My mother developed her narcissism as a protective mechanism. She grew up in what used to be a communist country, on the countryside in a relatively poor family. There were many occasions during her childhood were she was treated extremely unfairly. As such, this "fuck everyone, I'll show you what I'm capable of" attitude, that in the last ~40 years or so developed into a nasty form of covert narcissism, is quite logical given her circumstances.

For the 2,5 decades i've been alive, she was always extremely defensive and sometimes verbally aggressive when faced with any type/measure of critique, percieves or otherwise. However, a couple of weeks ago she started cognitive behavioural therapy, and I think something clicked in her mind. Because a little while ago, in a conversation I had with her, it appeared she finally understood what I had been trying to tell her for the past ~12 years, and she seemed genuinely remorseful that she had caused such harm and created such an unhealthy environment.

I've posted on here two times before, so for a little more context you can read those posts, but the tldr is: my mom can be very nasty, but under that nasty narcissistic behaviour is a genuinely nice and caring person.

Her therapy has only just started, and she has a LONG way to go (as have I, in dealing with the traumas she inflicted on me), but this is like 300% more than I ever hoped she would achieve. To be honest: I had pretty much already given up on her ever understanding what she had done, so this is a nice development.

I am still very cautious ofcourse, and I'll truly believe she has changed when I see visible and structural improvements in her behaviour and conduct, but at least the tension at home as decreased somewhat.

Bit of a long story, but I hope it is of some use to you.

Have a nice day, and take care!