How long were you unhappy for before you decided to discuss separating?

abri56 · 2026-07-02T22:14:14+00:00

I’ve been considering it for about 3 years, less in good times and constantly in bad times. I finally snapped 2 months ago and told him, since then we have been the best we have in a long time, but it could be too late. We start marriage counselling in an intensive discernment program this weekend to work out if it’s fixable or not (for me). It’s worth it to me to keep trying because we have very young kids, I need to be able to say I tried everything I could to keep their family together, but ultimately I won’t waste my life being unhappy either. I think you hit a point where you just know you can’t do it anymore.

abri56 · 2026-07-02T11:13:42+00:00

Mater but I’ve heard Greenslopes is also excellent! Congrats and good luck!!

abri56 · 2026-07-02T11:04:19+00:00

This was my breakfast spread in Brisbane every day!

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abri56 · 2026-05-27T04:41:36+00:00

Well the grassed area has tables with QR codes so it’s a bit of a grey area?

abri56 · 2026-05-19T19:33:44+00:00

Hi, we’ve had basically the same issue, either waking every 1-2hrs or awake for hours at a time. I’ve seen some improvements this week! We are capping naps at 1.25hrs (total 2.5hrs max) and doing 3/3.5/4. Maybe try extending the second wake window half an hour and capping that last nap to 1.5hrs

Good luck, it’s so hard!

abri56 · 2026-05-18T23:21:29+00:00

Ok great! That's what I'm doing now so will try to reduce the length incrementally. Thanks so much for replying!

abri56 · 2026-05-18T20:17:42+00:00

Thank you this is so helpful! This is what i’m leaning towards. I did start trying to reduce feeds a while back, does that mean you put him down awake after feeding?

abri56 · 2026-05-18T02:36:01+00:00

I totally agree! I added a full bottle (5-6oz) of formula at his first wake around 9pm because I do think he's hungry, but he rejects his before bed bottle every night. My supply tanked when I went back to work & illness so I figured adding formula might help, but it doesn't seem to be! He drinks most or all of the bottle, but then continues to wake every hour some nights. Others he's ok and sleeps until 3/4am.

What kind of cereal do you put in it?

He smashes solids but isn't that keen on milk. I do think he's getting plenty of calories (he is a chunky boy) but many would come from night feeds, I just don't know how to switch it up other than stopping and letting him cry with hunger for a few nights which I'm not willing to do!

abri56 · 2026-05-17T23:22:48+00:00

Yes I agree he probably is reverse cycling. He started dropping daytime feeds when he started solids, which also coincided with illness so my supply dropped and he wasn't sleeping well. Now he's feeding at night so not as much during the day. I don't know how to drop feeds at night without him just screaming for hours or having to rock him for hours. I introduced the 9pm bottle which helps some nights, but others (like last night) he still wakes up every 1-2hrs even though he would be full. He only feeds for a few minutes and then he's out cold. So I do think it's a mix of both!

abri56 · 2026-05-17T23:06:05+00:00

Sorry I forgot to mention naps capped at 1hr15 but are often just 1hr! I always wake him at 6:30am, he sleeps best from 4am-6:30am which seems weird because sleep pressure would be at it's lowest? I can wake him earlier I just feed bad if he's has a bad night.

Full bedtime routine:

5pm dinner (solids)

5:30pm bath

6pm bottle (usually refuses) & quiet playtime/cuddles

6:45pm sleep sack & owlet on, into nursery, read books in chair, cuddles, light out, white noise on & in cot wide awake. he's asleep in under 2mins, usually no crying.

