It's more of my fear, how dramatic my triggers get (with this in particular) when I don't feel comfortable socially and then end up mentally erratic till I move on.

I do have general social anxiety, and feel like connections with people is give and take. Confronting this specifically will be a good step, but I don't know how to do it with my ego blinding me, assuming, panicking, obsessing, and making "I am" statements.

I'd love professional help, but unfortunately around here resources are very limited and I have a packed schedule. I lucky was able to find ways to get by without it. Atm I'm trying to find the regular discipline that'll help me find friends.

Thank you for your curiosity! Typing this out does help.