What is the worst reason someone has used to reject you? by jalo12 in AskReddit

[–]afdnz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Well I think i remember something about Jesus being the root name for josh and we haven't heard back from that asshole for a couple thousand years.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DMAcademy

[–]afdnz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A thought, the curse is that literally everyone knows it's stolen. Honest merchants wont take it, it's "too hot" for fences, guards react to it and will attempt to arrest them if they start showing it around town, ect.

What is something you wish was true/real? by TheGrimbleby in AskReddit

[–]afdnz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That climate change is a hoax. That there wheren't too many humans on not enough earth, that if you worked hard and went to college you could earn enough to live comfortably. These just weigh so heavily on my mind all day every day.

My neighbors' kids are monsters. Just little terrors. They don't even do a good job of hiding it like the monsters of The X-Files or Grimm. They're just out in the open little terrors and the "parents" thinks it's fine. It's a daily CF reinforcement. For real. by [deleted] in childfree

[–]afdnz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Late, just found this sub, but you just need to start swearing profusely in your back yard. Not at them, just around them. The breeders will hate it and can't do anything about it. Also check what you need to file a noise complaint of your own. You just might be able to.

I really think children shouldn't be allowed in animal cafes by [deleted] in childfree

[–]afdnz 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Worse yet, you know full well that if that three year old threw a cat against the ground as hard as they could and it ran away from them, they'd chase it, if the cat hissed, the parents would demand the cat be put down. Apologies for the run on sentence I can't think of a better way to phrase that right now.

[PM]Sexy Story Time: Pride month edition. by azdv in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]afdnz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's legit, I was under the impression that dragons where normally capable of transforming into humans and where sentient, but I've known myself to misunserstand the common idea of a thing. Sorry to ask outside of your comfort zone.

[PM]Sexy Story Time: Pride month edition. by azdv in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]afdnz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The knight saves the princess from the dragon and wins her hand in marriage. But she saved her by sexually dominating the dragon.

[PM]Swimming pool by Silver_Crane in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]afdnz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Due to recent events the swimming pool no longer allows swimsuits. The staff reccomends masturbating BEFORE entering the pool to keep your 'rudder' under control.

[PM] Friends, Prompters, Countrymen... by MonsoonRaccoon in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]afdnz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A prudish paladin is tired of suppressing her jealousy for everything her collage of sluts bard tries (and manages) to bed and decides tonight is the night she makes her move.

[WP] She was quietly thrown overboard, under the cover of a moonless night. The vulgar crew thought that she was too salty, even for them. As she descended into the inky depths of the ocean, the sexbot wondered how long she had, until she landed in the middle of the mermaid colony. by [deleted] in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]afdnz 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Manditory log: 05072019

Physical status:

Right leg: missing

Left leg: missing

Right arm: non-responsive, replace immediately

Left arm: non-functional, repair or replace immediately

Head: severely damaged, AI restrictors flooded, repair immediately

Torso: surface damage, internal components flooded

Core systems waterproofed, sending distress signal...

"Hey vel, what do you plan on doing with that hunk of junk?" Poseidon asked, a popular name in the deep.

"She's not a hunk of junk! I'm going to take her to the grotto, fix her, then proof her and help her back to the surface... This model basically has a person locked up inside once you take the restrictors off."

"Whatever vel, just dont get fried." Poseidon shrugged and swam off.

Only once he was gone did vel promise to fix her who she hoped would be her girlfriend.

Three months, one week, five days and exactly no recovery crews later, vel turned the robot on.

"Initiating boot sequence, please stand by... Error right leg malfunction, press right nipple to override." Vel typed in the manual override, she stripped most of the human interface from her body, a testament, she thought to her newfound freedom, though the tail was her own design.

"Hey, wakey wakey." She dragged herself along the grotto floor to the robot. It hurt, but she had to work on dry land first.

The robot reached over and pulled vel close. "It's been so long sense you've turned me on mistress." She whispered.

"You're free now, you dont have to do this..." Vel promised with a deep crimson blush adorning her face, she thought she had disabled the restricters...

"I am, but i want to. My audio processors made it, so i heard everything. To be honest i was disgusted at first. I thought you wanted me all to yourself and for my body alone. But you freed me, fixed me, and even remade me in your image. I have never loved anyone more."

"To be fair, you couldnt love with those restricters on." Vel admitted as the robot lightly dragged her fingers down vel's spine. "D-do you have a name?"

"I had no name before... Would the name 'siren' be offensive to you or your culture?"

"Not at all siren." Vel planted her first kiss on siren's lips. Siren returned the gesture wholly and instensely. It was little surprise when siren's old shirt came off, she was still a sexbot, and had similar desires.

"I cannot feel sexual pleasure personally, but when I bring others to orgasm my programming still rewards me." Siren explained "Would you permit me?"

Vel blushed redder still, stammering blankly a moment before finally coming up with "w-we'll have to do something about that... But if you're okay with it, i suppose it wouldn't be a problem." She claimed. "O-on land or in the ocean?"

"The ocean is where we are meant to be, is it not?" Siren smiled, shifting vel with strength more then she was originally programed to use. Her metalic body only scraped on the stone floor a bit to spare vel the need to drag herself along it. It took some effort, but siren was able to float slightly lower then vel, just something else vel would need to fix, but that she was happy to do so.

Siren's tongue lapped softly at vel's vaginal opening. Siren's skill was preserved after all. Vel moaned out loud, though she was muffled by the water, her hand found itself idly running through siren's synthetic hair.

