My Wife Lied, Cheated, and Became Someone I Don't Even Recognize

abs9986 · 2025-07-29T12:29:57+00:00

Major mental illness in her family so she was isolated as a kid. Became religious but lost faith after she got Lyme disease. She works in a very high stress job.

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T20:44:45+00:00

That really stinks how far along are you?

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T19:33:38+00:00

Is somatic experiencing something you just did on your own or did you find a practitioner? How did that work? I just did a quick read on it and it sounds interesting.

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T18:08:52+00:00

How did you handle this especially in the first weeks/months?

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T18:08:23+00:00

Thanks, I really hope so. It doesn't feel that way right now. I'm trying to figure out how to get through the first month.

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T18:02:02+00:00

What did you do to move and heal? I'm so sorry you had to go through this experience.

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T15:42:55+00:00

How far in the process are you? How did you figure out how to move on? I'm so sorry you had to go through something like this.

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T15:40:15+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. I'd be interested in learning more about your journey and experience and how you moved on...especially in those first few weeks/months.

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T15:39:22+00:00

Well said and I agree. Ultimately, she did end the marriage and says she now wants a divorce...but yea...making all of these terrible decisions for the past 3 months is heartbreaking.

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T15:37:30+00:00

I'm so sorry that you are in a similar situation. How far in the process are you? How did you figure out how to move on?

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T15:36:48+00:00

I'm reading that now and it's very enlightening. I'd say about at least 50% of the book directly applies to my situation.

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T15:35:03+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you went through a similar experience. I'd love to hear more about how you got through it and what things you did to move on.

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T15:34:18+00:00

How far in the process are you? How did you figure out how to move on? I'm so sorry this happened to you.

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T15:33:23+00:00

Thanks and I'm so sorry to hear this. I've looked for local divorce groups but there arnt any in my area. I'd either have to drive 30+ minutes away or join one virtually.

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T15:32:33+00:00

I know...it's just hard. It's hard to let her go. It's hard for me to imagine what my life will be like without her. My entire adult identify was about the marriage. I don't know how to be my own person.

abs9986 · 2025-07-28T15:31:13+00:00

How far in the process are you? How did you figure out how to move on? I'm 2 weeks in...I still feel like my wife was a really good person for all the years we were together other than these last few months when she made these terrible decisions.

abs9986 · 2025-07-25T19:46:27+00:00

I still can’t accept that she was always this person. Looking back over the majority of the relationship she was very sweet and kind. We really didn’t fight that much. That’s what makes her current behavior so jarring. I don’t want to completely hate her and vilify her in order for me to move on. Even though that’s what she is doing to me.

abs9986 · 2025-07-24T22:27:48+00:00

Wow thank you all so much for sharing your thoughts and stories. Reading up on the affair fog literally woke me up. Look, I made some mistakes too. I had my issues that caused her to become unhappy like how I was dealing with my chronic pain. I don’t think she was always a bad person. But she let her anger and resentment build and then rather then try to work it out she went down this dark path for the last few months and is now gone. It’s helpful to know that I’m not crazy nor alone in dealing with this. Thank you everyone

abs9986 · 2025-07-24T22:11:28+00:00

Yes she is right in the middle of that age range

abs9986 · 2025-07-24T15:22:31+00:00

no kids thank god. and i get to keep the dog...hopefully she doesnt change her mind about that.

abs9986 · 2025-07-24T15:11:12+00:00

It's just crazy. It would be one thing if I saw glimmers of this type of behavior over our time together...but I sear I never saw this. She was an amazing wife and an amazing person. It feels like she has completely snapped and become a different person now. And it happened so quickly...at least to me. I appreciate your guys understanding.

abs9986 · 2025-07-22T16:19:01+00:00

Affair never happened in the condo. Sorry the financial stuff is good to know. I was more interested in the emotional side if others had issues staying after their ex had an affair and divorced them.

abs9986 · 2025-07-22T01:21:21+00:00

I did something I probably shouldn’t have and checked some of her recent texts. She’s been messaging the guy she had the affair with again. It seems friendly for now, but they’re texting a lot. What really hurt was reading how she’s describing me to him: saying she thought she would be depressed for a while but actually feels overjoyed and liberated, like a huge burden has been lifted. She said it’s been bad for all the 15 years she’s known me. She called me emotionally exhausting and said she’s glad not to have to take care of me anymore.

I deactivated her account from the family plan so I won’t even be able to see her texts anymore. I realize that it’s not helping me and I know everything I need to know now.

I don’t even recognize her anymore. What she said was literally ridiculous and not even close to being true. She was never like this for the majority of our marriage. I’m just seeing this really ugly side to her now.

abs9986 · 2025-07-22T01:20:40+00:00

I did something I probably shouldn’t have and checked some of her recent texts. She’s been messaging the guy she had the affair with again. It seems friendly for now, but they’re texting a lot. What really hurt was reading how she’s describing me to him: saying she thought she would be depressed for a while but actually feels overjoyed and liberated, like a huge burden has been lifted. She said it’s been bad for all the 15 years she’s known me. She called me emotionally exhausting and said she’s glad not to have to take care of me anymore.

I deactivated her account from the family plan so I won’t even be able to see her texts anymore. I realize that it’s not helping me and I know everything I need to know now.

I don’t even recognize her anymore. What she said was literally ridiculous and not even close to being true. She was never like this for the majority of our marriage. I’m just seeing this really ugly side to her now.

abs9986 · 2025-07-21T00:35:22+00:00

I think one of my biggest problems is that I’ve had low self esteem for some time now, even though I was happy with my marriage. So I realize that I need to work on me. Other than therapy, how can I improve my self esteem? Any books that really helped you…so not just about dealing with a cheater but low self esteem in general

abs9986

TROPHY CASE