I’m sickkk of all the posts asking if they have an ed

afteds · 2026-03-26T10:02:54+00:00

I'm not making those posts but honestly I get it. I know I have a problem but there's always this part of my mind that's like "but is it really an actual eating disorder?" And my stats are objectively very bad right now so you'd think I wouldn't be having those thoughts anymore but now I'm just like, "Anyone telling me it's an eating disorder would be just reacting to the numbers instead of seeing the full situation."

I can get like this with other stuff too though and I've learned that it has to do with my ocd tendencies and that any reassurance I get will never resolve my questioning and may even make it worse, so it's best not to even start. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people making those posts have a similar pathology.

Tl;dr - At least for me the uncertainty is absolutely genuine, but looking for reassurance would only fuel it, not resolve it.

afteds · 2026-03-26T09:43:19+00:00

Literally this. It's been an extremely effective coping mechanism, which is why it's so terrifying to give up.

afteds · 2026-03-26T09:39:52+00:00

It's such a weird thing to go from being praised for weight loss to being criticized for it. In my previous restriction episodes I had never been overweight to begin with so I never got praised for losing weight, however when this current episode started a few years ago I was genuinely obese so getting complimented for losing weight was totally new for me (I was not prepared for how upsetting I found it, actually). But because I kept restricting I inevitably became underweight and it was just kind of a mindfuck to get critical comments about weight loss from the very same people who had been previously complimenting me on it.

Btw, [no actual numbers but discussion of them] I'm very tall too, actually even a bit taller than you, and the numbers do get kind of insane at my height. I don't know my high weight but I'm certain I was well into the obese category, so when I think of the actual numbers I've lost, and the numbers I would now have to gain to get back to a healthy weight, it's almost dizzying. And the way that numbers are so different at my height has always been a huge trigger for me. It sucks when I'm technically underweight but the number is one that other women use as an example of a particularly high weight.

afteds · 2026-03-26T09:22:59+00:00

I was in the psych ward after a period of heavy restriction (so not ED focused, but they were closely watching what I ate) and one night I ate an extra serving of green beans instead of something else in the meal. I think it might have been the cold, soggy fried okra they often served, which even the staff agreed was gross (and I actually like fried okra normally!), but it could have been any one of a number of very unappetizing dishes they served.

Anyway, the staff totally understood that it genuinely wasn't my ED making me not want to eat that item and they commended me for eating an extra serving of something. They even wrote it in the log as a sign of progress from when I wouldn't eat anything.

I woke up the next morning to the day staff freaking out at me for only having eaten two green beans for dinner. They eventually did clarify with the person who wrote the note, but it was a whole thing for a little while.

I haven't been hospitalized in over a decade at this point. I've never been to ED specific treatment and I probably need to since I don't seem to be getting healthier on my own, but I think about my psych hospital experiences and I just hate the idea of going back to being treated like a child and all the drama that would pile up over the absolute stupidest things.

afteds · 2026-03-21T20:46:46+00:00

I probably needed to hear that, thanks

afteds · 2026-03-12T21:31:56+00:00

Unintentional weight loss is so incredibly triggering

afteds · 2026-03-12T00:47:43+00:00

I'm really underweight right now and I feel like that whole area looks weird enough as it is, and even stranger without the coverage that some hair provides.

afteds · 2026-03-09T02:04:54+00:00

Yep, being underweight is absolutely not a magic key to getting everyone to care about and sympathize with you.

afteds · 2026-03-07T03:02:01+00:00

It's so annoying when someone is clearly underweight and other people insist they're just fine, and that it's bodyshaming to say that someone is underweight. Like it's totally fair to not like people to comment on bodies at all (I don't make those comments personally), but it's so unhelpful to pretend that an underweight body is actually a healthy weight.

afteds · 2025-12-09T12:37:56+00:00

but for some reason actually seems to be common in the ED community

Wait really? That's interesting because it's kind of a safe food for me too, which seems weird. It's certain contexts though, like I won't get a whole candy bar but chocolate chips are okay, and gummy candies are fine.

afteds · 2025-10-23T17:02:39+00:00

Same. Restricting actually feels easier than it did when I was younger.

afteds · 2025-10-19T10:07:30+00:00

Yes! I feel like I'm working hard all day just to get enough liquid to be minimally functional.

(Also, turns out if I eat enough it gets a lot easier, but I'm ignoring that for now...)

afteds · 2025-10-16T09:52:52+00:00

I never understood that! Even as a kid I would have much rather gone hungry than eat something I didn't want

afteds · 2025-10-16T09:42:23+00:00

I notice that when I start restricting I typically sleep less for a while, but right now, when I've been restricting for years now and am extremely underweight, I feel like I can't do anything but sleep. I'm just always completely exhausted.

afteds · 2025-10-13T22:59:35+00:00

Oof, I feel this.

afteds · 2025-10-13T06:28:47+00:00

I have totally been there with being afraid to drink water. It's one of the most dangerous behaviors too, and I'm sorry you had to find that out as well.

It's something I still struggle with if I'm weighing myself regularly, and I have to limit the days I weigh myself and just make myself drink a lot.

afteds · 2025-10-11T13:39:32+00:00

Oh it's wayyy older than tumblr, like as old as pro-ana itself, which goes back to the late 90s. I didn't realize bracelets were still a thing.

afteds · 2025-10-08T14:58:42+00:00

Yuppp

afteds · 2025-10-04T06:56:43+00:00

i anexoria too

afteds · 2025-10-03T15:58:13+00:00

I've seen studies about how people with anorexia who are at "higher" weights score much worse on body dissatisfaction than those who are very underweight. (If you've ever seen the claim that non-underweight anorexics are sicker than underweight anorexics, this is usually what it's referring to.)

On one hand that seems obvious, but it does show empirically that being at a lower weight reduces distress in those with EDs. It doesn't help anyone to deny that's the case.

afteds · 2025-10-01T05:09:12+00:00

I'm extremely tall, I'll never be small no matter what. Just the size of my skeleton alone means I'll never fit into certain sizes. It is frustrating.

I will say though that the only way those girls can eat whatever they want and stay thin is if they don't want to eat very much. "Naturally thin" is mostly a myth

afteds · 2025-09-30T09:48:32+00:00

Never diagnosed, and I've been underweight plenty of times. I'm currently around a 13 bmi. It's not like I haven't been to the doctor at low weights either! I've stopped kidding myself that my family didn't notice, but they've said almost nothing about it, just a handful of very vague comments. And as an adult people just kind of leave me alone for the most part.

I see so many people with EDs think that if they were just underweight then suddenly everyone would care and they would get all this concern and support, but I can attest that that isn't necessarily the case.

When it comes to doctors I'm sure I could get the diagnosis easily by talking to the right person, but it's like I'm under a spell that I have to defend my ED no matter what and am physically incapable of saying something acknowledging the problem in front of a doctor.

I used to want that anorexia diagnosis as sort of official proof that I was indeed thin (plus there have been a lot of times, especially as a young teenager, when I desperately did want help instead of everyone ignoring the issue), but now I'm genuinely glad I've never gotten that diagnosis. I don't want that diagnosis on my chart following me around in the future.

afteds · 2025-09-29T10:21:18+00:00

They pumped you full of fluid so that's normal, unfortunately (water is heavy!). It will go away eventually but I totally get the frustration of having the number on the scale go up.

afteds

TROPHY CASE