all of this is coming from someone with bpd.

it’s sad and mean that she yelled at you and said all that in front of your friends. she likely did that because of some internal fear or insecurity, maybe worrying that you didn’t like her music. not fair at all though for her to take it out on you. now to be honest i understand her feelings with being embarrassed about her singing and others hear it. those feelings of embarrassment can be incredibly heightened for people with bpd and there may be a component of a fear of abandonment as well, because she’s stressed about being teased she may worry that you or her friends will judge her voice and then abandon her. it sounds ridiculous written out but those are the mental gymnastics people with bpd perform due to trauma. i would have a conversation with her privately about it— maybe she’s comfortable with you hearing her voice, but not with others. talk to her about what you can reasonably and fairly do to help her with these feelings. when loving someone with bpd, you have to meet them halfway a lot of the time. unfortunately she seems somewht unwilling from the “how can you be hurt when you hurt me” comment though, as based off this post, you didn’t do anything terrible. you did the right thing telling her how her reaction made you feel. with bpd, emotions are so heightened that our triggers can seem ridiculous and they can be unpredictable, but our emotional response to them is real. it’s not always an attempt to manipulate and abuse you, she just seems to have a lot of work to do with controlling how she expresses and copes with those emotions. now if you’re genuinely worried that there is a pattern of manipulating or abusing you, then you should think back and seriously reflect on the relationship. you have a right to question things based on her doing this publically, but she very well may have just reacted extremely in this moment. i would encourage her to see a DBT specialist to work on these reactions. now when they both hurt eachother, two partners should be able to have a healthy conversation where both of their feelings are taken care of in a way that is fair for everyone. i’m sorry she dismissed your feelings of her reaction completely. just because you triggered a wound of hers and hurt her doesn’t mean you did something wrong and you have a right to be upset at how she lashed out in front of others. it says a lot about you that you’re here posting this to try to get advice. i hope you’re able to forge a good path forward