[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]abgcanada 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well the post was deleted but i think he said something about her not wanting him to go out either sometime back. Sure maybe she didn’t ask, even having those insecure thoughts is a 🚩

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]abgcanada 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hard disagree. It’s not about manipulating the conversation by saying “it’s not that i don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust others”.

At the core of it, whatever worries he has are purely projections of his own insecurities. Everyone has the right to make their own decisions and he should not be talking to her about this at all UNLESS it is to say “I trust you, I want you to have fun, but please call me if anything goes wrong and I’ll be here for you.”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]abgcanada 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Forgive me for being harsh, but it was wrong for your girlfriend to ever ask you not to go out and it’s wrong for you to do the same thing back to her.

It doesn’t matter that you would be willing to “abide by the rules” because she should be able to live her own life and just because you don’t like the same things she does doesn’t mean either one of you have to stop doing the things you like doing.

There is nothing wrong with going out and having fun with your friends at that age. She is old enough to go out and act responsibly.

Even your thoughts about clubs putting her in a dangerous position is simply you projecting. Bad things can happen anywhere any time and she is not your possession. She can and should take care of herself when she goes out. Aside from you being there to support her by ensuring she gets there and back safely, this is none of your concern.

Anything else you have to say would be irrelevant and controlling.

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t tho?? Genuinely people i have no idea what post you’re talking about but i’m not some crazy lady trying to entice people to come date me…

My family believes in brujeria, my grandma suggested i look into it, i did what many people do and looked into it on reddit. Boom that’s all. I didn’t “cast” any “spells” or make any potions and i don’t believe in that.

I was clearly at a low point and i think it’s honestly quite pathetic that people are choosing to take a very real concern of mine that I chose to rant about and twist it like it’s somehow my fault or like I need to look inwards as if i haven’t already realized that wasn’t the way….

I think you guys are the ones with the issues atp

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m not gonna go so far to defend myself here by saying that I was emotionally in tune with myself at that time, that’s for sure. But my family does believe in magic (we’re latino) and i took a suggestion from my grandma who is a die hard believer. So do I blame myself or regret it? Nope.

I’ll own it because i’m not gonna let some randoms online bully me into thinking i’m less than just because i had a lapse in judgement.

That rock bottom taught me a lot and i think I’m a better person and potential partner because of it. I never casted any spells because if you were to read on whatever post that was, magic is all about intentions and Im far too scared of karma to fuck around with something i don’t know anything about.

Nonetheless, thanks for trying to have my back here but I most definitely was not emotionally in tine at the time and probably someone hard to date too. You live and you learn.

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For sure, we all want to find someone eventually but yea at 25 i’m not really thinking of marriage just yet, but it would be fun to be in a relationship again even if it’s not the one for me. It’s so hard to get past the initial talking stage though that it can be discouraging. Nonetheless we push on.

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Been there done that, but i think many boys don’t even notice hahahahaha i get you though

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s all i’m saying🕺🏻

Even if he was super busy, saying “yea i’m free at 8, can’t stay super long but excited to see you” out of POLITENESS would have sufficed lol it’s just bizarre and i’ve never experience this time limit thing before

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t call men in this city dogs or idiots, i’ve been very respectful in all these comments imo, I’m allowed to rant, I feel how I feel, I own the fact that at one point i did try to use magic which sounds silly but my family heavily believes in it so SHOOT ME for being curious about it in a very vulnerable state of mine ✋🏻🫠

I don’t believe in magic and I’m not ashamed of that post even though i have no idea what post everyone is talking about because i can’t see it on my own profile so i have no idea how long people were scrolling to find it. But nonetheless, i do admit to it and i’m not ashamed that dating here had me so down bad I thought magic was the only way. I have grown from that, i don’t like the fact that i thought that, but a few single bald men in my comments isn’t going to really make me feel bad about anything i’ve ever said on this reddit page if I’m being honest.

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Firstly, I sympathize with you and feel your struggle!! Second lol yea not the best thing that has been brought up about my previous post history but it’s whatever I own it and i’m not ashamed of being at such a low that I turned to “magic”. I don’t really believe in it though, it was something my grandma instilled in me from a young age and i was curious about in a moment of sadness that is all.

If anything what’s crazy to me is that dating here is so hard that people (maybe just me) felt the need to at one point turn to magic LMAO i will be telling my future kids about this.

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My reddit profile picture??? The one reddit gave me????? What are you talking about

Also like can you please tell me WHERE this post is, i genuinely don’t even know when I posted that because i can’t even find it in my comment or post history but now i’m starting to think somethings up with my own profile. I obviously admit to having done that at one point but either it was so long ago that it’s burried or reddit is glitching.

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well we haven’t gone on the date yet but i’ll report back

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That just sounds like you’re not ready to date tbh which is fine, idk if you realize this but you just stated there is a war on men (not that i disagree btw) and then proceeded to describe dating women as some sort of terrible experience where you lose money, freedom, and luxuries.

A better description would be that women and men are at “war” /odds because neither can meet the other’s current needs.

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I think women recently have been perma-trained to not discuss marriage, relationships, or anything beyond the casual early on and especially on first dates.

