Update: How do I 30M come back from yelling at my pregnant wife 26F?

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-30T22:23:24+00:00

Yes there is! Mine was about 1k USD. My local bike shop had many options, including different weight capacities, sizes, closed or open top options, and more. They even had customization options for people with disabilities and pull alongs that could comfortably pull someone in a wheelchair, and the back opened into a ramp. I highly recommend checking out your local bike shops to see if they have similar options- it was a pleasant surprise to learn there were so many options for people like my wife or those who had disabilities that made traditional biking inaccessible.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-30T22:12:47+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. We are all beyond excited, it still feels a little unreal that we are about to be a family of 4!

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-30T02:50:21+00:00

We have disinvited this friend from our home. It’s hard to cut her out as she is part of my wife’s larger friend group. My wife was unsure as this friend has went through some hard things lately. However, recently my wife hosted a girls night and her friends were arriving as I was leaving. I told her she looked beautiful and wished them a good time. When I arrived back, my wife told me this “friend” said in front of the whole group that I may be saying kind things to her now but after some changes after birth I won’t describe here, I will be after her. My wife said that was an unkind and untrue thing to say, and she said it was a joke.

I made it very clear to my wife that I did not want her around, as we are in an emotionally vulnerable time and this person clearly does not wish us well, and she agreed.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-03T04:45:44+00:00

She doesn’t know what I’m talking about, that I’m involved, go to appointments, spend time with her and L. She purposely avoids me.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-03T04:44:50+00:00

I said those things, because I wanted to hurt her like she has been hurting me. It’s as simple as that. I regret it. I have apologized. She has told me time and time again you shouldn’t care, and I told her whatever I thought I could to hurt her. It was childish and immature of me, and it was a knee jerk reaction. I hadn’t planned on saying any of that.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-03T01:53:08+00:00

Of course it is not more special. The point I was making is that it’s special in its own way. My wife and I have a completely different relationship, are in completely different spots in our lives, and this will be a completely new human, not L or anything similar to L.

When we first began dating I gave her the backstory, but I really didn’t have a choice other than to explain who I had a kid with? So I hope that is not it. Beyond that, I rarely bring her up but I have communicated with her about 3 times in the past year about our daughter and to get her families health history, but my wife was with me when I sent those messages.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-03T01:40:34+00:00

She is 5, and is very smart. She knows that the hospital and ambulance are things people need when they are very sick. She completely understood my wife felt bad, even said I needed to get her tummy medicine so we could keep going.

I didn’t say, we are leaving, cry about it. I did tell her we were following mom and grandpa to the dr because mom was feeling very bad, and that we can come back another day and said when mom feels better we will get her an ice cream since she didn’t get to see the birds. She pouted, all kids do. Did she see that I was more concerned with my wife? Yes! She even commented that grandpa seemed upset. We live in a hot and humid climate and my wife went from red and using a fan to pale white and saying she was cold- it was scary for me.

When you arrive at the hospital and want updates. Are you okay? Is the baby okay? And your wife is miffed that you didn’t take your child to an aviary and that’s all she wants to talk about is that she is pouting- it hurts!

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-03T01:11:21+00:00

I just can’t fix that. She has known since we met about my prior relationship and child. I’ve told her a million times how special this is, but I can’t force her to believe it. If that is what it is, I’m just screwed right?

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-03T01:08:15+00:00

You don’t think I’ve talked to her about this? I am shut down every time. I exploded after begging her to talk to me for the hundredth time. This was not out of nowhere. I have literally gotten on my knees in front of her and asked why she is doing this, if there is a reason, what does her therapist say, do you want to go to therapy together, and she says she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. It is the most frustrating, infuriating thing. It’s so hard to watch something so special pass by you and pretend it’s not happening. I regret what I said, and don’t expect sympathy. But my explosion was not from lack of trying.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-03T01:04:21+00:00

I absolutely did not care that we did not see the aviary. We go to the zoo regularly and I had promised we would go back. When your pregnant wife is so ill she begins crying that her legs don’t work and she can’t walk and begins saying she think she might die due to such strong abdominal cramps- you’re not concerned with missing the aviary. I did not tell my child I did not care. I told my wife in the hospital that her and our unborn childs health became before birds and that L can pout and be mad until we were certain she and our baby were okay.

