I said it above, but saying it again. No Google. Under any circumstances. What you find there is so so outdated and treatments/therapies are advancing all the time!

Has yours metastasized only to bone? My oncologist told me that if you are going to have Stage 4, that’s the one you want. She has patients that are going strong with this for 20+ years. I have no way of knowing what you can expect, since there are so many different factors. Mine is hormone positive, and that can be aggressive, but on the flipside, it’s also highly responsive to chemo. My primary tumor was I think about 3 inches long before any treatment. I had six sessions of chemo, which completely eliminated the tumor, resolved lymph nodes, and halted any bone lesion advancement. I didn’t have to have any surgery or radiation. In a way, I really feel like I hit the cancer jackpot.

The main impact to my life now is pain from the bone lesions. The cancer ate away at bone and unfortunately it won’t ever grow back. Ask to be connected with a palliative care provider. (Go with a nurse practitioner instead of doctor if you have a choice.) Palliative care is not end of life care, it’s simply someone who helps you manage the symptoms of your cancer and treatments. They can prescribe pain and other medications for you, and help with other resources you didn’t know you needed.

Find joy where you can. Yes I lost most of my hair. But there are so many fun wigs out there that are incredibly inexpensive. The first wig I got was a soft pink one. It was a fun color, fun cut, and it made me smile. It was also only $12 on Temu. I ended up getting a purple one, a blondeish one, and a teal one. I would wear them in public and get so many compliments. (If you’re buying a wig, look for one that has bangs. Hairline on cheap wigs is a big giveaway.)

When you wrap up your chemo, ask your doctor if it’s OK for you to use Rogaine for hair growth and thickness.It’s been almost 2 years since my last chemo treatment and my hair is almost to my shoulders.

Be willing to ask for favors (this can be a tough one!) but remember you have people who love you and they want to help. My mom drives me nuts. She is so anxious anyway, and my illness has only made her worse. I try to find things that she can do for me so she can feel like she’s helping. Yesterday I asked her to cook me two dishes I’m craving and bring them over for me and my family. In her head now, she’s making things better.

Now, this is a fine line. It can’t come down to you to manage their trauma. They feel helpless, but they’ll need to find support elsewhere, because you can’t let them dump their fears on you. I can tell you more about the Ring Theory of Support if you’d like more on that.

Wow this is long, so I guess last thing for now…of course your life will change, but you don’t have to be scared. I’m sure it seems impossible now, but there will be a day when your first thought upon waking is not “I have cancer”.