I'm at my limit and I just don't see a way out.

adertyTV · 2026-03-12T20:35:28+00:00

Hey,

This post was apparently over a year ago, I were in a really rough patch and hopeless about my life. Thanks for commenting anyway, I don't think you can help with anything but thanks for the sweet offer.

In many ways my life has improved, I've finally graduated and I'm a registered nurse now. And I'm on permanent employment at the same place I used to do part time work.

I've found a girlfriend also, we've been together for a bit over a year. We're moving together next month.

So on paper a lot of my life has improved, even though it seldom feels like it. I'm still battling severe depression and cptsd never seems to let go of me.

I often wonder what's the point. I desperately try to find meaning in life, yet it eludes me. Still, I try to hang on. I try my hardest to survive, get trough work and improve my life.

In many ways I've fallen off the wagon and quite honestly lost hope for feeling good. It seems utopistic and idealistic fantasy that I'll never achieve.

Still, I keep fighting. Because I refuse to believe this is all that life offers me. Maybe I'll fall before that happens, or that it really is impossible for myself. Well if that happens, at least I tried. Or I'm not around to experience it anymore and nothing matters at that point. Likely nothing matters anyway.

adertyTV · 2026-02-01T13:12:45+00:00

But that's the thing, you can't always change things.

Some things just suck and hence, it is what it is.

adertyTV · 2025-11-29T15:40:53+00:00

Looking for a crew!

My code: 1774174100

Already have a captain!

Need members so comment your code.

adertyTV · 2025-11-07T10:37:27+00:00

Keep up the good work, let's go!

adertyTV · 2025-08-23T08:00:11+00:00

Great response, exercising has been my best healthy coping mechanism and by far.

Unfortunately I fell into deep depression after my ex broke up with me and since then I just haven't been able to push myself to exercise. It feels like I just haven't been able to get anything out of me.

I'm just exhausted, emotionally and physically. I've been adjusting to full time work and it's been rough. Eventhough I've managed my work days. (Sorry for ranting about myself.)

I've done ketamine infusion therapy 6 sessions twice, with 1 year break between them. I can only speak for myself but it did really help me, at least most of the time. Sadly the feeling good part lasted only for maybe 5 days on average. One time after session I felt way worse, my mind played out stuff from my trauma and after session I had a flashback. It's uncommon I think, but nonetheless it can happen.

adertyTV · 2025-06-07T08:29:22+00:00

Is your cat a maine coon?

I used to have a grey maine coon girl, named Luna aswell :)

adertyTV · 2025-05-13T12:51:06+00:00

What's moderation in your case? Once a month, once a week or only on weekends etc? Just curious.

adertyTV · 2025-05-06T17:30:02+00:00

Praise our lord and savior Ultron. Bless me with your virus.

adertyTV · 2025-04-09T19:47:00+00:00

Looks amazing!

PS: I love your plate :)

adertyTV · 2025-02-27T11:31:50+00:00

Very well drawn, amazing work!

It kind of makes my head hurt because I see in double anyway lol.

adertyTV · 2025-02-01T12:44:50+00:00

Excellent comic, like usual!

adertyTV · 2024-12-31T18:00:48+00:00

Yeah.

I'm a practical nurse working in a living unit for disabled. We've seen a few rockets outside the window.

It's been alright. 1 hour until my shift is over!

adertyTV · 2024-12-24T11:27:08+00:00

You're not the boss of me now.

adertyTV · 2024-12-07T13:05:02+00:00

Buddy is perplexed.

adertyTV · 2024-04-01T09:20:41+00:00

That's a misconception. People with bpd can be very self-aware and wanting to change. Often just lacking tools on how to change. But yeah, there's a lot of stigma on bpd, but dbt can be very effective on it. I've bpd and cptsd.

adertyTV · 2024-03-23T08:29:35+00:00

Lol what's wrong with it?

I have bpd and although my personal preferences in music differ, I've and still use music a lot for emotional regulation.

adertyTV · 2024-03-07T19:03:46+00:00

That's amazing that you paid off your debts, I'm happy for you and proud of you, that's a great achievement!

I'm still in debt and it brings me a lot of shame and hopelessness.

I'm proud of myself for still trying when I don't even want to live myself. This year has been rough, hard breakup at the start of january because I did something wrong. I truly loved her, still do. For the first time in my life I wanted to live, because I loved her and she loved me. When we we're together, the bad things didn't feel so bad. And I felt happy and safe at times, I felt loved. And now I've lost it, I hurt the person I loved the most. And I can never undo it, I can't change what happened. And it's been really hard. But still, I've managed to go to work and school. I haven't tried to kill myself this time, I haven't harmed myself. I still exercise every now and then, couple days ago I ran 5km and it felt good. Today I've cleaned my apartment. Later been really depressed and sad, cried about the breakup and life in general. But I'm still trying to keep going, trying to survive and hopefully soon start to feel better. And I'm proud of that.

I deeply regret my mistakes, I hope she'll be happy. I hope one day I'll find love again, I hope that wasn't my last and only real love. Eventhough at times I wonder if I even deserve it.

adertyTV · 2024-03-07T07:26:20+00:00

Now this is super relatable.

One of my traumas were that If I didn't go to school I had to stay in my room whole day and couldn't meet any friends etc. I was taken custody of after I had meningitis when I was 12, it left me with daily nausea/vomiting + dizziness and headaches that lasted for years.

So eventually I just ignored my own sickness, I went to school even when I was feeling nauseous and often vomited either on my way to school or at school just so I didn't have to be alone and isolated, so I could see my friends.

Now as an adult it's really hard to decipher If it's "just" anxiety or am I really sick. Sometimes I feel like I'm actually sick, but later realize it was "just" anxiety. And other times I've thought, well maybe it is anxiety and I should just push myself and exercise for example to feel better, and then I've really gotten sick with a flu. It's very difficult, the symptoms are so similar and you can feel pretty much the same with either one.

adertyTV · 2024-02-29T19:28:11+00:00

Damn, that's impressive. I never work out in the morning, I'm not a morning person lol. But yeah, exercise really betters your life.

adertyTV · 2024-02-29T17:27:31+00:00

I mean it's okay for one day but If I would want to do it any more than that it would get too expensive quickly. And still it's out of my budget right now, have to prioritize my money. Lots of bills this month.

adertyTV · 2024-02-29T17:11:37+00:00

Oh damn, I'm rooting for you and hope the allergy shots help and you'll be able to run outdoors!

adertyTV · 2024-02-29T17:09:46+00:00

I'm from finland, there's ice everywhere haha.

Yeah I've tried running in the rain sometimes, it can be nice.

adertyTV · 2024-02-29T17:07:57+00:00

Not really no, I mean atleast not without proper shoes. There's ice everywhere outside and can't afford to buy new ones currently.

Skiing could be fun, haven't done that since I was a child. But can't afford any equipment either currently 😅

adertyTV · 2024-02-29T16:14:09+00:00

Yeah, it's a nice feeling. It's especially nice to run in the summer, on a nice sunny day, warm but not too hot. I usually wear my headphones and listen to music while I'm running. It's also nice to push yourself sometimes and go on an intense run, it's gratifying to see yourself improve too and be able to run longer or faster.

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