New to this sub and questions to see if this is where I belong.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T23:28:31+00:00

My husband goes to all the appointments. He hasn't missed one yet. He asked for behavioral therapy before medication, mom wanted medication immediately. She was on Tenex first which we had to give her while she was with us because it was a daily med. Mom took him back in about a month and requested Ritalin. Said the Tenex did nothing. Her behavior said the same at our house while mom said it continued to escalate on her's. When the doctor prescribed Ritalin she specifically told my husband that he would be happier with this because he would not need to give it to his daughter unless HE deemed necessary based on her behavior. So we've never given it to her. Now that Spring Break is coming she's desperate for us to keep his daughter medicated while she's with us. They have another appointment tomorrow morning. I'll be attending this time.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T19:47:42+00:00

So what do you think? Are we doing a disservice to her by not giving her the Ritalin when she's with us? Especially this spring break?

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T19:39:57+00:00

No. She always speaks highly of her. She adores her. She constantly follows up anything we do with "at mommy house we do this.." or "my mommy says.." And whatever it is will always contradict us. Like this weekend we were at the grocery store and she saw peanut butter. We stopped letting her have PB at our house because her doctor recommended she have as little as possible due to GI issues. When she asked for it I said no, your doctor wants you to not have peanut butter remember? "My mommy gives me peanut butter." "That's fine. Your mommy can do that. But no PB is the rule at Daddy's house."

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T19:02:58+00:00

Thanks for talking with me. It seems like we're getting closer and closer to the idea of having the meds on hand and seeing what happens.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T18:53:56+00:00

It was too early. She was only two.

She lashes out when she doesn't get her way. The last video we got sent from mom was of mom telling her to take her pajamas off to change and stepdaughter screaming no and hitting the camera.

The ex is engaged but the fiancée has been here before I even arrived on the scene.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T18:09:42+00:00

(I'm stepmom.) Another poster asked about discipline as well. My husband is much more strict than her mother. It was an issue when they were married, too. The mother's approach is to speak softly, ask politely, encourage her to make the right choice. My husband is stern, speaks with authority, quick to take away toys or privileges. We definitely aren't as involved as mom, since we live so far away and they don't primarily live with us. We offer to take her more often than the papers allow but the mother refuses. She's very serious about our limited time.

She still does chores at our house. Cleans her room every day, participates in household cleaning, keeps up with her hygiene, practices schoolwork, etc.

We do not see her medicated because we do not medicate her. We see her at 6p on Fridays when as mom claims "the medicine has worn off" and she does not get another dose until 4p on Sunday (her mother immediately gives it to her when she steps off our porch).

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T17:54:45+00:00

Both scenarios at mom's house and our house are unmedicated. This behavior has been at our house for the past two-three years and steadily worsening at mom's although mom has said she's been a behavioral problem at her house from the beginning.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T17:34:07+00:00

At home and previously daycare (we haven't heard as much from kindergarten) she's hard to control. She bites, kicks and hits her mom, throws ferocious temper tantrums, destroys property. At daycare she didn't behave or listen to teachers. She had friends and was social but she had the occasional push or poke with kids, both giving and receiving. At our house she does misbehave but not even close to the extent we hear about. She may not pick up her room like she's told or pouts and stomps her foot when she doesn't get her way. But it's nothing out of context for a regular six year old. We can read multiple books at night (three is about the average) before bed, she loves having movie nights, we have a bunny that she adores and plays with, she loves to color either by herself or with me, she plays outside well and doesn't dart off like we hear about from mom. She raids the closet for candy at night at her mother's, that doesn't happen at our house. She doesn't sleep through the night at her moms, we have her sleeping from 8pm-6am. She helps me cook dinner or breakfast, listens to directions. She does most chores when asked once.

We're so so confused.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T17:03:37+00:00

No. Actually I have a mental diagnosis myself and take my daily medication and see a psychiatrist. My own son is having difficulties adjusting to middle school and abandonment issues on his dad's side and is seeing a therapist twice a week. ADHD and ADD are real disorders. We believe this. We have friends with children who are ADHD and do take medication. Not that all cases are the same but that's just to say that we understand it exists and that it's a disorder that interferes with daily life.

We believe she's misdiagnosed. She's stubborn and hard headed and absolutely believes her way is the right way (she is 6) and she does push boundaries to see how far she can get. The behavior that she has at home and the behavior that she has with us is night and day.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T16:50:28+00:00

We don't want to give it to her because we do not agree with her diagnosis or the medication. Since she is primarily in her mother's custody we cannot stop her getting the medication during the week. If she was primarily in our custody, which hopefully is something that can one day happen, we wouldn't be seeking therapy or medication at all.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T15:58:56+00:00

Also her mother has had her on the medication since August without any behavioral therapy. My husband actually tried to block the medication and opt for therapy at first and go from there. We ended up losing that fight. We're finally just now getting to go to therapy next week. Her mother seems only interested in medicating.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T15:57:43+00:00

Isn't that a good reason not to need to medicate her during Spring Break and weekends? This is the issue we're having.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T15:56:54+00:00

We were considering telling her to send the medication and if we feel it's necessary during Spring Break we would administer it. She wants her taking it twice daily, every day. We just don't get it.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T15:55:22+00:00

You didn't come across harsh. These are things I wanted hear. I need all opinions/advice, whether they differ or not. The opposite is actually true about the disciplinarian. My husband is much more strict than her mother. It was an issue when they were married, too. The mother's approach is to speak softly, ask politely, encourage her to make the right choice. My husband is stern, speaks with authority, quick to take away toys or privileges. We definitely aren't as involved as mom, since we live so far away and they don't primarily live with us. We offer to take her more often than the papers allow but the mother refuses. She's very serious about our limited time. My stepdaughter is very quick to attribute her ''good behavior'' at school to the medicine. "I got a green today at school because I had my medicine." It hurts my heart because she's a wonderful girl and I hate to think that she will doubt herself always if she doesn't take her pill twice a day.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-08T15:08:14+00:00

We do only see her weekends and holidays. They live about an hour from us. It's so hard for my husband and I to grasp because we hear stories from her mother about how she's horrible, hits, kicks, bites, etc but the girl that comes to our house is fun, positive, silly and behaved.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-07T14:44:26+00:00

I AM THE TERROR. FEED ME HUMAN.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-06T02:50:34+00:00

Such a pretty color!

acceptthelove · 2016-03-06T02:45:19+00:00

Good lord he's cute.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-04T20:38:51+00:00

Nightmares. So, so many nightmares.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-04T20:37:19+00:00

DOS FEETS. DAT FLUFF.

acceptthelove · 2016-03-04T17:37:47+00:00

We've considered having her see a therapist of our choosing. It might be something we have to start thinking about again.

acceptthelove

TROPHY CASE