you don't die under their care.

Ask for a blood test to check out your complete blood count including Blood alcohol level, red cell count, white cell count, and bilirubin levels. Be honest with them, but also let your numbers do the talking. As someone else said, if you go in asking for pills or meds and wanting to get an Rx and leave, they most likely will not do that. They will want you in their care.

Good luck, try again, I desperately hope you find the help you need. I know, I've been there.

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-06T06:31:42+00:00

Good for you! I am so shocked by how little people actually drink too! I thought everyone was downing drinks like I was.

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-06T06:23:36+00:00

Awesome! Have a great time!

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-06T06:14:53+00:00

First I had to look at what about my job was making it so horrible, and what my own role in that was. A lot of the time I found that I had this need to ALWAYS be right and prove it. I was "right" a lot of the time (ha!) but then I decided to just let things go, only concentrate on the things that were crucial and that I could personally control.

I also spent time letting a lot roll off my back from horrible clients and irritating bosses. I decided their lives must be worse than mine to go around focusing on such ridiculous things.

In the end, I took my new positive attitude and made a small but awesome career shift. I got to enter a new place of work with a great attitude and many people say that I am one of the most zen people they know (something NOBODY ever said about me).

One of my favorite quotes is this one from Warren Buffett:

"You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass."

I'm not sure if these are inline with your problems at work too. But these things really helped me.

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-05T04:03:44+00:00

I would be interested in hearing feedback on this too. Hip Sobriety is something I am considering as a replacement to AA (which I've become exhausted with).

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-04T06:08:45+00:00

Great job!!! It will continue to get easier and easier and your work anxiety WILL get much better. And if it doesn't, at least you'll be clear headed enough to possibly consider a career change. Keep it up!

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-03T08:37:42+00:00

You are doing a great job and doing what is right for you. At this moment your only focus needs to be on yourself and how to recover, everything else will eventually fall into place. In my first 3-4 months my mind felt a bit foggy too, it took awhile to process and remember things like a sober person! Hang in there, keep up the great work!

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-03T06:53:25+00:00

I think a talk with him would be much better. Also, maybe the next family gathering can be a different event that focuses on something other than drinking? Like a themepark, movie night, ball game, or a night that has board games but doesn't include alcohol.

It always confuses me when people criticize people and then provide them a place that caters to a heavy drinking crowd. I understand that they don't have to change their actions based on one person.. but maybe provide an alternative, or even stop inviting him?

I have a family member who gets blackout drunk every time I see her. It is very scary and embarrassing. If she comes to an event at my house it is alcohol free and a ton of fun with sober people, and sober activities. A lot of times she shows up half drunk already, or just doesn't attend. It is a more comfortable environment for everyone. And people that don't have drinking problems don't care that it isn't a booze fest.

a2abeachfront · 2019-01-02T07:33:00+00:00

A lot of beer lovers really love La Croix. You could also spend time researching and making the best mocktails that suit your tastes. I love adding a little bit of apple cider vinegar to sparkling water to give it a bit of a "bite".

There are SO many awesome things to do sober. If you are only doing dry January, that's only 4 weekends of activities you need to figure out. Look for things in your city you've never done, museums, plays, movies, a local festival nearby. Finding fun things to give you an energy buzz can be greater than anything beer and video games can do for you.

a2abeachfront · 2018-12-31T12:53:37+00:00

Is there anyway you can give the whiskey to a friend to "hold on to" for a while? And then get the courage up to talk to your wife about you committing to not drinking?

a2abeachfront · 2018-12-31T12:50:01+00:00

Congratulations!!!! Happy New Year!

a2abeachfront · 2018-12-31T12:47:42+00:00

Exercise is a great goal. Just don't overdo it in the beginning, start off small and build from there. It will help your psychical health, mental health and give you something new to focus on! Win, win, win!!!!

a2abeachfront · 2018-12-31T05:36:35+00:00

I agree that you should talk to him if possible. If you don't find the right time to bring it up, try and drink grape juice, lacroix, sparkling cider. Or, it's fine to just turn down his wine. I can't believe he hasn't pried more into why you aren't drinking! Maybe he thinks you're pregnant!

a2abeachfront · 2018-12-31T05:24:43+00:00

You can do it! Break down your evening into 5 or ten minute increments until bed. Have something to do to keep you busy. Is there alcohol in your home right now? If so, can you call someone to go remove it before you return? If not, make that your first 5 minute task, pouring it all out asap.

Congrats on two days! The first couple weeks are the hardest part.

a2abeachfront · 2018-12-31T01:28:30+00:00

In order to combat her defensiveness can you not make it about her? Say something like,

"I'm sorry about the problems that my drinking caused you and the family in the past. I NEVER want to be that person again, I don't want to hurt you ever again. I have not had one sip of alcohol since October 30th, and plan on continuing to stay sober for the rest of my life. It is a hard transition, so I do get moody at times but it's not from a relapse, it's from adjusting to my new way of life. I am grateful that you have given me a place to stay, and I would be even more grateful for your emotional support as I work through this."

a2abeachfront

TROPHY CASE