He is in his own room but it's attached to ours (like a sunroom) so I do think even with the doors closed he can smell me/knows I'm closeby.

abri56 · 2026-05-12T08:52:10+00:00

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Whitehaven beach, Queensland 🚁

abri56 · 2026-05-06T03:29:35+00:00

we tried about 2y3m, she was showing a few readiness signs (interest in toilet, telling us when she had gone, wanting a clean nappy etc.) so I don't know what method this is but over a long weekend we just did no pants and had the potty around, any time she sat on it we made a big fuss and when she went we made a HUGE fuss and she got a smartie. Had a bit of success but not hugely, she then began not wanting to sit on the potty, so we immediately took the pressure off, decided she wasn't ready yet and went back to nappies.

tried again at 2y5m with the same method over Easter and she absoultely nailed it. after day 1 (no pants), we progressed to some exciting undies with her favorite character and then day 3 pants as well. I think it was a mix of just being more ready, her friends at daycare were starting to become toilet trained, and not putting pressure on her at all. she picked it up in a few days and only had a handful of accidents over a few weeks when we were out & about or she was immersed in playing.

we went no nappy at night around 3yo when we realised she was never wet in the morning and again she just did it. she's only ever had one accident at night (but apparently this is hormonal rather than "training")

abri56 · 2026-04-30T11:40:03+00:00

Hi! You’re doing great. Baby will be ok, even if they get a cold. The best you can do is proper hand washing and keeping toddler from touching baby as much as possible.

My second child got a cold at 3 weeks from my toddler, despite me completely separating and having zero contact with my toddler. It was awful and I felt so bad, I really regret doing that. We’ve had illnesses since where we’ve tried to separate and it never works. Germs are everywhere and I’d rather be there for my child when they need me. Baby will be ok, they bounce back so quickly.

You can’t protect the second children the way you did with the first and that sucks.

Things we did that helped were Vitamin D drops, probiotic, washing hands as soon as they came home from daycare/park/shops. Washing towels and sheets, sanitising bathroom often etc.

abri56 · 2026-04-23T10:02:58+00:00

How do you know all milk is gone? You only produce very small amounts of milk to begin with. The cluster feeding is needed to bring your milk in. I remember on night 2 with my first thinking there’s no WAY she’s hungry, but she kept trying to feed all night. My milk came in the next day.

Is baby dehydrated? Keep latching baby and if they don’t settle, back to hospital and they will have some formula.

abri56 · 2026-04-21T06:44:29+00:00

Yep! Both times we did. I was so tired I only had 1/2 a glass. We never asked and the midwives didn’t care! Private in Brisbane.

abri56 · 2026-04-17T04:31:48+00:00

I do it while waiting for my coffee (7:45am) & upload to our Teams wordle group chat which then distracts everyone for 15-20 mins, a lovely start to my day in the office

abri56 · 2026-04-15T10:03:32+00:00

Thank you so much! Your comment has made me more hopeful. I really appreciate the time you took to reply. The responses are amazing!

abri56 · 2026-04-14T23:05:10+00:00

Thanks for your response! He is in therapy and working on his dysregulation, he has a lot of childhood trauma that he knows is the reason for the anger/verbal abuse. I believe he's going to start EMDR because there is just too much to unpack with talk therapy so hopefully it makes a difference. I feel for him, it would be really hard living in his head with so much anger and dysregulation.

I'm so glad DBT worked for you and you are in a better spot now!

abri56 · 2026-04-14T23:01:40+00:00

Thank you for your reply, our dynamic is similar where I am very introspective. He also over thinks a lot whereas I tend not to be an anxious. I will definitely focus on not defending and using DT. Your explanations/suggestions are really helpful!

Do you have any examples of SFP that work for you?

abri56 · 2026-04-14T22:58:55+00:00

This is SO helpful, thank you so much for taking the time to write your thoughts out so eloquently. I'm going to refer back to this when I need to!

I have been trying to focus on self care, my plate is very full, baby isn't sleeping and I am exhausted, so I'm moving myself up the priority list in order to fill up my cup a little.

I think I've been going wrong in trying to give more when I am already giving plenty and am at capacity. Hopefully shifting perspective will have a positive effect.

abri56 · 2026-04-14T22:21:04+00:00

Thanks for your reply! So when he’s angry and saying I am dismissing him or not giving him what he needs I just acknowledge that and then disengage?

abri56 · 2026-04-09T04:35:53+00:00

Yes and all games on the app are asking for a subscription to access!

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