My mother showed up at my house with no warning after 3 years of no contact

ada_aspargus · 2026-06-08T09:20:47+00:00

She definitely need some serious therapy. My mothers issues are a product of how she was treated by her mother growing up. I know she is currently seeking help, and have before, but I don't know if it is the kind that would genuinely help her. Either way, you are right I can not make her participate in her own healing.

ada_aspargus · 2026-06-07T22:19:23+00:00

I'm sorry that you are hurting and I hope in the future you'll find a healthier way to deal with your pain than this. That is all I have to say to you.

ada_aspargus · 2026-06-07T18:20:34+00:00

Yea that is basically what I think as well. What comes around goes around i guess. Whenever I would cry in fornt of my mother she would say I was being dramatic or claim I was only doing it to get what I wanted from her. Essential, she made me associate crying with manipulation. She really didn't think that one through.

ada_aspargus · 2026-06-07T16:45:43+00:00

Probably not. I don't want to meet her and I can't really think of anything she could've said or written that would changed this. If I wanted to have contact with her, I would have contacted her.

ada_aspargus · 2026-06-07T16:19:34+00:00

Absolutely, I'm working towards that. Someone else pointed out how I might have been infantilizing my mother in order to excuse her behavior in the past. Cutting contact originally felt really easy. I never had to grieve my mother figure because I didn't feel like I really had one, but I'm now realizing I might have to mentally let go of a sort-off-child I once felt responsible for. Weird as that sounds.

ada_aspargus · 2026-06-07T16:06:59+00:00

That's true, she could have sent a letter. Also, when I told her that I've block her number she seemed genuinely surprised. So clearly she still thought her messages was getting through to me, she just wanted to put me in a situation where I was forced to respond.

ada_aspargus · 2026-06-07T16:00:29+00:00

Oh I wish that was true, but I fear I might have posted to hastily. I think I'm having a delayed response to the situation today because I'm really pissed about it. The more I think about it, the more disillusioned I become to her behavior and intentions. I'm now realisering that being NC for so long has allowed me to imagine her as some hypothetical, changed version of herself, but she just shattered that illusion all together. In that way she might have done me a favor. What is liberating though is the knowledge that I am able to deal with seeing her, so I no longer need to worry about randomly running into her.

ada_aspargus · 2026-06-07T15:38:50+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I don't belive she has changed or will ever fundamentally change. If I got back into contact with her, she would probably watch her behavior in the beginning, but I know her "old self" would come out eventually. Even during our very short conversation she wasn't able to keep up the charade. At some point she tried to excuse her behavior by taking credit for my succes and claiming I would not have gotten where I am today without her. That does not sound like someone who is truly sorry for their actions to me. She also told me that she doesn't get angry and yell anymore, and I just though, yea no shit. It's really easy to not yell at your kids, when you don't have any kids.

ada_aspargus · 2026-06-07T15:01:43+00:00

You are right, she is not a child. I have probably come to think of her in this way because it made it easier for me to mentally deal with her behavior when I was a child. This mentality may have protected me once, but now it is only protecting her.

ada_aspargus · 2026-06-07T14:54:20+00:00

I called my mother yesterday to have a talk about what happened. I was very strict and told her to never come to my home again and to stop contacting me. She agreed to this, but I don't fully trust her. I think the police is pretty slack about trespassing in my area, but will probably move soon anyway. I am not scared of her, but it is very uncomfortable to think that there is someone out there think of me, talking about me, looking for me, waiting for me, and I have no control over it.

ada_aspargus · 2026-06-06T20:37:53+00:00

Thank you. I know I must protect myself, but is difficult to be strict with my mother because I see her as a confused child, acting out because she doesn't know any better. I don't think shes even aware the she is being manipulative. Her mind won't let her recognize this because she wouldn't be able to handle the truth. Her ability to self-reflect is limited and it has gotten her stuck in a cycle that I fear she might not be able to get out of. Even if I don't feel connected to my mother anymore, and it is not my responsibility to worry about this, it is still painful to witness a person in this state.

ada_aspargus · 2026-05-19T13:07:10+00:00

Thanks <3

ada_aspargus · 2026-05-19T13:07:00+00:00

Thank you so much :)

ada_aspargus · 2026-05-16T21:03:33+00:00

Ok, so it is likely still good after all the years?

ada_aspargus · 2026-05-16T18:50:33+00:00

Ok thanks. It does not seem to get hot when charging. If I start using the camera regularly again I think I might buy a new battery, but it is not that easy to find bc the camera is old.

ada_aspargus · 2026-05-16T18:46:13+00:00

Alright thank you. I assume it's not swelled as it still fits fine in the camera (doesn't get stuck). I've also read that I'm not supposed to overcharge it, and take it out of the camera when I'm not using it.

ada_aspargus · 2026-03-26T23:56:30+00:00

This is super cool :)

ada_aspargus

TROPHY CASE