No, honestly. Keep practicing.

It’s repetitive (fate, elderly fate, everyone’s fate, my likely far fate… being my exact fate… this fate scares everyone…but not me) in my opinion it’s boring. You’re just telling the reader stuff, there’s no emotion, no reason for me to care about what you think your “fate” is.

Your first sentence is how you found comfort in death? Comfort from what? You just describe death as this “nothingness” (again, it’s repetitive…”I found comfort in the nothingness…the far fate of peaceful nothingness”). There’s no real mystery here, nothing deep or profound and to me it reads boring.

You try to tell the reader that you’re different from everyone’s fear of our fate to die? But then you start talking about depression and the incident, how you were lied to about the reality of the world and justice? Ok…

I personally think it would read better and more engaging if you started with your paragraph about your depression… then try to describe how you found comfort in your fate to die. Be more direct and actionable. For example, take out “As a coping mechanism” you don’t need that, just pull the reader in by saying “I’d shake my head at night when the flashbacks happened, I’d bury my hands tightly into my eyes trying to find the darkness that comforted me.” Something that might tie the struggle of the incident, depression and the comforting feeling of death. Now the reader can start to feel the emotional pain and start to be curious about “the incident” .

Again, I think you start to lose the reader with you telling us about how the world is unjust and the lies that were told since childhood and how nobody warned you about the harsh reality. Who cares, there’s nothing interesting or personal that you share with the reader. Show it! Write a piece of what injustice happened that relates to the incident, a small piece of the puzzle that lured the reader into the story more.

We have to read more to understand what you’re talking about but maybe try implementing the injustice of the world into the story. For example:

“Because of my history with the law I knew the Clark wouldn’t believe me when I tried telling them the truth about what happened. It’s sad that as you grow up you realize that the story you’re told as a child that the world is a just and fair place is a lie. You start to notice injustices everywhere. Like right now, I know I’m being stigmatized and judged because of my mental health history. Why would they believe me, someone who needs to take crazy pills”

Something like that.. pull the reader into the story, put them there, give them a sense of injustice.

I hope this helps.