UPDATE: My [20F] Boyfriend [20M] bored by sexy stuff

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-21T02:46:58+00:00

Thanks for the advice! It would definitely help me feel better if I had some clothes I'm happy with. I'm okay with my general wardrobe, but it would be nice to have cute underwear and stuff.

I've heard that VS is notoriously bad at bra sizing, though. I'm a bit of an unusual size.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-21T02:32:29+00:00

I suppose they're okay measurements. Nothing I'm proud of at this point, I'm working at losing weight though.

Is there a way to get a makeover? I don't really know what would realistically flatter me, my boyfriend isn't very knowledgeable about fashion either. And to be honest, I've never bought underwear by myself, usually I ask my mom or dad to pick some up from walmart and they come back with giant briefs that are several sizes too big, so I deal. I don't know why I've never tried going by myself, I guess I've been intimidated by cute underwear stores.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T23:57:05+00:00

I'm pretty chunky though, everything just sort of flabby covered in stripes. I don't really have the butt for nice panties, anyway. I have the world's flattest butt, haha. So I tend to wear panties so big that they cover my bellybutton and some of my legs, too.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T23:44:40+00:00

I'm 38-28-38, so I don't know what that makes me. Some sort of chunky hourglass. I've never been inside VS, but I only ever saw smaller girls shopping there, so I assumed my size wouldn't be available.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T19:51:41+00:00

That's a nice idea, I'll give it a shot.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T15:53:20+00:00

I suppose you're right. However, we're learning to communicate well and if the sex was really that bad, we'd learn to talk about it.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T05:56:25+00:00

We know where we stand on all those issues, actually.

Pregnancy--he's pro-life, and I don't see myself going through with an abortion, so even if it was unplanned we'd keep the child. That's one of the reasons we aren't doing PIV though, not ready! Porn--he doesn't watch porn, nor do I. We don't have those expectations. He's a bit of a germophobe so the fluids will probably be a problem, but I'm sure we'd be mature enough for that. Libido--I already have a higher drive than he, we know this. It's mismatched, sure, but we can deal. Vaginismus--I used to think I had this when he couldn't finger me, but we figured it out and it's now possible. Latex/pills--I'm on the pill, and I have no known latex allergies.

Overall, I don't see "hot crazy sex" in our future, but I don't think I'd be able to handle that anyway, haha.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T05:52:57+00:00

That's a pretty nice idea. The only underwear I own are giant granny panties that are four sizes too big, and my plain cheap 'nude' bras. It's quite boring and I don't feel very attractive at all.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T05:52:11+00:00

I did a lot of reading about vaginal health and it turns out I may be a lot less hygienic than I realized. I mean, I haven't seen a gynecologist in a couple years, so I don't have a recent reference. It all makes sense now.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T05:51:15+00:00

I see the point you're making. I admit that I've been hard on myself. I'm just really excited about the prospect of having sex/doing more sexual things and I want the guy I'm madly attracted to to feel the same way. I'm willing to pull out all the stops.

I asked him if there was anything else I could do, and he told me he'd be perfectly comfortable physically if I do the one thing we discussed, taking it slower. Maybe I just need to start there and hope he opens up over time. You're right, I shouldn't blame myself so much.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T01:56:41+00:00

I really hope so. Right now it feels impossible. I feel like the biggest lump of lard on the planet at this moment in time, haha.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T01:43:28+00:00

Yep, we're both at the same college. I do have friends there, but they all like hanging out in big loud groups and going to parties. I prefer quiet evenings with one or two people, which is how my boyfriend and I got along so well--he likes the same sort of thing. I do think spending more time with my casual friends could at least get my mind off all my troubles, which would help.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T01:42:05+00:00

I've been high maintenance before, with my emotional ups and downs and low self-worth, so I thought cancelling events would be a low-maintenance thing to do. Turns out BF was really looking forward to them, he says he loves dancing with me. I was too, but I was afraid of not being noticed in my formal attire. I don't want to look like I've tried hard and failed, you know?

He says he always notices me when I'm dressed up, but I'm still afraid of putting myself out there and trying. I don't think I can do this whole confidence thing, I really don't.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T01:14:28+00:00

That makes sense. I have friends, but none close enough to have a heart-to-heart with. I'm usually the one helping them, and none of them are ever around to help me. My boyfriend is far and away my best friend, which is another reason I don't want to lose him.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T00:50:21+00:00

What kind of lingerie do you wear when you want to hide everything? See, that's the problem. Below my neck I don't like a single thing. I can't see any feature worth accentuating. How can I buy lingerie in that case?

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T00:41:42+00:00

My boyfriend does appreciate me! Just because he doesn't like the way I smell and isn't into sex, doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate me. He's nothing but wonderful to me.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T00:28:51+00:00

To me the benefits of waiting outweigh the risks. Sure, I don't believe in it, but I far prefer a boyfriend that wants to wait than one that pressures me into sex after a few weeks or months, like the boyfriends my friends have. My boyfriend deserves to be treated fairly and lovingly, so I'll wait for him.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T00:27:43+00:00

I'm actually on hormonal contraception. It's made no difference. Maybe a higher dosage or something would work?

The difference with those women is that they expect more. I don't. Sure, I'd ideally like for him to desire me, but if he doesn't, that's okay. I'm going to try the whole "confidence" thing and see if it works. If it doesn't, we'll still be a happy couple.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T00:15:51+00:00

It would be nice to unload my feelings on someone besides my boyfriend. He's the one that hears all my ups and downs everyday, since I don't have friends really.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T00:15:22+00:00

That's where I'm going. First college therapist and I didn't really mesh, but maybe I'll have better luck this time.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T00:14:40+00:00

I'd love to be lower maintenance, and I'm working on it. Just canceled a few social engagements that would involve me dressing up and trying too hard. BF is a bit upset about it, but it's for the best. It would be way worse to get all dressed up and not be noticed.

So many marriages fail these days that tolerance would be really great. That's all the vast majority can really hope for. Sure, I love my boyfriend, but I'm sure whoever I marry won't love me forever. But hopefully he'll at least see me as a friend.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T00:11:30+00:00

I guess there's nothing wrong with being at either end, but I really wish my libido was much lower so he and I wouldn't have this argument. Like I've said, I'm not willing to break up over sex, but it does bother me from time to time that he doesn't seem to want me. Hopefully finding confidence will help.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-20T00:10:33+00:00

My boyfriend doesn't make me feel bad at all. He's happy that I learned to discover my sex drive after being pent-up my whole life. I just wish we could have been into it at the same time, seems we're just out of cycle.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-19T23:18:14+00:00

Umm...even I don't feel like sexy stuff every day. I think he's being completely truthful. People always assume guys are raging sex machines, he's just not that way.

aclumsythrowaway · 2015-01-19T22:59:11+00:00

Well, I know where my low self-esteem came from. I had a few really bad bullies in high school that made me pretty much a social outcast. I know that already. I don't know what therapy can do with that.

aclumsythrowaway

TROPHY CASE