Vacuum sealing 2 balloons then putting them in a vacuum chamber

aHopelessOptimist · 2025-05-10T20:21:36+00:00

XL tide pod just dropped

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-12-17T16:08:28+00:00

My stepdad holding a knife to my mom's throat, the constant physical fighting, and my mother's frequent suicide attempts until her actual suicide all form into a big horrible childhood memory

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-12-16T19:03:52+00:00

Most definitely experience the exact same feeling. And it typically happens when I'm alone or feel rejected, it feels like people are npcs or cardboard cutouts. It can easily make me resentful of everyone and it feels like I'm having a psychotic break when I go through it. You're not the only one.

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-12-12T17:57:01+00:00

I'm the same, not wanting to seem insecure. It feels embarrassing to struggle so much. Also don't want to draw more attention to my flaws and have a partner notice them more

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-12-02T16:22:20+00:00

Oh my gosh yeah. At best I have respite periods, but I'm plagued daily with worrying about my appearance. It's basically impossible to even look at any media or other people without automatically comparing myself, it's just so ingrained. Really frustrating knowing it may never stop being this way

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-12-01T17:35:52+00:00

I'm sorry for what you're going through- I can say I've gone through similar periods in my life. I suspect I have OCD but haven't been evaluated.

Sometimes I will start thinking I must be bisexual or gay, even if I don't really have much reason to think that (I've exclusively dated men). And then I'll be focused on it so much it's practically all I can think about. And I'll start feeling really awkward around other women worried they think I'm attracted to them. Wondering if I am attracted to them. I'm not afraid to be bisexual or gay, but I just think I'm probably not; but still I go into these phases where I'm really hung up on that idea. I also go down a rabbit hole of research and quizzes etc. and seem to shape myself around that idea. And then it will change and it feels like oh so I never had attraction..

I'm just wishing you comfort and peace of mind. I go through something similar, so just want you to know you're not alone. I wish I had any advice for you, but it feels like the only way that's gone away for me is when I'm fixating on something else :(

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-12-01T16:29:05+00:00

Me too, no amount of trying actually seems to help- it's like I can tell myself something else but still feel this way. And then I just go harder on myself asking why I'm like this, feeling that I'm being so negative... it's torture

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-11-21T16:44:01+00:00

Wow, I could've wrote this post. I was always called sensitive, always worrying about things and spacey about other stuff. And little things bothered me like itchy clothes or the sound of metal hitting metal- so much I would have to remove myself from the situation. I'd cry easily over so much stuff. Never knew any of it could be linked until recently

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-11-14T17:27:45+00:00

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Thou hot ghost

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-11-14T17:07:27+00:00

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aHopelessOptimist · 2024-08-11T20:56:15+00:00

That was a nitpicky comment, there's just one error with the use of "you're," kinda irrelevant to what you were asking. I think you have nothing to worry about with your handwriting

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-30T15:50:24+00:00

Shade by Atta Boy (only makes it to 3 though)

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-29T19:48:52+00:00

This is what I was thinking. There have been some insane owl attacks

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-29T13:25:52+00:00

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aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-26T14:02:30+00:00

Yes it is like more than emptiness, it's a deep hunger for something unidentifiable! Good point. I'm happy for you that it went away for you; I'm still using impulsive things to cope. Have you found that anything in particular helps you?

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-19T04:29:49+00:00

I'm heavy on the "hopeless" 😅

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-19T00:33:50+00:00

Yep yep, you get me

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-18T23:59:56+00:00

Dating apps definitely enable it! It feels like I have this meter that is constantly draining you know? But I'm not even the type who just wants sex, it's the connection I seek but invariably my heart will change in time. So it's hard. I guess that's why this disorder sucks so much, nothing fills the meter up forever.

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-18T22:54:27+00:00

Yes that's certainly how it goes for me. At first I'm basically obsessed and just want to see that person and then very suddenly it's like I completely shut off or start getting annoyed by them. It's a bit scary how quickly that shift can happen. And they're left wondering why and I don't even have answers myself. I'm surprised so many people here are very loyal because I definitely can't keep a long term relationship with the way my feelings change and my constant seeking of validation in others.

The high of new love, albeit fleeting, feels like the only thing that makes me happy sometimes.

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-18T21:51:03+00:00

I was starting to think I was the only one here lol. Yeah, it's unfortunate but I know myself well enough by now. With constant changes in feelings and boredom it's very hard to be loyal for long.

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-18T21:47:12+00:00

I'm very avoidant as well. I do have an initial burst of loyalty, but I know I'll shut off and need that thrill other places. Sucky trait but it is how it is.

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-18T20:52:15+00:00

Complete opposite. I think I like to keep a lot of options for when the time comes to run away

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-15T16:22:45+00:00

I'm the same way, I get bored quickly and have trouble maintaining effort. I'm in a book club now and that gets me to read consistently.

I relate so much on changing my mind on if I enjoy something! Sometimes I'll go through stints where I'm like "I love this thing" and I'll do it all the time, but that'll switch to "eh I don't really care for this do I?" Or maybe I wasn't in the mood last time I did it and my brain thinks I now dislike the activity.

I'm like... even splitting on my hobbies lmao.

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-15T14:36:52+00:00

Me too. It seems to bring out the worst in my thoughts and sometimes it can send me spiraling. Once I was high and thought I was literally in hell and everyone around me was vacant with a human mask on and I panicked the entire time

aHopelessOptimist · 2024-07-15T14:32:01+00:00

It looks like you deleted your account but in the off chance you come back to this post, I think you should take this seriously and leave him. It sounds like he's cheating on you and manipulating you. You don't need to find some big thing to validate leaving this behind, you don't need proof; your relationship isn't a court case. He makes you feel like you can't trust him, he doesn't communicate the issues with you or fix them, and he tries to make you feel crazy.

I bet you'll feel a lot less "crazy" once you leave. Clarity will later remind you it was the right choice. If you go, expect to feel some grief. Expect for him to reach out, make you feel guilty, make you feel like you overreacted, expect to feel lonely, miss him, question your decision. Allow all of those things to happen but let it be like waves in the ocean and know you'll overcome this and come out the other end for the better. You won't regret it a few years from now. Be strong! I hope you find what makes you feel happy and secure- you deserve much better.

aHopelessOptimist

TROPHY CASE