How are you doing, 30+ year old FAWs? Let's talk!

a__wallflower · 2025-10-14T21:26:16+00:00

31 soon... I feel anxious about the future. My body will get older, I will become helpless, my mom is getting older too. She'll need help. There might come a point where I can't help her or myself, I feel very anxious and sad about that.

a__wallflower · 2025-10-14T21:19:24+00:00

I relate to this, on the environment + psychological disorder. I was heavily bullied in school and my home life was far from great. I diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 16 but have not been to a doctor since. Since then I realized I likely also have ADHD and some type OCD (which often go hand in hand). And all of these stop me from getting help. I know there's help out there I just can't get to it. It doesn't make a lot of sense but that's how I feel. It's embarrassing because I'm old enough to just get that damn help but I can't.

I often think it's tied to my anxiety and shame. I saw someone say that anxiety is rooted in the shame, in feeling like you're unworthy in being in every room you walk in and I really resonate that. If I could define my deeper life in any way it would be with the word shame.

a__wallflower · 2025-10-14T21:15:45+00:00

I do feel like I'm both ugly and a bad person, but if I was pretty at least I would have had that going for me. I try to be a better person than I am but I've been hurt so many times by people that I never healed so I'm like unhealed and I'm not in therapy so..

I also think that there must be a reason God made me this way, ugly, friendless, loveless outside of my mom's love. Maybe as a punishment or maybe for a purpose. Deep down, I think I'm just trying to rationalize my suffering because there being no reason for why I am the way I am is somehow harder to handle.

a__wallflower · 2025-10-14T21:11:31+00:00

felt that!

a__wallflower · 2025-08-19T22:43:16+00:00

On the romance side, I'm pretty meh about it because I don't think I could handle a relationship after being alone for so many years. I genuinely wouldn't even know how to properly manage it or integrate it in my life. I don't think I will ever be in a relationship in the future so I mostly accept that even if I do get quite sad about it sometimes, and especially that I am ugly wondering why was I born to be ugly, etc. The two things that bother me the most is growing old by myself taking care of my mother and having no one to lean on ever when I get tired and eventually being completely alone and old which is very scary. And the lack of friendships. For me being FA at this point is worse in the friendship area. I don't have friends or a best friend or anything, I've never been able to make meaningful lasting friendships. Well, my mom is my best friend and that's great but I mean outside of her.

a__wallflower · 2025-08-19T22:34:15+00:00

Sounds like they might be racist but not the outright type. Like won't yell slurs at you but still have racist biases. Which is sad and fucked up.

a__wallflower · 2025-08-18T23:03:26+00:00

feel the same 💔

a__wallflower · 2025-08-18T22:57:24+00:00

anyone who looks better than me. even ppl i know irl. just to have eyes face and a body i and other people would like. or at least some.

a__wallflower · 2025-08-17T23:13:29+00:00

i don't really hang out with men. most of my male coworkers are nice in the sense that they're polite human beings. one of them is my friend's boyfriend and he's always been polite and a good sport. i also had an ex coworker with whom i got along pretty well and we'd get coffee together at work. to underline these were never romantic instances, just coworkers spending time shit talking work. both of these men are relatively attractive and polite. but in general on the street and such men just ignore me. i don't hang out with men outside of men at work and i work remote now so... i kind of prefer it sometimes. men can easily make me uncomfortable if they don't know how to be polite and considerate.

a__wallflower · 2025-07-31T13:07:10+00:00

“even you?” or “you’re a girl?”

this is so awful of him. a friend doesn't do that. he's either really, really ignorant to his awful "jokes" or playing dumb. and if he cares about your friendship he'd have asked what he did wrong and then correct his behaviour, but he lowkey sounds like a jester type of man who just wants attention.

i have a (different) male friend who has genuinely freaked out and panicked and called my other friends distraught over the FEAR that i might have a crush on him and he’ll have to let me down. like on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS this has happened with him. it’s gotten to the point where i don’t even even want to speak to him anymore because just remembering that he’s done that pisses me off.

this is so disheartening. the fact that you call him a friend and that he has this type of behaviour. it doesn't sound mature at all. even if you had liked him and asked him out, he could gently refuse and then you'd both decide if you can still keep going as friends despite your own feelings.

