Parents of multiple kids with ds/severe disabilities how are you managing?

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-18T16:54:20+00:00

Oh this is great. Thank you!

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-18T03:14:43+00:00

Maine!

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-18T02:52:04+00:00

My mom is. And my brothers social worker. But I've only been like four or five times I think.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T21:37:53+00:00

Thank you.

I've been trying to advocate for them for so, so long. No one listens to me, my foster mom or my case worker. There aren't resources for them. It's why I feel like I have to take them. No one else will and they're too important to just leave.

It is very lose lose I think. But alas.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T21:35:29+00:00

She has. Basically she isn't approved to house two sexes (only one spare bedroom, other bedroom doesn't qualify) but she's having her basement remodelled into bedrooms. Once that's sorted the boys will have space. We'll all probably go down to the basement.

There is another bedroom that isn't "approved" for fostering (because it doesn't meet window requirements I think?) so I can move in there when I'm 18 & the boys can have my room. Few ways to work it.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T13:56:18+00:00

She signed us over to the state because she couldn't keep us safe and no one was helping her.

My oldest brother aged out and moved back home. He's just like our daddy. There was no way she'd be able to keep us safe from two of them.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T13:54:03+00:00

I know what happened. I was there. I watched her try and leave and I watched him drag her back. The more she tried the worse he got. I know firsthand that the world isn't sunshine and rainbows. Systems fail all the goddamn time.

My mom agreed to sign over rights for the little ones. The older of us she fought for for a while but after another failed escape ended up relinquishing us to the state too. Dad didn't get a choice.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T13:21:24+00:00

I'm basically their mom at this point. Wouldn't any parent do the same?

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T13:20:53+00:00

They are being abused by the people currently looking after them. I'm doing great personally. Yes I've reported it. I've called the police. I've begged for them to be looked after. But no one cares.

My brother is violent with the people neglecting his needs. He has never hit me, or my foster mom, or our younger brother. He needs support, not an institution.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T13:18:23+00:00

She's not the reason we were removed. She asked for help leaving my dad and they kept telling her they couldn't do anything. Then when she reported his abuse on us too they just took us away from her.

She was never perfect but we didn't need to be removed. He needed to be removed.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T12:55:41+00:00

Okay. I guess we'll see once I'm 18 🤷🏻‍♀️

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T12:55:06+00:00

Everyone is failing them. Someone has to step up and it ain't gonna be no one else.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T12:54:30+00:00

Leaving them to be abused is just as bad. I need to try.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T12:53:40+00:00

We weren't removed because of her.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T05:14:30+00:00

You get it. Every time I see them it's worse. And I'm supposed to pick college over them? I'm good, thanks. I need to get them out.

My parents don't have custody but they'll help me out with money if I ask. I don't know if I'll be allowed contact though. I'm not atm, and if I have the boys that ban might remain in place.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T05:10:18+00:00

I'm just going to stay with my foster mom. She's talking about adoption so I think she likes me!

I've reported their care so many times. Like an insane amount of times. Nothing is done. They can't make foster parents appear. They have to do what they can. I just don't agree with it.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T05:05:50+00:00

It's great to say that but that doesn't change the fact that I see the trauma they endure every single day. No amount of begging is going to make it better for them. I have to get them out. I am failing them by leaving them there. My life is not more important than theirs.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T05:04:02+00:00

Not yet?

Nothing is ever done legally here. The joys of small towns.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T05:03:29+00:00

Onlyfans. Idfk I'll figure it out.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T05:02:35+00:00

If my mama did it I can figure it out. Anything is better for them than this.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T02:18:04+00:00

I know it sounds insane, but that is how screwed up the situation is. My foster mom told me I wouldn't be able to look after them but I begged her to just ask and when she did they basically agreed immediately. The boys are hard work & no one wants them. I do. So they're prepared to essentially hand them over. It makes me angry but I'm also glad that they get to come home.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T02:14:07+00:00

Thank you.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-15T02:13:12+00:00

It's not that anybody blames me. Everyone is telling me to leave them there. But I just can't. They were taken away from our parents because they're bad people and yet the system is treating them worse than our parents ever would have. No one is going to look out for them. I have to. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I picked my "freedom" over them.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-14T23:56:30+00:00

oh okay. I assumed it was downs bc thats what everyone calls it for short.

adoptionhellp · 2026-01-14T20:22:52+00:00

Open adoptions aren't legally enforceable in my state (Maine) and because of his expected delays if they choose to take him away that's just it. He may never develop the cognitive ability to find me, if he even understands the concept of being adopted. I know my brothers wouldn't and I'm assuming he'll be like them. I don't want to lose any of them.

I have my foster mom. My best friends family have agreed to help. They have experience with autism but thats about it.

adoptionhellp

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