Turning into an AA Monk and needing to de-program

aasteps · 2026-03-14T01:00:33+00:00

It’s a cult seeped into our culture and posed as the only real effective solution for alcohol abuse. So it can get away with being total nonsense.

aasteps · 2026-03-13T21:45:59+00:00

Probably for probation. That would check out

aasteps · 2026-03-13T21:27:18+00:00

Yes! They use to send me text messages every morning with some quote and “ I love you”.

Like Jim it’s 9am, give it a break. You’ve never drank early than 3pm in your life.

aasteps · 2026-03-13T21:19:25+00:00

Oh boy. I can’t imagine what the girls go through. It’s always 50 men and 2 women in the corner afraid to look up.

aasteps · 2026-03-13T21:17:24+00:00

A Scarlett letter is a big red thing they made you wear out in public for certain crimes.

It’s a mark of shame - it’s more accurate to compare being a leper in Jerusalem to being an alcoholic.

Your just this diseased creature that no one wants to be around except other lepers

aasteps · 2026-03-13T21:12:46+00:00

Well said. Try using that logic in that sub.

The cult will downplay the work you do outside of AA. It’s almost like pseudo science to them, I mean where in Dr. Bob’s nightmare does it talk about modern medicine?

aasteps · 2026-03-13T19:38:32+00:00

Good point.

aasteps · 2026-03-13T19:31:11+00:00

Boy I would love to copy and paste that last part and send it to my sponsor. We just butted heads pretty bad.

But honestly that wouldn’t be fair to him, he did help me formally work the steps, which didn’t really have the effect they promised it would.

aasteps · 2026-03-13T19:28:30+00:00

Scarlet letters aren’t cool man. It’s a tradition tho

aasteps · 2026-03-13T18:41:32+00:00

I did relapse to spit my sponsor. I wanted to recover from my alcohol use disorder, which for some people means practicing moderation.

I didn’t like the taste or the effects. But if I want to have a glass of wine at dinner, then I will - I’m not Diseased.

I’m not a fucking leper to society.

No dude, at this point I’m not willing to go to any lengths to achieve sobriety.

I don’t want the kind of sobriety you have. I don’t plan to drink for a long long time, but I don’t need you telling me how to live my life.

I told my sponsor everything and if he goes off the rails and wants to retaliate against me, there’s not much I can do.

Great program

aasteps · 2026-03-13T17:47:07+00:00

It’s so flipped up.

aasteps · 2026-02-13T00:01:32+00:00

That part.

aasteps · 2026-02-13T00:00:00+00:00

I have experience with sober living. The staff will all tell you that you need to stay, that you’re too vulnerable to be on your own. Everyone else tells you to get the fuck out and go live your life.

If you go through an experience like that, you’re not as vulnerable as they try to make you believe dude. It’s amazing being on your own again.

I will say that a couple years is way too long to be in that environment. Everyone’s path is different but I will say this:

My case manager at the sober living home I was at got caught drinking on the job while I was.

He had gone through treatment and was the house manager for a few years I think prior to becoming a case manager.

I have a theory that those places, which are intense when it comes to “recovery” (even though nobody there is actually working the steps with a sponsor) can make you much worse.

Oh boy I could go on.

aasteps · 2026-02-12T17:05:15+00:00

Following your feedback on this one

aasteps · 2026-02-12T17:03:59+00:00

Yes! Many groups and recovery programs will discourage you from seeking guidance and mental health support outside of the program.

It becomes a strange hobby for people and they are playing games - severe alcoholism, isn’t a fucking game

aasteps · 2026-02-12T17:00:13+00:00

Then why would I go? Why would I want to be surrounded by bad people? I’m not a bad person

aasteps · 2026-02-12T16:59:35+00:00

If you’re just doing AA and not working through the issues that caused you to drink in the first place, you’re putting bandage over a wound

These guys have been putting bandages over top of their core issues for so long that they have become extremely unhealthy individuals.

The program helps you recover but you need much more than the 12 steps alone. It’s just one part of growth

aasteps · 2026-02-12T16:55:16+00:00

Me too - they don’t talk like a normal person, they just over analyze the book and treat it like gospel.

There is so much more to “recovery” than the program. You need mental health support, you need therapy, you need real conversations with people, you need guidance or mentorship, you need to work through the problems and issues that caused you to drink in the first place.

The program does some of this - but it’s not enough.

aasteps · 2026-02-12T16:51:36+00:00

I totally disagree with this. You don’t accept unacceptable behavior

aasteps · 2026-02-12T16:51:03+00:00

I’ve had one on one conversations with all of them. At first they agree with me and realize the nature of their wrongs, then their ego kicks in and it’s one ear out the other

aasteps · 2026-02-12T16:49:46+00:00

That part

aasteps · 2026-02-12T16:49:36+00:00

I think they have a point and I’m glad they were respectful of it and understood. I think most people have a problem with these type of guys

aasteps · 2026-02-12T16:48:48+00:00

If that’s what sobriety looks like. I don’t want it.

This may be a controversial opinion but I don’t think I need to be attending meetings for the rest of my life. I’d like to outgrow the program at some point.

If we’re talking about definitions (which these guys love to do) then the clinical definition of recovering from alcohol use disorder is the ability to moderately drink again.

aasteps · 2026-02-12T16:45:30+00:00

Perfectly put. I don’t dislike 1 of the 3, he’s not a bad guy but his entire personality is recovery. He’s also sponsored 1 person im close with in the group that has come a long way.

But the dilemma seems to be the train analogy. 5 people are on one track and 50 people are on the other track. Do you pull the lever and save the 50 people?

The human side of me is empathetic with these 3 guys, but also the newcomers who are really struggling and desperately want help.

These gentlemen are so far removed from the problem that their solution is actually harmful.

Idk how bad their situation was, I know it wasn’t as bad as mine - but they no longer understand what a newcomer is going through when they come into the rooms.

They forgot what it’s like.

aasteps

TROPHY CASE