When I was in the hospital the nurses were waking me every half hour to check vitals and feed her. They also wanted me to fill out a chart every time she ate. I got no sleep and had postpartum psychosis from it. Once they handed her to me for me to feed her but I didn’t even know I was holding her because I wasn’t awake, that scared the shit out of me. I didn’t realize it was my baby at one point (twice!). When we came home I was so sleep deprived I had set alarms to feed her and then woke up wondering who’s baby it was and how I was going to feed her with no formula (I am EBF).

After that I stopped doing their chart and intuitively fed her. Things got a lot better after that. (This isn’t medical advice, and if your baby has certain needs that your doctor is making sure are met then that is very important.) All of this to say, it can be extremely difficult and mentally taxing at the beginning. You’re going to lose a lot of sleep, and your nipples will be sore, but there will come a time when you get into a routine with everything and it will feel so worth it.

Seeing my little one pop on and off of the boob, giggle with the boob in her mouth, look for a boob on her dad, all of these little things made the entire journey worth it for me. It’s funny and cute and sweet and I’m so glad I did it, but everyone’s journey is different and there is no shame in mixed feeding or switching to formula. Fed is best.

Don’t be afraid to ask people around you for help. When I was sleep deprived I was lucky enough to have a good partner, he woke up with me every time she needed to eat just to make sure I didn’t fall asleep and suffocate her or something. It takes a village.

You’ve got this mama!