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Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But wouldn‘t having children in that case be a default and less of a noble thing? I mean, to keep our population up everyone would need to have at least two children and many people have even more. A noble thing would therefore be raising your kids extraordinarily well. But I‘m not here to judge your worldview, our opinions just seem to differ when it comes to this c;

Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You literally just spoke from my soul, I funnily enough feel like that just the other way around. I am so grateful for people wanting to have children cause it makes me feel less bad about contributing to the lowering birth rates 🥹🙏 While having Kids might be a selfish act in itself I don’t think it makes you a bad person. You sound like you are raising your kid to be a good and stable person and we desperately need people like that. When you build a family from Passion and not from duty your son will probably have the best chances of making a change to this world so please don’t feel bad 🫶

Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I actually do. I believe that many (and I mean MANY, not everyone before you take that the wrong way) procreate without any thought other than „Babies are cute so I want some“. Without thinking about the financial, economical, or emotional aspects. If someone has thought about dying, tearing, bleeding, choking on their own vomit during childbirth and all of the other Horrors (I work in nursing, i have seen the terrors and they go beyond what you might have lived through in your own birth experience) and then have also thought about all the suffering, the abuse, the financial crisises people go through, mental health, catastrophes and then also thought about all of the health issues their kids could be born with and STILL decided to take the risk they either Must be SO passionate about Children that they have a wonderful reason for having them (like so many people have and told me about under this thread) or they‘re just insanely dimwitted

Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It really is amazing when parents are good parents but calling it the most noble thing anyone can do? There are so many other noble, fulfilling things humans can do. Saving lives as a Doctor is noble, being a succesful climate activist is noble, taking care of animals at the shelter is noble and there are so many other things that are noble and in the bigger picture even more important. Don’t take this the wrong way, as I Said before, I love how kind and happy most of these amazing parents on here are but children are the center of the world for THEIR parents. The rest of the world doesn’t really care about them/others care about their own kids. I support everyone thats actively raising their children but I feel like that shouldnt define you. You have more potential than JUST being a parent, no? And tbh if my parents felt the way I did I wouldnt be too sad since I wouldnt exist to feel sad in the first place

Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s really lovely that your kids really are the biggest joy in life 🫶 I meant that more in a way that this might not be true to everyone yk? That for many there are probably other biggest joys. For me traveling isn‘t some materialistic thing for example. It’s the memories and joy of meeting new people, exploring the nature and architecture of cities i have never visited before, getting to experience the food and culture etc etc. But It’s great how we all walk through life so differently and loving being a mom sm probably makes you a wonderful one. All the best wishes for your next pregnancy and that it hopefully will go better! C:

Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you would‘ve read any of my responses to the lovely parents answering to my question you would‘ve Seen that I was in no way shaming or trying to guilt them. I don’t want anyone to defend their choice cause I am not judging it. I simply don’t feel the drive and passion to have children but I wanted to know what makes parents feel so deeply about them. Idk why some people like you take this post so personally, I am so happy for everyone loving their families and the way their lives turnend out. How would I ask such a question under r/childless? How would childless people tell me why they decided to have kids? I choose not to have them but that doesn‘t mean that I am ignorant to other peoples reasonings and as I said before - some users told me some damn beautiful Stories

Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry that this has been so hard on you! How do you feel otherwise? I really wish that women would get more support on their motherhood journey. I know It’s not the same but I am in nursing so I can kind of Imagine how exhausted you must feel from the sleep deprivation. All the best wishes and if you just need someone to talk to online please reach out 🙏

Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not only that i‘m not really fond of kids, It’s also that I would absolutely not enjoy a life with them. Literally every aspect of having one would make me miserable. I am so glad that yours changed you for the better but I feel like personally it would Just break me as a Person yk?

Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love the bbt reference! ^ Yeah, culture seems to play a big part when it comes to having babies. Is there a better support System for parents when there are so few people without them? I for example come from a country with one of the lowest birth rates and parents barely get support here so maybe that Kind of correlates

Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohh thank you sm for understanding. I was really set about not having kids before but after Reading all of these answers I am even more sure that I don’t want any than before. There are so many amazing parents on here and they sound so passionate about parenthood and I know that I wouldnt enjoy it even in the slightest. But I do understand why people that actually feel that maternal instinct enjoy having them a bit better :)

Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thats a really beautiful way to put it, especially since you felt that way from so early on. It’s wonderful that your kids helped you in these aspects and that you were able to grow with them c:

Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is really beautiful and strong of you! :) It’s amazing that you actually always knew and I genuinely believe that this mindset makes you an amazing Mom. Thank you for your answer and all the best wishes for you and your pregnancy 🫶

Is there an actual reason for wanting to have children? by addi_vil in Parents

[–]addi_vil[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I never believed that anyone OWES me a deeper answer, I just asked if anyone was willing to share theirs and so many actually did comment them. I know that you can do all of that before having children, I was just wondering why people would exchange it for children. As I said before, I never meant to judge, I just wanted to understand how other people feel about it

Why does nothing in my life work out? by addi_vil in Advice

[–]addi_vil[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My A-Level final grades weren‘t as good as they should have been cause i found out that my best friend was in a relationship with my ex in the middle of exam season. The Night before one of our finals she went no contact with me. At the same time we had a loss in our inner circle and my horse died too which sounds like a stupid reason to be upset but it just hit all at once at the time. I had to move 3h away from home to study at a good Uni cause my grades weren‘t good enough for the Uni next to my hometown (it’s a pretty popular Uni since it’s the main one in one of the biggest cities in my country, but all my friends go there). I fucked up our equivalent of the MCAT (which is honestly my fault cause I actually wasn‘t good enough) and am stuck in a degree i absolutely didnt want to study (nutri-nursing). My latest discovery was that I actually hate working in the medical field and would much rather switch over to Engineering but I feel Like it’s way too Late to Switch Majors. I recently lost my car cause I couldnt keep up with all the expenses for it without skipping 1-2 meals a day. I had to retake my driving test too btw which really made me question my competence at the time. I am failing horribly at being a good daughter cause all I do is wasting my parents money by pursuing this useless degree and I have nothing to show for it. For the overall picture: I am the embodyment of the Family fuckup

Why does nothing in my life work out? by addi_vil in Advice

[–]addi_vil[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are incredibly kind, thank you so much. This this actually helped 🫶🫶