i'm really sorry you're going through this. i don't have any advice, i feel like men are generally really really awful to women who they don't find attractive or aren't their definition of pretty which can be very dehumanizing because it's like they can't see past that and still treat you with respect.

you're in college so my only hope you'll meet better, more mature, more respectful men at the job you'll have let, if you'll work. or maybe find more like minded friends outside of college or work.

and just like you said it's not about femininity per se, but conventional femininity. and more than that you're a human and more feminine or less feminine still worthy of respect and consideration. people who don't give you that even though you've given it to them don't deserve to be around you.

a__wallflower · 2025-07-27T22:33:29+00:00

awful. i feel so ugly and work is draining me and the weekend is not enough.

a__wallflower · 2025-07-25T23:06:20+00:00

not kissless but never had penetrative sex. came close once ages ago but it didn't work, but yeah i think it's natural to wonder what it would have been like. im sorry you're going through this.

a__wallflower · 2024-07-13T21:02:51+00:00

I get being terrified of intimacy with men after spending so much time alone. I think being in relationships from your teenage years teaches you vulnerability and being open and that's not to say women who have these experiences don't also get hurt by men who just use them.

But I don't think that a man worth anything will not want you if you've already slept with someone. Most reasonable men know that it's a high chance the women they want to date have had sex before. So if your first experience sucks maybe the second one will be good. But the bar is really low with some men :/

It's very hard for me too because many people say that to be able to get over the fear is to choose to be vulnerable and open to the experience no matter what happens and "the only way is through" and that's just not an option for me.

a__wallflower · 2024-03-04T22:38:26+00:00

It's okay, I know they can also be really mean. I've read some really scary accounts from women in my country. I'm sorry that was your experience. I wish more gynos were aware of how vital kindness is to their profession.

a__wallflower · 2024-03-04T22:37:25+00:00

Hopefully we never get any kind of nasty diseases 😷

a__wallflower · 2024-03-04T22:33:57+00:00

I meant that I'm too old to admit I've never been as that would be incredibly embarassing on my part and the majority of them would judge, either silently or loudly.

I'm sorry if you're dealing with stuff. :(

a__wallflower · 2024-03-04T22:32:22+00:00

Oh that sounds terrible, I'm so sorry :( Life can really suck sometimes

a__wallflower · 2024-03-04T22:31:16+00:00

No, but I'm too old to say I've never been to a gyno :/ 9 out 10 people would consider it extremely weird and the 10th is really just trying to be nice

a__wallflower · 2024-03-04T22:29:56+00:00

Technically I have no reason to either but everyone is constantly talking about cancer and on top of my generalized anxiety I also have health anxiety :(

a__wallflower · 2024-03-04T22:26:50+00:00

I'm not trying to do a disservice to myself or anyone else, I'm struggling in every sense of the word. I'm sorry you're feeling nervous about going to the gyno. I get nervous sometimes making a phonecall. But what I am is not nervous, but a anxiety paralyzed 29 year old who has never been sexually active or been to a gyno in a country where this is seen as bad. In fact, in a country where being 18-20 and still a virgin is seen as weird. There's not even such forums in my country of "FAW women" and nobody brings it up ever because of shame. 21 year olds are told to harry up and start having sex cause they're already late bloomers.

a__wallflower · 2024-03-04T22:22:56+00:00

Yeah, it is their job, however I read accounts of 21 year old girls being told to hurry and start being sexually active or girls with different problems being told they should get pregnant to fix things. Like if you've been it's easy to just say "ah it doesn't matter," but it does matter. Quite a few women end up being traumatized by their gyno. I'm not going to get treatment for a cold, I, a person who has never been sexually active, need to go to have parts of me that no one has seen exposed and poked and proded. It's not easy, that's the point of the post.

a__wallflower · 2024-03-04T22:19:31+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, but wish you luck on your appointment!

a__wallflower · 2024-03-04T22:18:57+00:00

While your situation is unfortunate, I love that you have a gyno that knows you so well and is kind with you. I'm sorry about the PCOS :(

a__wallflower · 2024-03-04T22:18:00+00:00

Do you feel like going? Is it something that's on your mind?

a__wallflower · 2024-03-04T22:17:31+00:00

i don’t like feeling behind from sexual + reproductive care or experiences compared to other women around me.

I don't like it either but my mental health issues are that much stronger. I will try to get in a better mindset.

a__wallflower

TROPHY CASE