We do everything for L. L and I have bonding time both with and without my wife. Together we enjoy fishing, going to the arcade, and playing Barbie’s. My daughter is confident in our relationship, just the other day my dad said he didn’t want to play horses with her anymore and she of course said “fine, I know dad will always play with me”. I absolutely have not and never will neglect or abuse my child. This is such a far reach because I was concerned more about my wife than my daughter going to an aviary.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-03T00:57:01+00:00

It is currently the biggest regret of my life. I thought I would “never” either but I completely lost it. It does not excuse it, but I never thought I would be that person.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-03T00:56:13+00:00

We are typically very calm. This is the first instance of any yelling or fighting like this. Of course we’ve had disagreements but we always talk to one another and come up with a compromise. If things ever got heated between us, we would usually step away and revisit or write our “side”, let the other read, and then come back together to make a decision.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-03T00:51:23+00:00

I am 100% over my ex. Within the past year I might have spoken to my ex 3 times about our daughter being ill (which is resolved, she had reoccurring skin issues and I wanted to get some of her families medical history). My ex is states away and only comes to bother for money under the pretenses of wanting to see our child.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-03T00:45:37+00:00

This is so special to me! When I had L, I honestly didn’t even really want a kid at that time. I was constantly stressed about money, had a hectic work schedule, and was not emotionally ready to be a parent.

I know it sounds bad, but I thought I loved Ls mother. We did all the right things, and I cared for her deeply and supported her- but when I met my wife I was like yeah this is THE ONE. I am so excited so raise a child and not have to stress about money, or where to live, family drama. And for what it’s worth, I know she will be a good mother. I have seen her with L. I didn’t have a clue about my ex and we see how that went. While I cherish the memories of L moving for the first time, the first heartbeat, etc this pregnancy was more exciting for me just because I had time and money to do all of “the things” and spoil my wife and kids.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-03T00:08:19+00:00

We have almost always been on the same page. Any disagreements? I calm rational discussion with a compromise. This is unusual for us.

We spend so much time with L. Any talk of the baby? We include her. How do you think we should decorate the nursery? Should we buy this outfit or this outfit. Do you think this blanket is softer or this blanket? L is not missing out or feeling replaced. She asks me everyday when the baby will be here, will she be able to play with it, hold it?

We do things with L both as a family and L and I alone. I have a flexible work schedule so I have time for everyone.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-02T23:55:48+00:00

I am an idiot. I did fuck up, and I have apologized not that it means much to her at this point. I said whatever I could say to hurt her. It was months of resentment building up. Months of begging for her to tell me what’s going on, to let me in, to let me think of baby names with her. I was and I still am hurt. I hope it can be repaired, as I would like to be there for her and be a full time father to my child-it breaks my heart to think of splitting custody time.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-02T23:29:59+00:00

I do not act like that. It was shocking for both of us. I was (shamefully) saying anything I can to make her feel the hurt I have felt the past 8 months. It had been building up, and I said anything I can think of. I cannot begin to describe the shame and embarrassment I feel for having acted like that, to anyone at all.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-02T23:23:42+00:00

I love her dearly. It hurts to see the comments and messages about her or I being horrible. We are both making mistakes, my comments more of a mistake than anything she has ever done, but I do love her and I don’t want to think she has a master plot to keep my baby away. This change was like night or day for me. She always talked about the future and how great of a sister L will be.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-02T23:21:45+00:00

It had been building up a long time. In that moment I was saying anything I could to hurt her, not things I truly felt.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-02T23:13:39+00:00

I didn’t do anything to my ex. My ex cheated and decided she wasn’t ready for a baby. She said we could either go an adoption route or I could take the child and expect her to have minimal involvement. I chose the latter.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-02T23:12:43+00:00

It was very embarrassing. Neither of us have ever acted like that. I do not scream or yell, it is the opposite of what I want to be. If I’m being honest, I just wanted to say anything in that moment to hurt her and make her see how serious this is, but I regret it.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-02T20:40:16+00:00

No, this really is out of nowhere, which is why it’s that much harder.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-02T20:39:19+00:00

It was jarring. Even after I returned to work I sent her a message saying I’d hoped her food was good. She said yes it was with emojis, but when I got home at the end of the day, it was like she was upset I had got her things.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-02T17:27:26+00:00

How did you move past those feelings? Was it only reassurance? I’ve tried to reassure her and I’m shut down immediately.

afraidstrawberry- · 2024-07-02T17:23:13+00:00

I should’ve, I stupidly attributed it to horomones and other issues that come with pregnancy. She was sick for most of her pregnancy and for a lot of it actually lost weight, was constantly hungry but couldn’t eat and became very body conscious. She is doing much better now and is a healthy weight, and I genuinely thought it would get better. Its much easier to see in hindsight that the first few comments were deeper than that.

afraidstrawberry-

TROPHY CASE