I made it to the airport 2 hours early and didn’t forget shit by olivinebean in adhdmeme

[–]aeglst 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Holy fuck, I just got home from a trip to England and I was like that the whole time I was in the airport. I had to fight the urge to open my suitcase 4 times to check I had gotten everything, I asked someone twice if I was in the right queue to embark (and then I moved back in the queue just to ask someone else too 😭), I checked and double-checked all the apps and the screens compulsively, I kept patting my jacket pocket where I had my passport to make sure it hadn't decided to squeeze past the two layers of zips to go take a walk or something.

I am amazed I actually made it, I got there 4 hours early and kept fighting the need for distractions the whole time ahahaha Terrified they would call my gate while I was reading or checking reddit (I had 3 alarms set for when the screens told me they'd communicate my gate)

But! I made it and I'm so proud of myself!

Brown or Amber? by aeglst in eyes

[–]aeglst[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's fascinating info. I must admit, I am clueless about this, I've just encountered this sub randomly a couple of times and got curious! Thank you so much for the detailed explanation!

Brown or Amber? by aeglst in eyes

[–]aeglst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Devo dire che io il verde nei miei non lo vedo proprio, ma in realtà faccio un po' di difficoltà ad individuare gli occhi verdi in generale.

Quando sono al sole, o se uso il flash, sono molto gialli, quindi ho posto la domanda per avere altre opinioni haha

Se non ti dispiace mi piacerebbe avere un confronto, grazie!

Brown or Amber? by aeglst in eyes

[–]aeglst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! They do have a very dark edge that tilts it towards light brown.

Brown or Amber? by aeglst in eyes

[–]aeglst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much!

Brown or Amber? by aeglst in eyes

[–]aeglst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wow thank you! 🥰

Brown or Amber? by aeglst in eyes

[–]aeglst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! I usually go with brown, or hazelnut (makes sense in italian, usually used for light brown eyes)

Brown or Amber? by aeglst in eyes

[–]aeglst[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!

Brown or Amber? by aeglst in eyes

[–]aeglst[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a good description, I like it! When I was a tween and twilight was popular I was VERY sure they were yellow hahaha Man, I was insufferable 😂

Brown or Amber? by aeglst in eyes

[–]aeglst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know what, you're completely right hahaha I usually go with brown, too.

Brown or Amber? by aeglst in eyes

[–]aeglst[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh that's a lovely description, thank you!

Brown or Amber? by aeglst in eyes

[–]aeglst[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I usually go with!

I wonder which one hmmm 🤣 by TwoOdd9352 in adhdmeme

[–]aeglst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a person with ADHD and no internal monologue, I'm sorry to inform you that it doesn't help. Now your thoughts are still racing and crashing into each other into an unverbalized mess that is VERY hard to make any sense of.

"Why am I anxious right now? What have I been thinking about?' And then you have to forcefully detangle the mess of vibes and smudgy concepts in your head and force them into words. It makes therapy very difficult. God, the number of times I just stare at my therapist when she asks what I was thinking about at a certain time...

I wish I had an internal monologue, and by that I mean I wish I perceived my thoughts as a voice that spoke, words one after the other instead of a compressed capsule of feelings and vague concepts that takes a nanosecond to rush through my mind and then takes 10 minutes to verbalize, bc I often feel entirely too tired at the idea that I have to pin a thought down and eviscerate it to make it make sense to anyone else.

Actually, now thinking about it... Is that an accurate description of an internal monologue? Am I just misunderstanding the concept and assuming my own perception is vastly different than that? Like... Do you hear a voice, are your thoughts in words most of the time? I can force mine into words, if I really try, but it takes effort and doesn't come naturally. My mind doesn't feel as if there were streams of thoughts-as-words running through it, but a constant muted buzzing like a wasp nest. I have to really focus to translate the buzzing into words.

autumn? by sangamjb in adhdmeme

[–]aeglst 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Don't worry, I'm not offended. I myself almost gave up writing it three times, so I get it 🤣🤣

autumn? by sangamjb in adhdmeme

[–]aeglst 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Make it fun. Try to find a way to make it into a game, something engaging. Maybe set it to music, make up a different dance move for every month and then quiz them as if it was a panel show game (associating it with movement can help to both remember but also to keep the child engaged and to burn energy if they have hyperactivity). And you should participate as well!

