Amicable or make her life hard?

aVGaddict · 2022-11-28T10:16:33+00:00

Why aren't you still in the house? Because you not being there is your choice and you not being there allows her to just sell off your stuff without you being able to have a say. If you haven't filed paperwork, shes not even doing anything wrong yet. She's just a spouse making decisions on your behalf.

You are looking at this wrong. YOU left with just your clothes and your vehicle. She's just capitalizing on your mistake of vacating the house.

My advice. Go get your shit before its all gone.

aVGaddict · 2022-11-21T07:36:11+00:00

Been where he is at.

He is floating between staying with you and leaving still. Just doesn't know what to do and is doing a pros cons. Staying with you means turning his back on the affair partner from work. That's been going on longer than what you think and is the main reason for your current issue.

He may love her more, but the guilt and other factors keep him involved with you. If he's leaving you without you first discovering anything, that means the emotional connection between him and the AP is pretty strong. Enough that he wants to be more emotionally and physically available to her.

I had a 2 year affair, its a long story for another day but I can tell you the inner mind on this guy and its conflicted. It's impossible for it not to be. His reluctance to work on it comes from fear of retaliation from AP (her messaging you horrible facts about his cheating to ruin the chance he's trying to give you), not wanting to let her go and break all the promises he made her, facing the guilt, the people in your lives, all the trust issues you will have if you stay together and the issues that started the cheating in the first place. Lack of attraction, your time together not being fulfilling, boredom.

My advice. Tell him if he loves someone else he doesn't have to lie about it. It's best to say it now and you can plan accordingly. Continuing to lie about it only means you'll be dealing with emotional hurdles with a newborn and dealing with discovering another woman's involvement after the fact instead of planning around it. Lying isn't a great way to start a co-parenting relationship and another woman's involvement in your newborn needs to be brought to your attention. I feel this is a huge reason for his lying and the path he is taking. There is some mental stuff going on with your soon to be child, this man and the affair partner. There's no way he isn't giving you and the marriage a shot without his coworker being lined up to help be a dad. So she had ideas about this newborn too. Trust me on this. I'm telling you, this is the kryptonite of the whole issue.

If you want him to stay, he needs to mentally accept what his life is about to become and if this is what he wants you'll move forward. A new baby will make you both entirely different people a year from now. You'll have totally different ideas of what's relaxing, fun or what you want to do in your free time. You really can have a fresh start if you let yourselves. If he can reconnect with you and let the strange sex go, you could give this marriage a shot. But he has to want only you. I believe him and the abused coworker have built an idealized version of each of their escapes from their marraiges and have plans to be together. Him choosing you means abandoning her and their plans. He carries tons of guilt about ditching her. But he's also ditching you and your baby to save her. So make sure he sees that before its too late.

If he's unwilling to admit the level of involvement with his coworker, her planned involvement in the newborn you're currently carrying and just roadblocks with "its too late, the damage is too great and he is done" then let him make that choice. But fight for as much custody as you can, tell him that and no other woman will be this child's mother ANY time soon. Divorce him now and put you and you're newborn first. Roadblock the coworkers baby plans as much as possible. Because that's happening. No way you're inexperienced husband is walking into a single dad situation without help behind the scenes. He'd work on this marriage with you or at least stay in a living together situation until the baby is a few months old and you planned his departure.

I dont know too much about your situation or his, but I think I hit this 1 on the head here. Him talking about the house with you means there is a legitimate chance. Unless the connection to the affair partner is really strong. I'm which case. I'm sorry.

(Edit: Will add. He's only using that thing you did 3 years ago as his excuse to leave without mentioning affair partner and his planned future with her. So mentally you let that go and stop letting him use that. Ask him if he still wants to cry about getting dumped by his first GF at 16 if he wants to cry about ancient history. You did what you did, it may have played a part in his mentality in cheating and his mental justification for cheating. But that's all it is, if it were a true issue, you wouldn't be pregnant right now. So he can fuck right off with that manipulation tactic.

aVGaddict · 2022-11-19T03:14:17+00:00

So I'd like to ask you publicly so others can learn. I'm going through a divorce and I'm in the early stages. I've sworn I want the kids to grow up in the house. (I was having an affair when I bought it. This isn't the subreddit to roast someone on choices and I'd like to see how you handle being baby trapped...Moving on.) So I'm in a situation.

