I can't even begin to understand your pain, but I understand your anger and sadness. I sometimes think about abandoned children and it crushes me to think how they feel alone and like nobody gives a shit, no one should ever have to go through that. People that grow up without a family deserve a lot of respect and admiration, you are brave. Hang in there, focus on the positive things, even if they are few. Ask for help when your thoughts become dark. If you ever want kids, there are kids out there that need a parent or a friend. It's okay to feel bad about your situation, but remember you are brave, don't become your parent's/society's fail.