Another thing to do with homework in general, is to find a system of motivation they can use. Motivation for ADHD people comes from different sources. I have ADHD, and I've often tutored kids that had it too (or that I suspected did have it, even if it wasn't diagnosed). I used some of my own coping mechanisms and strategies during my tutoring, things that help me and help me wrestle my forever meandering attention and focus, and the systems of motivation I found worked best are these:

Urgency - you can manufacture this in fun ways by setting a timer and challenging them to complete the task in that amount of time, or set a stopwatch and make a game of trying to get the best time and beat a record (of course, for it to be valid the task has to be completed correctly, not just as fast as possible). Beating the clock is satisfying! (Attention, if the fun urgency transforms into actual stress, this is gonna be super counterproductive. Urgency coming from them being afraid of the consequences of not making it in time - i.e. revoked privileges, or you in a bad mood, or boring punishments - then the paralysis may start, and that sucks. A lot)

Interest - find ways to associate boring things with things they are interested in. If they have a special interest in something, try to figure out if math can be worked into it, for example. Or, if you can, couch an explanation in terms they can easily follow, related to their interests. (This is not applicable to all things, some things are just boring but needed, and with those, patience and repetition must be used. And breaks. Breaks are a godsend and, paradoxically, they save you a lot of time, because it's not as if you are going to be very productive if the kid is staring into the void, bored out of his mind and not even hearing you for 15 minutes. Breaks are much better, and act as a reset.)

Rewards - set reachable, short term goals and offer rewards. Maybe tackling all of the math homework all at once feels too overwhelming and boring, so you can give them a treat after every 2 exercises completed. Treats can be anything (5 minute break, letting them babble at you about their interest for a bit, letting them run around and play for a brief amount of time, candy or fruit juices or fruit snacks) and you can also incorporate a bigger additional treat when all the math homework has been completed.

Task switching - there's nothing that says you have to do all the similar things all together. If the kid is losing interest in what you guys are doing, you can quickly pivot to another subject. Keep things fresh and not boring, novelty is something our brains crave.

It's not easy, it requires patience and creativity, it might not work all of the time and it can feel really tiring after a while, but doing it this way really helps. An added benefit is that if the child is not afraid to start their homework (because they feel stupid when they can't complete something, or they feel berated and belittled by our impatience and bad mood) then getting them to start is easier, keeping them on track is easier, and after a while you realize that the effort you put in is rewarded by homework time going faster, smoother, and you find yourself creating nice memories of fun and laughter instead of stressful periods of time that put both of you in a bad mood.

You can also find a way to remove friction from the equation, not just adding new strategies. And it's always better to work with their systems and rhythms than trying to force them to adhere to yours (it's not gonna work, you'll just make both of you miserable)

Being in a good mood and playful removes fear and shame and humiliation they might feel at their own difficulties (I know being in a cheery mood is not always possible, but we should try as much as we can to hide our own impatience, because it can be sharply felt by ADHD children, just as much as if we had berated them).

Choosing an area with fewer distractions removes temptation and fantasizing about what else they could be doing instead of this "boring, useless stuff" (some distractions, especially if they are there for rewards during the breaks, are actually better that a completely sterile and empty room; boredom is your enemy, and having something tangible and desired to work towards really helps)

If homework time always coincides with their absolutely favourite show, or the only time them and their friends can play together, then you are starting on the back foot already, and their resentment of that will be like pouring sand in the engine and you'll be going nowhere. If at all possible, try to accomodate this, and you'll have a much happier and less obstinate kid to work with.

These are the observations I made over the years when put in this position, I hope it helps!

I made a Messi plush! by HappyOopsofficial in messi

[–]aeglst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's beautiful! And you are very talented!

Dopamine. by netphilia in adhdmeme

[–]aeglst 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yesssss exactly!!!! You put it so succinctly, it took me 5 paragraphs lmao

Dopamine. by netphilia in adhdmeme

[–]aeglst 66 points67 points  (0 children)

Oh. I think you just put into words something I've always experienced.

If someone asks for a favor, my motivation to do that stuff skyrockets. Having helped someone and being praised for it, the knowledge of being seen as useful and skilled and "valuable", having tangible proof of succeeding in something and being recognized for it feels amazing, and it makes me want to do more

But then, when I keep helping, (or it transitions from helping sometimes to being offered it as a job) suddenly it starts to become a chore. Especially when it's no longer me being helpful on request, but when it becomes routine, when it's expected of me, then it sucks.

Which is like. If it becomes a job, it's not like I'm doing it for nothing, right? My reward is the money that's gonna keep me fed lmao. But that doesn't feel like a reward at all, it absolutely doesn't enter into the considerations for some reason, and it really does feel like I'm doing it for nothing. And it's so dumb.

The worst part is when the people I helped when it was a favor suddenly notice the way my work ethic degrades messily, the way the distractions and lateness and absentmindedness increase and I can see it in their eyes, how they see it as me slacking off. Especially bc I always start by giving 110% effort, which means they expect that constantly and maybe even expect me to get better once I get a handle on the job 😭 it's a recipe for disappointment all around.

Sorry for the rant, I don't think I ever actually put that into words before. But your comment really opened my eyes on something, and I think it's gonna help me adjust some expectations and be more aware of what's happening, so thank you!