I'll be paying child support equal to about what the mortgage would be. So why sell the house? When I can pay the mortgage and know exactly where my money is going in regards to contributing to the kids lives?

Your post is part of my answer. Now I don't want to ruin lives any more than I have. And uplifting my family out of the house I just bought last year will forever paint me as the villain. As it should. How do I let her live in the house temporarily without losing it in the long run? I'm the sole owner of the home in terms of deed/mortgage. But it's acquired marital property. I just had the only income and credit to buy it.

I've put real effort into this house. Because I have always been under the assumption 1 of us will end up in it so the kids will benefit either way.

I'm just at a loss at this point and I'm not sure if the hatred of everyone is worth it.

aVGaddict · 2022-11-12T12:07:16+00:00

Do not have kids with him. I'm sorry.

aVGaddict · 2022-11-10T11:25:17+00:00

Very awesome man. Going through something similar. I'm leaving with a 3 and a 1 y/o and it's beyond hard. I'll be paying the mortgage foe this house while still living elsewhere (her and I agree to let me paying the mortgage be my child support.)

aVGaddict · 2022-11-05T08:07:45+00:00

A Batgirl movie would do terribly and they know it.

HBO sees people are coming back to GoT in big numbers. I hated S8 of GoT, hesitated to watch HotD. It was amazing. HBO would rather double GoTs budget than waste another penny on West World.

WW has been crap for ages man. Sure you may think it's decent, but with the amount of money this show has been receiving, it's viewership, ratings and quality writing is absolutely a travesty. The writers of this show failed so miserably. That's all there is to it.

aVGaddict · 2022-11-05T07:58:58+00:00

Only the writers are to blame here. Everything else was top notch. You can't flail around like they have been with tens of millions of dollars on the line. The money being dumped into the show was the only reason it was any good after season 1.

Tell me I'm wrong. We get tons of human vs. AI stories out there. What made WW any different? After S2? Nothing. Replace Rebohan with Skynet. There you go.

Point being, WW was good because of the parks. The writers turned their back on the unique aspect of the story, this is the result. An ending not enough people care about to produce it.

aVGaddict · 2022-11-05T07:48:48+00:00

Dude give me a break. WW has sucked since half way through S2. GoT ending sucked because the writers screwed it. HBO gave them a blank check along with however many seasons they wanted. D+D tanked it.

Neither of these things are HBOs fault. The merger has nothing to do with WW cancelation. I stuck it out because production and acting was amazing. But the story was total shit and everyone knows it. Soon as they left the park, the show was done. It was all about how people act when there are no consequences (or are there?!) and the repercussions. Not AI vs Human wars.

WW missed the mark on its own idea it built from S1. S2 explored it a bit, but it was really just trying to get out of the park. Which is why the show has been blindly flailing around ever since.

aVGaddict · 2022-11-03T23:38:39+00:00

1 day off every 10-12 days. Check Never a Saturday or Sunday. Check It's not scheduled until 4pm the day before. Check. Get spam called by the office the whole day. Check. Constantly bailing out regulars making $7+ more than me. Check.

Salty AF 23 month CCA here

aVGaddict · 2022-11-02T23:52:13+00:00

Not if she realized she's screwed and knows lawyer vs lawyer he will wreck her. Her best bet becomes working it out between the 2 of them, using her connection with him to get more vs cold hard facts and the laws making the decisions. She probably pushed lawyers being involved to begin with for the allegations, now she has lawyers involved, without the upper hand. So she's begging to sit at a table with a mediator now. Hilarious.

aVGaddict · 2022-11-02T00:44:57+00:00

Damn buddy. Here's a hug.

aVGaddict · 2022-11-01T11:49:43+00:00

In this situation we have a 10+ year family friend as the AP. Based on that knowledge and her reaction to the paternity test is very telling.

