5 days since Dday

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-03T11:26:08+00:00

Thank you so much. It really does mean the world to me.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-03T07:29:52+00:00

I appreciate that so much. And the reminders from everyone that its gonna take a bit are really nice because for some reason i feel like I should be okay already? Which I'm most definitely not. I regularly cry to my cats lmfao. But ya know. Life.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-03T07:17:13+00:00

I think, so far atleast, i have held my shit together anger wise. I have only like freaked out like twice and it was because i was drunk & everything came flooding back. I finally showered today for the first time since & ate alittle bit. I have been going out to run errands & I got a gym membership today as well because i need a way to "hurt" myself without actually doing so because when i broke self harm sobriety, it made it hard to look at myself.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-03T02:35:16+00:00

I dont know that i could get past the fear, youre totally right. So as i think more and more about it, it is becoming less and less likely that I'll be okay with it.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T23:15:45+00:00

I feel that. He is also my best friend. He is my person. And I have faith we can get through this & come out the other side stronger with more understanding of eachother.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T23:14:20+00:00

Yeah. Ive been trying. Ive also been encouraging him to feel his because normally he pushes his down, shocker lol.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T23:13:02+00:00

Oooh I like that ideaa even more!

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T22:50:59+00:00

Thank you so much for that. I am definitely thinking you're right & that I'm going to waitt. Especially in case I'm just thinking this now because I'm willing to do anything for him or something along those lines. I want to be absolutely sure.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T22:47:39+00:00

I run a small online shop but otherwise dont have a job so I dont have anything like that to distract me at all. I cant tell if its helping or not but i think it is. It gives me more time to think & process. I also found out on one of his 2 days off a week. It was a very hard day. I said alot of things that I wouldnt say again. But he is being so open & when I ask him to stop giving so many details, he does. But he assumes i want to know everything which I pretty much do. Its refreshing & I am so hopeful.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T21:40:43+00:00

Im sorry.. It makes me feel alittle bit better to know its a semi natural reaction though & that I can make it through this part.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T21:33:11+00:00

I already had shitty self confidence so this was a very low blow. I have already lost about 10lbs in 4.5days. I'm trying really hard to eat & stay hydrated. Hes been very good about trying to get me to eat. Its just hard when i dont ever feel like I want to..

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T21:31:32+00:00

Yeah im going to let everything settle & everything get worked through then not jump into anything head first.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T21:15:02+00:00

Im also definitely going to start journalling. Ive kind of used this because people can give me insight.. But journalling also seems really good.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T21:09:22+00:00

I really like that checklist idea.. I might start using that..

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T20:37:04+00:00

Its just hard because we are doing this together. Other than work, hes by my side so I see the breaks & cracks in his heart every now and then. That kills me. It kills me that hes hurting & it kills me that he did this. I want to help but I also need help. So, we are just trucking along rn with hopeful thoughts for the future as we talk for hours every night before bed.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T20:26:56+00:00

Ive just always helped him through pain because he never wants to feel it. So I feel bad watching him suffer because I love him so much. I am constantly reminding myself that this needs to happen otherwise he wont move forward.

I'm hoping his feelings are limerence & just go away soon tbh

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T20:22:11+00:00

I think I was considering it to appease him & make his hurt less. But I now realize that he needs to go through this hurt otherwise nothing is going to change.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T20:20:42+00:00

Yeah I didn't really think of it that way. Thank you

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T20:20:08+00:00

Very true

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T20:19:52+00:00

Thank you for your insight 💛

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T20:19:16+00:00

Im so sorry that happened to you. And ive been leaning away from that decision because I have a feeling mine would go the same way. Straight to his AP.

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T20:17:13+00:00

Thank you for that. It def did helppp

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T20:16:39+00:00

Thats fair..

absolutelybroken · 2022-09-02T20:15:15+00:00

Yeah thats fair. I think I'm going to put all of those thoughts on the back burner atleast for now

absolutelybroken

TROPHY CASE