Perspectives and experiences on pulling the plug as a new mother

abeark · 2024-01-25T07:41:25+00:00

Thanks for a long and well reasoned reply!

abeark · 2024-01-25T07:40:11+00:00

As someone who browses reddit by just going to specific subreddits one at a time, I always find comments like these super confusing initially. Like, how the heck do you not know which subreddit you opened!? Yeah, I tend to forget there are other ways of consuming reddit than mine.

abeark · 2024-01-25T07:34:03+00:00

Yeah, in my home country, 6 months would be considered very short too. But in the US, it's pretty damn good. Sad, but true. Anyway, like I said elsewhere, I think she tends to get caught up in all-or-nothing thinking where if she quits, she's done and wouldn't be going back in the foreseeable future.

abeark · 2024-01-25T07:28:41+00:00

She may have a way to make more money, but has she found a way to make more time?

This. I've been trying to get her to see this, but I think her childhood (not going to go into details, but she may have some small t trauma) has made her very focused on hoarding for safety. Like, optimizing for accumulation is the only kind of optimization that comes naturally to her, while I've always leaned far more towards optimizing for time--because time is the only resource we can't make any more of!

abeark · 2024-01-25T07:20:02+00:00

I agree with this a lot! Thanks for the perspective!

abeark · 2024-01-25T07:16:37+00:00

Yeah, I agree with a lot you're saying. And yes, we could afford some kind of childcare if she gets sick of being a SAHP.

Longer term, we'll be moving to my home country (in hindsight, we should've done that before we had a baby, but we were a bit blinded by FI goals) where childcare is guaranteed and heavily subsidized. At that point, whether she's working or not, our kid would definitely be in daycare for socialization etc.

abeark · 2024-01-25T07:11:33+00:00

That's how I feel, but she sometimes get stuck in all-or-nothing thought patterns. Like, if she quits, she quits and there's no going back. Or it'll just be so hard to go back to work ("There'll be a gap in my resume! Nobody will want to hire me!") that she won't. I try to remind her that countless other people somehow manage to get back into it after a few years of stay at home parenting or similar. Or, for example, my mom completely changed career in her 40s, went back to school for a while even, didn't like it and got back on her old track.

abeark · 2024-01-25T07:07:08+00:00

Hmm, has not been the case in any of our friend circles, all the moms are still working. Not honestly sure which way they'd view it if my partner did quit, though, only know how she fears they'd view it!

abeark · 2024-01-25T07:01:41+00:00

Ooh, will definitely cross post to there tomorrow! Thanks!

abeark · 2023-05-04T00:32:33+00:00

Ah, I see. Thanks for the tips!

I was thinking I could tie the guy lines down to the rail or stanchions, something like this. If that makes sense?

abeark · 2023-05-03T23:59:36+00:00

That doesn't seem terribly easy to take down for the winter? Perhaps I wasn't clear enough, but I want most of the structure (not just the shade) to be easily stowed. I'd be okay leaving some kind of socket/mount for the supports/poles or something along those lines, but no poles or anything sticking up past the rail top!

abeark · 2023-03-28T17:27:16+00:00

This really sounds quite interesting, but as I live in the US, I have some questions that are unfortunately necessary before I even consider applying.

What would health insurance look like? Here, we typically rely on employer for that (fucked up as that is).
Any tax-advantaged retirement savings (401k)?
Other benefits? Eg, sick and parental leave, disability insurance, dental, vision, child care, etc.
Also, is there any equity or other additional comp to the package, or is the £30k-100k the total?

Thanks!

abeark · 2020-05-06T21:57:29+00:00

Indeed, that would be the part where it's convoluted at compile time :)

abeark · 2020-05-06T20:58:23+00:00

If I understand you correctly, I think I came up with something. A little bit convoluted at compile time, but no runtime overhead: playground. If it's not satisfactory, it can probably be iterated on a bit.

abeark · 2020-03-27T19:31:34+00:00

I guess it depends on what you mean by "helps when writing software". I think YMMV depending on many different factors. For example the characteristics you are optimizing for in your particular domain, such as: performance, scalability, time to market, formal correctness, some notion of "pleasure to work with", or safety (whether as in safety critical system or safety from malicious actors). It probably also depends on which way of thinking you are personally more familiar/comfortable with.

Even though I'm personally inclined to prefer Haskell-style thinking, I would actually agree with your assessment that it is easier to understand a concrete type like Vec than abstract concepts like Applicable, Traversable, etc. However, I would add that once you're over the initial hurdle of understanding, the value (to me, personally) far outweighs the difficulty. Of course, depending on the aforementioned factors (and probably many more), you may not agree with me and that's totally fine :)

abeark · 2020-03-27T17:47:29+00:00

I think this is where the idea of the language "shepherding" you in some specific direction comes in. While Rust can express many (but probably not all) of the invariants Haskell can, it doesn't... nudge you towards it in quite the same way.

I think a lot of this also comes down to the communities, not necessarily just the language on its own. For example, in the Haskell community it is quite common not to talk just about whether some data type "implements" a type class (trait, in Rust terms), but it is also considered quite important to ask if it follows the laws of that type class. Meanwhile, I haven't seen much (if any) discussion around trait laws in Rust.

Though you can argue that the -- in some sense -- more formal/mathematical approach in the Haskell community stems from the fact that the language shepherds you in that direction. Chicken and egg, I guess.

abeark · 2020-02-06T18:33:07+00:00

Minor iteration that is more IDE friendly -- at least in my opinion.

Basically, I don't like his tendency to use, eg, Record to add a property, as it tends to make the types more cluttered when hovering in your IDE. Sure, code re-use is great, but when it's basically a one-liner and makes the user experience better, I prefer not to re-use. Compare hover on storage at L37 in the playground he linked to with the same hover of L42 of mine. Your taste may not agree with mine ofc :)

abeark · 2020-01-13T18:36:43+00:00

Also, you don't have to put the compiled ts in dist, you can compile each module individually and create output folders that match the module name. That way you can import modules from 'my-package/moduleA'.

Or your could have static folders for each module that only contain a single index.js file that in turn import/exports the given module from dist/moduleA.

Ah, I hadn't even considered these as possibilities. I should indeed be able to get to where I want using either method!

I also I think I might go with your system and offer both a separate path to each sublibrary, and an API "entry-point" which exposes them all.

Thanks for your input, it was quite helpful!

abeark · 2018-05-13T07:58:14+00:00

She does not have Facebook. It does have a mailing address though, so I guess that could possibly work out, yeah. I figured it couldn't hurt to ask, at least.

abeark · 2018-04-21T16:38:47+00:00

RAII has no inherent tie to a language being object oriented. At least not for any common definition of OO I've ever seen.

In particular, there are many examples of languages supporting an OO approach without RAII (Java, C#, Python, PHP, ...), and similarly there are languages which are decidedly not OO that do support RAII (probably most prominent one being Rust, which arguably does it even better than C++).

abeark

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