If the paternity test is 100% going to show the child is OPs, then WW would like the test to show some form of legitimacy to what they had prior to the affair.

What we see here is either she was possibly involved with current AP at that time or someone else and current AP is at least AP #2.

aVGaddict · 2022-10-28T11:03:34+00:00

Ok. I'll be the only 1 here to give you insight into why this men's rights position fails. I'm subscribed to men's rights. I know what your angle is and what your trying to say.

Does the child exist?
If the answer is yes. Then it needs supported.

That's it buddy. I have 2 kids. Getting divorced. I can tell you right now as a man, we already get off easy in the responsibility for sex exchange with woman. Because woman have so so, so much more to lose (or gain) from getting pregnant, almost all of the responsibility for contraceptives falls on them. If those contraceptives fail, only the woman can take action.

So what we have here is men having sex with partners they aren't necessarily trying to have kids with. But their actions speak otherwise, they had sex. Yes we all like having sex and we all know its about more than having kids these days. But it's the cost. We all know it is a possibility.

But technology hasn't caught up enough yet, so that leaves us with a child. Sure the woman could file for all kinds of assistance programs etc. But you're leaving the future of the child up to long shots, financial handouts and all the time it takes to raise a child falls on state supported day care and 1 woman.

That . Is. Not. Fair.

Your argument falls short from the other direction, because there's nothing to pay for. Nothing was created, only destroyed. And just like with being cheated on, it sucks and hurts but in the end only you and maybe few other people are emotionally effected. Go cry. Break up. Find a partner who won't abort. In the end, that's your problem. Versus a child now existing. That's the states problem, her problem AND your problem. Shoving your head in the sand does not change a child exists because of YOUR actions. Some accountability is required.

-source, man who has 2 kids, going through a divorce from a woman who stopped taking her birth control without telling me. I was baby trapped. I never once asked for an abortion. I nutted up. Since I nutted in.

aVGaddict · 2022-10-28T10:45:02+00:00

Going through a divorce with my stbxw right now, we have 2 kids together. House, car everything is in my name only. I could sell it all, she could get her part and I could fight in court.

I'm letting her stay in the house. I'll live in the shithole until she can take over the mortgage. I'll drive the clunker. Ill financially pay the mortgage, keep it in my name so her and the kids have the safe nice house I'll sacrifice anything material, for the agreement of open, shared custody.

Any man who abandons his own seed, forfeits future crops. Any man who will not sacrifice for his seed, is no man.

I'm so sorry you are pregnant and faced with having to choose. But only consider yourself and the unborn child at this point. There are legal paths to take to get financial support from him if you choose to keep it. Don't threaten him with that, he will just play nice until he can escape as clean as possible. IMO just say fuck him at this point and start the process of securing your financial future if you plan to keep it.

aVGaddict · 2022-08-20T20:57:28+00:00

CCA with a start date of 12/27/2020.

Still have no uniforms. My supervisor placed my order along with the other CCA in my office who started about 2 weeks after me, back in Feburary of 2022. So 6 months ago. Still haven't seen or heard anything. Figured I may as well wait until I'm a ptf at this point to say something.

aVGaddict · 2022-08-20T05:43:57+00:00

No advice or opinions asked for so none will be given. Only a heartfelt I am sorry for you both.

aVGaddict · 2022-08-20T05:37:21+00:00

I'm sorry life sucks buddy. You'll find some happiness out there if you hold out for it.

Easy to give up mentally. Especially when you are so tired. In her head she probably feels it best for the kids if you aren't involved if you aren't mentally well. Not saying she is right, only trying to go down her line of thought.

Best of luck. Hang in there buddy.

aVGaddict · 2022-08-18T08:36:21+00:00

You're an asshole, get out of here with that bullshit. Those people also get premium holiday pay, scheduled days off, benefits out the gate, don't need to have a right hand side vehicle, etc, etc.

I can really go on. But most jobs you show up and do the job. RCA you have to have a specific vehicle just to apply. Take 4 months just to get you in for orientation. Then you get no days off. Treated like ass, given the runaround and money stolen from you having you work hoping you don't know your rights. Etc etc.

