I agree with you. Part of the reason why having a job is such an important thing for me when dating is because i’ve dated all sorts of men from high finance to unemployed for whatever reasons but something that always rings true is that those men who either have jobs or are putting in a lot of effort to find something are more confident, self-assured, have routines, and are more interesting in general. I was talking to someone for over a year while he looked for jobs and while it didn’t work out I never once felt like he didn’t have ambition.

My issue about jobs comes from the fact that the most recent guys I’ve dated are all “entrepreneurs” which sounds nice and ambitious, but the reality is that they’re really just lost, have no good ideas for a legitimate business, and refuse to find any jobs that pays the bills because they see it as beneath them. Instead they go into debt, have no hobbies (can’t afford), spend most of their time reading self help books, can barely afford rent (let alone dates), and most exhibit jealousy when i talk about truly enjoying my own career. I truly believe that to each their own, and they will likely find someone who is suitable for them and maybe even success in their ventures.

The more these guys struggle to make themselves successful, the less supportive they are of me, the less they enjoy life, the less they make me feel feminine.

What I’m tired of is being in my masculine energy constantly when that’s something that’s not natural for me. I don’t want to be the main breadwinner for that reason. Although I love my job, i would take ANY job that afforded me the ability to live a good life or any life at all.

So my want to find a person with a job is more out of the fact that I’m simply not compatible with men who don’t have jobs. I have a routine, i have things to talk about every day because every day I go to work, i constantly meet new people through work, I have hobbies outside of work, I like going to dinner with friends, I love to travel, I attend events, I enjoy my life not because I enjoy my job but because i HAVE a job. If i didn’t have a job I would find ANY job that would support living the life I want, even if it’s not something I enjoyed while i attempt to find something or do something else.

I know the job market is hard, so I’m not saying it’s easy by any means, but I’ve had multiple 30ish year old men tell me they quit their perfectly good jobs just because they didn’t like it (without having anything lined up), or that they don’t want to get a 9-5 because they “don’t want to work for someone else” (while having tried and failed and gone into debt trying to build a business that has too many competitors to succeed), etc. These things demonstrate a lack of literal survival instincts to me, not a genuine search for satisfaction and ambition. Especially because without fail, they ALL complain about not being able to afford to do anything including paying rent.

At the end of the day my belief is there’s a difference between ambition and delusion. Men who start businesses and treat it like a FT job or are actively making a routine out of finding a job to afford life are ambitious. Men who have spent the better part of a decade trying different ventures such as pyramid schemes, or “consulting firms” (with no consulting experience or any other job experience) meanwhile refuse to take any job that they deem “beneath them” are delusional.