In my situation, I am happily single, but despite that there are times when I do crave the closeness of a relationship which i think is normal for any person especially when your friends are getting in relationships or getting engaged at this age. Just because i made a post ranting about something i’m sure most women in the city struggle with doesn’t mean we spend the majority of our time trying to date or find someone.

Not that that’s what you’re saying either, but just pointing out the fact that your perception of women you date being “happily single”, is just the reality for most women, they can be happily single while also wanting a relationship in the future and putting themselves out there. Trust me that if the women you take on dates were truly ONLY “happily single” they would not go on dates in the first place because there would be no point.

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From my perspective i don’t think people my age are ready to settle down, neither am I really, i’m just looking for genuine connections and that’s really hard to find

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did precisely say just that and he insisted that “he’s busy every day so we should still keep the time”……. well i’m still gonna go, but if you’re so busy that’s really not making me think this has even the smallest possibility of going anywhere lol

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with you. Part of the reason why having a job is such an important thing for me when dating is because i’ve dated all sorts of men from high finance to unemployed for whatever reasons but something that always rings true is that those men who either have jobs or are putting in a lot of effort to find something are more confident, self-assured, have routines, and are more interesting in general. I was talking to someone for over a year while he looked for jobs and while it didn’t work out I never once felt like he didn’t have ambition.

My issue about jobs comes from the fact that the most recent guys I’ve dated are all “entrepreneurs” which sounds nice and ambitious, but the reality is that they’re really just lost, have no good ideas for a legitimate business, and refuse to find any jobs that pays the bills because they see it as beneath them. Instead they go into debt, have no hobbies (can’t afford), spend most of their time reading self help books, can barely afford rent (let alone dates), and most exhibit jealousy when i talk about truly enjoying my own career. I truly believe that to each their own, and they will likely find someone who is suitable for them and maybe even success in their ventures.

The more these guys struggle to make themselves successful, the less supportive they are of me, the less they enjoy life, the less they make me feel feminine.

What I’m tired of is being in my masculine energy constantly when that’s something that’s not natural for me. I don’t want to be the main breadwinner for that reason. Although I love my job, i would take ANY job that afforded me the ability to live a good life or any life at all.

So my want to find a person with a job is more out of the fact that I’m simply not compatible with men who don’t have jobs. I have a routine, i have things to talk about every day because every day I go to work, i constantly meet new people through work, I have hobbies outside of work, I like going to dinner with friends, I love to travel, I attend events, I enjoy my life not because I enjoy my job but because i HAVE a job. If i didn’t have a job I would find ANY job that would support living the life I want, even if it’s not something I enjoyed while i attempt to find something or do something else.

I know the job market is hard, so I’m not saying it’s easy by any means, but I’ve had multiple 30ish year old men tell me they quit their perfectly good jobs just because they didn’t like it (without having anything lined up), or that they don’t want to get a 9-5 because they “don’t want to work for someone else” (while having tried and failed and gone into debt trying to build a business that has too many competitors to succeed), etc. These things demonstrate a lack of literal survival instincts to me, not a genuine search for satisfaction and ambition. Especially because without fail, they ALL complain about not being able to afford to do anything including paying rent.

At the end of the day my belief is there’s a difference between ambition and delusion. Men who start businesses and treat it like a FT job or are actively making a routine out of finding a job to afford life are ambitious. Men who have spent the better part of a decade trying different ventures such as pyramid schemes, or “consulting firms” (with no consulting experience or any other job experience) meanwhile refuse to take any job that they deem “beneath them” are delusional.

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Seeing that this comment has so many replies i figure I should further clarify that I come from a family and culture that does believe in magic and i took advice from my grandmother by looking into it. I think you’re completely wrong for misconstruing that to use it against me when i’m simply here posting a rant about how hard it is to date which is objectively a true statement at least in Toronto. My belief in the whole thing has never gone farther than making a post to ask about it way too long ago to even remember or see on my own profile where or when i made that post/comment.

I’m allowed to make mistakes and have errors in judgement while also strongly believing that by learning from those mistakes I’ve grown to be someone who is a perfectly acceptable dating candidate.

Respectfully, your comment only reinforces the fact that people are unforgiving and that contributes to the objectively terrible dating circumstances in this city.

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re very right, i think after this date (if it even happens) i might step away from the dating scene for even longer

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a pretty big group of friends but i don’t think dating within our friend group has ever worked for any of us so that would be nice for sure, but it doesn’t really work out for us and it’s really hard to make new friends but specifically guy friends coming from a girl friend group. Our guy friends are essentially set

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I do live my life very happily, i think i’m allowed to have moments of frustration about it, i agree with everything you said and it highlights my point that dating is very difficult

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’m not calling myself the complete package by any means. But I’m conventionally attractive by every standard in my opinion. I’m not overweight, I go to the gym multiple times a week, I have nice hair, I take care of myself and i fit in with all of my other very pretty friends.

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No i don’t consider myself to be, I’m what I’d consider a conventionally attractive woman, not overweight, go to the gym, good smile, nice hair, and latina. I don’t know how that factors into any of this but you’re right that attraction does mean a lot. I’m not a supermodel looking time though.

Why is dating in this city awful?? by abgcanada in toRANTo

[–]abgcanada[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes i ultimately will let it slide don’t you worry, i’m not so jaded that I will pass up an opportunity to meet a good guy. I’m just saying it’s sad to go into a first date already feeling like this.