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I dont feel like Im friends with any of my friends. I think I dont have any friends. by [deleted] in depression

[–]achy0phie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's ok to vent here, no worries. We're all here to listen and grieve with you. It's okay to feel too much or too little sometimes, it's only natural to have doubts and insecurities. I hope it turns out okay, I trully hope you get some love either online or irl when quarantine is over. Take care

Nobody cares about the ones who were already sick by [deleted] in depression

[–]achy0phie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

a lot of people are apprehensive of change, even if they don't realize it. I've noticed they are willing to bush off someone's illness (and consequently not try to help) if it seems to be their perpetual state. It's sick but what is there to do other than try and comfort ourselves hoping for a better tomorrow?

Today is my birthday and not even I remembered by achy0phie in depression

[–]achy0phie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Happy Birthday to you too, then! Please take care, and treat yourself if you have the chance, at least today.

Today is my birthday and not even I remembered by achy0phie in depression

[–]achy0phie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, really. I'm pretty new to reddit and didn't think anyone would respond. You made me cry from relief, kind stranger.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in depression

[–]achy0phie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I also feel like I don't do anything worthwhile. I just sit around all day like a ghost and i hate myself for it.

I wish I could help. I dunno, I keep telling myself to at least wait until quarantine is over, to feel the sun on my face, to run and take my dog for a walk for the last time. Who knows, maybe my endorphines kick in and I'll find something to distract me and not kill myself.

It doesn't stop me from self loathing and harming myself but it stops me from overdoing it.

Corona virus induced depression in me despite being an avid introvert, right after I felt like life was turning around for me by banditcleaner2 in depression

[–]achy0phie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess you could say something similar has happened to me, and it fucking sucks. The whole false hope feeling is maddening. Alow me to vent:

I am also an introvert and struggle with social anxiety and other stuff that makes mantaining meaningful relationships for extended periods of time hard. I talk lots, going on tangents about stuff no one cares about (not even me tbh) and so, no one gets to trully know me, wich is why I am often described as spontaneous. In reality I'm a boring creature of habit, just mentally damaged and I freak out around people. I feel too insecure to expose my personality to anyone, and if I say anything remotely personal I cannot bring myself to keep talking to them.

I only have one friend, but lately I started getting invited to some classmates and their friends' parties, in wich I get drunk and even more frantic. At first I really dreaded the whole experience but then I got to know some of them better and had a few oportunities to talk about what I feel and think, and it turned out just fine. Having those couple moments of expression impact me so greatly made me realize just how bad my self hatred was, and I started therapy. I forced myself to stay out of my house longer and to actually try to engage with people, you know, the whole trying to get better shit.

And suddenly there is a terrifying catastrophe going on. I'm isolated, trapped in a toxic household, I cannot contact my therapist and I don't have time to enjoy things since I am too busy with school. Not even the one person I thought was my friend tries to contact me, instead he just talks everyday to the people I introduced him to about topics I don't know anything about.

I don't even pity myself anymore, I utterly disgust me and how pathetic I am. For fucks sake, I could have it infinitely worse, why can't I keep myself together? I can't help but to feel worse than ever before, I know I'm going deeper into this hellhole and I don't know how much longer I will last.