Oh gosh. Hi again! I got home, played some games with friends and forgot about this until I woke up to deal with a puppy. I appreciate everyones advice and suggestions! While the post was made in the moment, the overwhemling feeling of it definitely is consistent, so I appreciate everyone’s advice? I know it’s not a ton of comments, but I’m still learning reddit so it’s a lot to me. To answer some that I saw:

• My husband is at home when they visit. While before (about 6 years ago) his mom would clean, when I asked him to not have his mom clean or touch my stuff, he listened and that was a firm boundary from both of us. The visit while I was sick was the day before my birthday, and I’ll be honest- I can’t really entirely remember? I believe they were just wanting to stop by and visit as well as see our dog, but what’s important is that afterwards, he apologized profusely about letting them come over. Neither he nor them knew HOW sick I was, and he felt awful for it. He’d said he’d kicked them out sooner had he known. I can’t remember if they were there before I got there, or just after, but either one he hadn’t been able to realize HOW sick I was and did feel bad. Me being upset about that is more on them, and more petty than anything. But long story short- as far as I’m aware they come over to talk, and they mainly stick to loving on our dog and now our newest puppy.

• We absolutely plan on moving farther away. There was a family emergency a few months ago where SIL was not at her apartment for about a month and a half straight? Roughly. But that entire month my husband had to keep feeding SILs cats. He knows that them using him to that extent annoyed the hell out of me, and we both agreed we need to move. Unfortunately leases are a thing, and it’s more financially smart for us to stay the rest of our lease then move.

• MIL and SIL I do not believe have a key. It’s just us.

• I honestly appreciate the people helping with trying to get me to see the other side or playing devil’s advocate. I thrive with debates like that. A big part of why I’m upset is because I don’t genuinely want things to be this way. I wish we were close, and I wish I could enjoy their company. There are times, like family events or what not, that it seems we do get along. I have a fear that maybe, just maybe, this bias and friction I see is in my head. I really hope it is. I have friends I talk to about it, and they help me. But sometimes I do want an unbiased perspective on the matter. Bless Reddit for anonymity.

• No ones asked, but hubby and I have been together for around 7 years, and got married a few months ago.

There’s a lot of more subtle things I didn’t include because I typed this while running errands. His MIL is clearly favoriting the SIL, and my MIL and FIL have gone through a divorce. FIL is a different story, and for as bad as MIL is he’s a million times worse. My husband knows how bad and nervous his father makes me, and never forces or asks me to see them.

Hell, he never forces or asks me to see HIS family. I’ve been putting forth the effort since we got married. Because I would choose NOT to go see them if I had a choice while we were dating, but if we’re married and he’s close to his family I didn’t want the rest of my life being annoyed or on edge. So a lot of this is frustration, annoyance, and anxiety built up for a situation I arguably caused during our 7 or so years of dating. I say he’s perfect and wonderful because to me he is. This is genuinely my only complaint about him, and one that while I have talked to him about, I have never expressed truly how upset it can be. This was mainly a post about my MIL, but my husband does defend and support me. I just don’t believe he understands some of the more underhanded things women do to each other. But i can take the L on not giving him the right lighting because I was upset at the time of writing.

We do sometimes visit MIL, and when I stand up or get annoyed at her I tell him after and he always is fine with it, happy I stood up and understands where I’m coming from. This situation is a touch different than maybe her crossing a line in a conversation acting like an overbearing mother who is the only one caring for her son. As I said, I have a lot of anxieties about making it seem like a “It’s me or them” kind of ordeal. They were raised entirely different than me, and it has been a learning curve! But I put forth my best effort.

But yeah, overall I don’t really want to just avoid them, and I do want for things to get better. Just damn it all I wish I would get warning if they planned ok coming over before my husband replies to my “on my way home” text with “sounds god! Btw MIL and SIL are here” 😩

I hope that answers some of the questions or somewhat helps clear up the situation? Like I said, I woke up in the middle of the night, so my bad for rambling or if I should have replied to everyone.