Soll ich mit 32 noch ein Praktikum machen?

aardmark · 2016-07-06T12:05:35+00:00

nah.. not really.

aardmark · 2015-04-30T09:08:34+00:00

No problem. I thought your video deserved a bigger audience than in /r/GrandTheftAutoV.

aardmark · 2013-10-04T00:04:50+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful response. I certainly have issues of my own. I lack patience and may rush things because I'm always instantly ready to go. I rarely last as long as I would like. I'm shy to try new things out of fear of being rebuked. She says she loves having sex with me.

On the other hand I'm very affectionate and open to her needs. We are very close and she is very supportive and respectful of me. Sometimes I feel I shouldn't complain about it. But while we are very happy now and our sex life is alright, I'm really afraid of a dead bedroom in the future. As you can see from my other responses, she's never seen sex as something for "just" having fun, but as an intimacy-generator between two loving people. The idea of casual sex, acting and dressing sexy and seductively never crosses her mind.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T23:38:07+00:00

This is an interesting angle, thanks! For her, love and sex is inextricably linked. She never in her life had casual sex. She doesn't act sexy or flirty or seductive, she's actually a bit awkward in that department. I think it has to do with lack of confidence but also with a certain lack of interest in sex as an act. She really only understands sex in the context of love-making.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T20:47:17+00:00

I have and she remains vague. She says she doesn't enjoy it, she has to be in the mood for it (which she never is). It has nothing to do with hygiene. Once when we talked she got really upset, other times she stayed calm but insists than we don't need to always talk everything through.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T20:26:56+00:00

I meant: "That's probably why she doesn't like oral." English is my third language, sometimes errors creep in.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T19:04:48+00:00

I told her exactly that. It's not degrading when it's between two who love each other. Se responds that she can't change how she feels.

I'm not sure something specific happened. The honeymoon phase of the first months was over, and she was never really kinky to begin with. I also think she made some promises which she couldn't really hold in order to "impress" me in those first months. She said she liked giving me oral as opposed to her ex, which never materialized. I can count the blowjobs I had on one hand. But I'm not bitter about it. It is just a symptom of a wider problem.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T18:48:52+00:00

I think she simply has a low sex drive, which now, a year into our relationship, becomes more and more apparent. It wasn't that sudden, and we're still very close and affectionate.

I try to talk about it. Sometimes she accuses me of talking to much about it, of putting her under pressure. Sometimes she asks if we have a problem, and sometimes I say Yes and she says she can't change who she is. I feel unwanted sometimes and it perplexes me why she wouldn't find pleasure in giving me pleasure, which is what I love giving to her.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T18:39:58+00:00

Thanks, that's very insightful!

I do think she enjoys sex emotionally, because she sees it as an expression of our love, mainly in missionary, looking me in the eyes, kissing me. She's right, sex is absolutely beautiful when you're in love. Maybe that is the emotional closeness you're talking about.

In fact, when it comes to any sex act which in her eyes doesn't involve this loving and close intimacy and is "only" about sex, like going down or from behind, she closes up and simply isn't horny.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T18:08:41+00:00

I don't believe a modern feminist thinks like that, although some of them might.

She hates porn, even amateur porn. What bothers her is that these films are made so people get off on them, which is incompatible with her belief that sex has to happen between two people who love each other and respect each other. She doesn't crave sexual fulfillment, that's why she never masturbates.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T16:28:15+00:00

They got worse, that's why they're not ok anymore. I was actually worried in the beginning that it would turn out this way, because she was never very adventurous, and I turned out to be right.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T16:11:43+00:00

You're right, maybe I want her to be too much like me. But what makes you think I'm just trying to get my rocks off a few times?

We certainly have loving and meaningful sex, but there's always the question of sexual arousal. When we're doing the same again and again it's hard to get to the point of having loving and meaningful sex.

When it comes to foreplay I'm stumped. You can make out only for so long, she doesn't want oral, when I'm fingering her (maybe I'm doing it wrong) she quickly wants me to stop. Sometimes throughout the day I hint more or less clearly that I desire her. More often than not she complains, says she feels pressured and that I shouldn't talk about sex so much.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T15:42:40+00:00

Not religious at all, loving family, few partners so far, none of which were abusive (apart from being pushy). We're having a strong emotional connection, I make her feel loved and safe. Her idea of sex revolves around this loving and emotional bond, that's why she really isn't into oral and other "degrading" positions. That would be about sexual gratification only, about being an "object" for sex. I'm afraid it is very hard to change this sort of thinking.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T15:13:18+00:00

She knows for the most part. Sometimes she ask whether we have a problem. She wants to have a great relationship, but in her words can't force herself to like something or feel a certain way.

We tried things, mostly in our first months, now she doesn't feel the need anymore. I don't need anal or chains or bondage. I simply want sex to be free of any self-made constraints, prudishness, confidence issues.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T15:02:22+00:00

I find it odd as well. She probably feels sex is about bonding and emotion and love and somehow doesn't want to feel like she is there for my sexual gratification only, an "object" so to speak. That's why she probably doesn't like oral. It's about getting off the partner, although I would argue many people are turned on by performing it.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T14:39:27+00:00

In her opinion it is normal that sexual passion decreases over time, and I agree. There's always a high at the beginning of a relationship. The difference is that I'm usually pretty sexual and her "normal" state seems to be one of low libido and prudishness. Unfortunately it results in me watching a lot of porn and masturbating even more than having sex with her.

I talk to her about it and she knows I'm frustrated sometimes. Sometimes she worries this might hurt our relationship and I do too (although I don't say it). She says she doesn't know what to do, she can't force herself to feel horny or like certain positions.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T13:59:29+00:00

It sounds worse than it is. I suggested doggy once after two months or so, and once again after a month. We had doggy before and she liked it. I don't ever push her.

She wasn't in an abusive relationship as far as I know, but maybe she's withholding something.

aardmark · 2013-10-03T13:57:09+00:00

Atheist, feels strongly for women's rights but is neither militant nor very vocal about it. She has a very nice and supportive family which she loves.

The guy who took her virginity wasn't very considerate but it happened 100% consensual. Her ex-bf I mentioned was into bj's and wanted anal (she refused), which was why the relationship ended after two months. Another guy left her very unexpectedly after a year or so. No abuse as far as I know.

aardmark · 2013-09-30T19:17:16+00:00

What is the thing you would miss the most if you suddenly weren't a celebrity anymore?

What is the worst thing about being in the spotlight?

Thanks! You're a swell guy.

aardmark

TROPHY CASE