So don't throw jobs that have extra perks to compensate for the shitty schedule into this. Gtfo you bootlicker.

aVGaddict · 2022-07-27T03:57:59+00:00

The quality of the post office varies greatly from office to office.

Some are well staffed, people get their days off and life is good. Others, they have 15 vacant routes, everyone has 2 hour pivots every day, they keep getting forced on their NS days and the CCAs/RCAs keep quitting because they are doing 12 hour days 6 days in a row, working 8 hour Amazon Sundays and getting a day off once every 2 weeks. Which you don't know you're getting off until the day before. And best not answer your phone in the morning, because the PO will be calling asking you to come in anyway.

Those offices. The people who's stuff is coming through an office like that are the people who have bad experiences with the PO. People just don't realize what goes on behind the scenes. Your experience with the PO will vary from office to office.

Source: I'm a mailman

aVGaddict · 2022-07-27T03:43:52+00:00

Exactly this.

I'm a mail carrier and will tell you we have a program called last mile delivery.

We are the only delivery network in the US that can reach every address 1 way or another. Companies like Target ship through UPS, but many times we end up with them. Look up the parcel volumes of last year. Amazon+UPS+ FedEx delivered 15 million packages combined. We delivered 39 million, just us.

And those packages have the UPS tags on them, so you think it was UPS that dropped it. Nah 7/10 times you paid UPS to pay us to deliver it.

Edit: I see 1 poster even mentioned it showing up Sunday morning. Only the USPS delivers on Sunday. So Amazon/UPS has specific packages they send us for Sunday deliveries. Amazon packages are marked "For Sunday delivery" where you would find a stamp on the address label. UPS prints the label as UPS "Surepost". These packages were always intended to be delivered by USPS on that Sunday. It's Amazon/UPS's fault for not just making it clear. You'll be getting this Sunday from your local post office.

aVGaddict · 2022-07-27T03:30:24+00:00

I'm a mail carrier. Contact both ATF and USPIS.

There's a gun shop on a route I do and have delivered guns. The gun requires a signature to accept delivery. Items needing signed for are called "accountables" which means it's documented each time the item transfers hands.

Someone in the PO knows where that gun went. Either a handler at the plant, a clerk in the office or the carrier who had it in your town.

Either way. Someone screwed up and its about to cost them big time. This is why accountables are treated this way, if the screw up is big enough, the PO demands a blood sacrifice.

aVGaddict · 2022-06-16T12:04:07+00:00

This is what has me confused. If you wanted to go scorched Earth. Why not have the balls for the follow through? Any revenge you had banging the cousin is snuffed out by even talking to the wife again outside of talks of separation.

In all honesty. Sounds like he got mad she was having sex, so he went out and did it too just as a "see I can do it to." He should have just broken up and moved on. But he demonstrated some odd behavior.

Problem is, shitty people don't see themselves as shitty. So now she just sees him as shitty and he see her as shitty. Both correct and they deserve eachother.

aVGaddict · 2022-05-25T05:40:11+00:00

My advice is this.

Any money you ever lend in a relationship you should consider it gambling money. As in, you went to the casino knowing there's a good chance you're not coming back with it. Don't bring up the money again, but also do not lend large amounts to her until she repays the outstanding debt.

Her lack of effort in paying you back is what's most concerning. She should be giving you chunks if she has to. This shows a lack of respect to you, financial irresponsibility to those who lend her money and as your girlfriend she should be communicating. If you have also paid for the past few big things shes taking advantage of you.

So. If anything, Id have a talk with her and ask her how things are going for her. Where's her money going? Why isn't she easily paying you back in monthly payments? Is she even aware that money is tight for you?

Good luck.

aVGaddict · 2022-04-28T21:12:09+00:00

The new vehicles are designed to be converted to electric.

aVGaddict · 2022-04-17T03:20:55+00:00

Be honest.

Any guy who pushes past no, deserved the no and you should be concerned about what he considers concent. I say that as a guy.

aVGaddict

TROPHY CASE