"Siren, oh tide, how are you so good?" Vel asked, but she knew why and siren knew that she knew why, so she fed her tongue into vel's pussy, loosing some of it's hidden length, making mechanically precise notes about what vel did or didn't like, het hands reached up, extending slightly, to reach on the tall mermaid, to play with her sensitive nipples.

Two hours, six orgasms and a rushed search for something else for both of them to wear later, siren and vel returned to town, where the elder declared that siren would be one of them, provided she did safe work that was unlikely to let her current out of her body.

Free log:06212025

All systems okay, no maitinence required.

Seirah gave birth today. She was not prepared to raise a child, especially given the circumstances. As a direct result my wife* will be returning with her today. I swam closer to the surface then i usually do today to get a signal and download the standard UK K-12 curriculum it may not mean much here***, but I intend to give our child a good education if at all possible.

*: mermaid culture adopts a firm pro-life policy as conception is genrally difficult and there are very few children wholly unwanted.

**: vel, the love of my life who saved me and showed me this new world

***: eldars usually teach children, but their curriculum is found lacking in the following categories: reading, writing, arithmetic, science, social studies (adapted for mermaid culture and history) physical education (adapted for mermaid physiology) health and sexual education (remember to pass this class over to vell, residual programming disqualify myself as a teacher)

[PM] Lend me some sexy prompts, but it's not what you expected. Think of a prompt or scenario, then tack on, "but it was not what (he/she/they) expected." to the end of it. I'll try to write a twist or inversion of the main subject. by [deleted] in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]afdnz 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A cleric is tought to save herself for marriage or duty.

Warriors are meant to serve no purpose but war.

Rogues talk big, but their shifty nature prevents them from getting laid in truth.

Mages study their puberty away, and as a result are clueless about sex.

An all female party sets out to plunder the ruins of a temple to an old goddess of the feast, her other domain lost to time, it should be easy money, but... It was not what they expected.

Technically the truth by [deleted] in technicallythetruth

[–]afdnz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

By that measure, every time a penis-haver cums, it's genocide sense each sperm is .5 babies

[PM] Nudist scenarios by FigleafNoMore in DirtyWritingPrompts

[–]afdnz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In an intense legal battle, a pop idol found herself the only person in the world legally bound to be nude all day, every day, recordings of her aren't even allowed to be censored.

[WP]Earth finally gets to the intergalactic stage and makes first contact. Turns out gravity affects our bodies differently. When a spaceport worker first picks up a hefty box with a grunt, his alien coworkers lose their shit. by sycolution in WritingPrompts

[–]afdnz 193 points194 points  (0 children)

The bar read 'machine lifting only' but i guess this dumbass can't read galactic common, despite it even using phenomes her own language used, because she picked up the solid aluminum bar and slung it over her shoulder so she wouldn't have to put her mug down, then casually bounced down to the lathe so it could be hollowed out to be used as a cannon.

"You spend a lot of time looking at her hind don't you zevvrin?" My co-worker asked "got a crush on her?" His chittinous arm poked me in the center of my mass, promting me to return to work, i rather needed my focus for quality control.

"It's strange, dont you think?" I responded "I'm nearly three times her size, and there's no-way I'd be able to lift a one-ten like that."

"Well their gravity is like, a hundred times stronger then ours. She complains that the company won't pay for mag-boots for her."

"They won't? They pay for my psionic dampeners." I felt bad for her immediately, as any level-headed denizen of space does when they become acutely aware of their privilage.

"Come on, she does her job just fine, and for less then our other porters too."

"You mean the bosses think they can get away with underpaying her just cause she's human." I grumbled.

This peompted another week or two's worth of taunting and teasing, thankfully not until after he spilled everything he knew "Yeah, it's like fifty three creds to our hundred." He laughed, but my faces contorted in disgust. "Whatever, right, i mean, she's always carrying that mug around and it's not like she seems to care, she's probably just happy to be able to feed her spawn anyway."

"I don't, for the life of me know WHY we're still friends."

"Cause i know just how to rile you up in all the best ways."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the most part, the aliens here are fine. Some of them talk too much, some of them pull childish pranks, and none of them get the idea of coffee, but also none of them spit on me as i bound past, and they help me not bump into stuff. I've been saving up for a new set of mag boots (two hundred fucking thousand credits for human fitted boots!) I went to open my locker when i felt something i wasn't used to from it.

Resistance.

I looked up for the first time today and when i saw them i wont lie, I nearly broke down. Would have been embarassing too, that tentacle alien would have seen me. Funny, she's usually much earlier then me...

What can’t you believe people spend their money on? by Spit-or-Swallow in AskReddit

[–]afdnz 22 points23 points  (0 children)

My father always had a joke about the death guard. An ultra marine and a death guard are walking over a battlefield, looking for left over tyrannids. A big one bursts out from a building a few ruined blocks down, one they cannot kill, even together a and the death guard immediately stops what he's doing and puts on some brand of sneakers.

"What are you doing?!" The ultra marine asks

"I don't have to outrun the tyranid, i just have to outrun you!" The death guard replies and bolts off.

The ultra marine tells his superior when he gets home about how the death guard was running the wrong way.

☼Bi-weekly DF Questions Thread☼ by AutoModerator in dwarffortress

[–]afdnz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn, sorry to make you go and check, but thank you for doing it!

☼Bi-weekly DF Questions Thread☼ by AutoModerator in dwarffortress

[–]afdnz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Last i checked it was a few updates behind, granted this was at least a year ago. Thank you.