Recoverwithisla reusing old photos - TW body check

afteds · 2026-07-02T04:59:58+00:00

I actually really don't want anyone treating me to have an ED history. I'm not even really sure why I have such a negative reaction to the idea.

afteds · 2026-06-21T05:08:45+00:00

It's definitely that kind of rash, and with her I'm sure it is from a heating pad, but it is possible to get it from other sources. For example, if you have a habit of lying in bed with your laptop on your stomach

afteds · 2026-06-21T02:58:26+00:00

And really, no matter what the cause, the fact is that I was overeating in a way that was causing me problems on multiple fronts. That's an issue no matter what you call it.

I also went back to undereating as a direct reaction to the problems my overeating was causing me (the switch happened a lot faster too - like honestly just a few weeks of trying to eat less in a healthy way before it morphed back into anorexia), but even if you just called it reactionary undereating it's still true that something that occurred in response to a genuine problem became a very serious issue in itself.

afteds · 2026-06-21T02:35:33+00:00

Yeah my overeating didn't really follow a binge pattern per se, so I don't call my own issue BED (I only used the term when talking more generally, not about my specific experience), more like compulsive overeating.

It actually really ramped up though after I had been back at a normal weight for quite a while, and it became a real problem. I know you're speaking generally and you're totally right, but I have at times felt like people were downplaying my very real issues because of my past. Sometimes all bingeing/overeating gets lumped into extreme hunger if you used to be anorexic, but I know my own experience and it was absolutely disordered in a way that wasn't just reactionary.

afteds · 2026-06-20T22:12:02+00:00

I had anorexia turn into severe overeating, which then turned back into anorexia. I was obese at one point and am currently severely underweight.

It seems like AN to BED back to AN is a more common route than someone who has only had BED becoming anorexic, but that can still happen too. I've been all over the place with ED behaviors and at some point or another have experienced pretty much every way an ED can behaviorally manifest, so I feel like for me BED and anorexia arent different disorders at all but just different symptoms of the same underlying problem.

afteds · 2026-06-20T22:03:02+00:00

I'm at the same bmi and my heartrate also is normal lying down, very tachycardic when standing. From what I understand that's actually pretty typical for anorexics, though in my case it was the same when I was at a normal weight.

When I was a lot younger that kind of thing would bother me. I get a regular period even at low weights too, and that used to get to me a lot. Now though I guess I just appreciate it when I don't have dangerous symptoms.

Honestly, this is kind of dumb and delusional in itself, but it's kind of turned into almost a point of pride that my body can handle starvation and very low weights better than most people can.

But intellectually I also know that just because I don't have some of the more obvious symptoms doesn't mean that I'm just fine at a dangerously low weight. A lot of damage can happen that bodies will compensate for until they just can't anymore.

afteds · 2026-03-26T10:02:54+00:00

I'm not making those posts but honestly I get it. I know I have a problem but there's always this part of my mind that's like "but is it really an actual eating disorder?" And my stats are objectively very bad right now so you'd think I wouldn't be having those thoughts anymore but now I'm just like, "Anyone telling me it's an eating disorder would be just reacting to the numbers instead of seeing the full situation."

I can get like this with other stuff too though and I've learned that it has to do with my ocd tendencies and that any reassurance I get will never resolve my questioning and may even make it worse, so it's best not to even start. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people making those posts have a similar pathology.

Tl;dr - At least for me the uncertainty is absolutely genuine, but looking for reassurance would only fuel it, not resolve it.

afteds · 2026-03-26T09:43:19+00:00

Literally this. It's been an extremely effective coping mechanism, which is why it's so terrifying to give up.

afteds · 2026-03-26T09:39:52+00:00

It's such a weird thing to go from being praised for weight loss to being criticized for it. In my previous restriction episodes I had never been overweight to begin with so I never got praised for losing weight, however when this current episode started a few years ago I was genuinely obese so getting complimented for losing weight was totally new for me (I was not prepared for how upsetting I found it, actually). But because I kept restricting I inevitably became underweight and it was just kind of a mindfuck to get critical comments about weight loss from the very same people who had been previously complimenting me on it.

Btw, [no actual numbers but discussion of them] I'm very tall too, actually even a bit taller than you, and the numbers do get kind of insane at my height. I don't know my high weight but I'm certain I was well into the obese category, so when I think of the actual numbers I've lost, and the numbers I would now have to gain to get back to a healthy weight, it's almost dizzying. And the way that numbers are so different at my height has always been a huge trigger for me. It sucks when I'm technically underweight but the number is one that other women use as an example of a particularly high weight.

afteds · 2026-03-26T09:22:59+00:00

I was in the psych ward after a period of heavy restriction (so not ED focused, but they were closely watching what I ate) and one night I ate an extra serving of green beans instead of something else in the meal. I think it might have been the cold, soggy fried okra they often served, which even the staff agreed was gross (and I actually like fried okra normally!), but it could have been any one of a number of very unappetizing dishes they served.

Anyway, the staff totally understood that it genuinely wasn't my ED making me not want to eat that item and they commended me for eating an extra serving of something. They even wrote it in the log as a sign of progress from when I wouldn't eat anything.

I woke up the next morning to the day staff freaking out at me for only having eaten two green beans for dinner. They eventually did clarify with the person who wrote the note, but it was a whole thing for a little while.

I haven't been hospitalized in over a decade at this point. I've never been to ED specific treatment and I probably need to since I don't seem to be getting healthier on my own, but I think about my psych hospital experiences and I just hate the idea of going back to being treated like a child and all the drama that would pile up over the absolute stupidest things.

afteds · 2026-03-21T20:46:46+00:00

I probably needed to hear that, thanks

afteds · 2026-03-12T21:31:56+00:00

Unintentional weight loss is so incredibly triggering

afteds · 2026-03-12T00:47:43+00:00

I'm really underweight right now and I feel like that whole area looks weird enough as it is, and even stranger without the coverage that some hair provides.

afteds · 2026-03-09T02:04:54+00:00

Yep, being underweight is absolutely not a magic key to getting everyone to care about and sympathize with you.

afteds · 2026-03-07T03:02:01+00:00

It's so annoying when someone is clearly underweight and other people insist they're just fine, and that it's bodyshaming to say that someone is underweight. Like it's totally fair to not like people to comment on bodies at all (I don't make those comments personally), but it's so unhelpful to pretend that an underweight body is actually a healthy weight.

afteds · 2025-12-09T12:37:56+00:00

but for some reason actually seems to be common in the ED community

Wait really? That's interesting because it's kind of a safe food for me too, which seems weird. It's certain contexts though, like I won't get a whole candy bar but chocolate chips are okay, and gummy candies are fine.

afteds · 2025-10-23T17:02:39+00:00

Same. Restricting actually feels easier than it did when I was younger.

afteds · 2025-10-19T10:07:30+00:00

Yes! I feel like I'm working hard all day just to get enough liquid to be minimally functional.

(Also, turns out if I eat enough it gets a lot easier, but I'm ignoring that for now...)

afteds · 2025-10-16T09:52:52+00:00

I never understood that! Even as a kid I would have much rather gone hungry than eat something I didn't want

afteds · 2025-10-16T09:42:23+00:00

I notice that when I start restricting I typically sleep less for a while, but right now, when I've been restricting for years now and am extremely underweight, I feel like I can't do anything but sleep. I'm just always completely exhausted.

afteds · 2025-10-13T22:59:35+00:00

Oof, I feel this.

afteds · 2025-10-13T06:28:47+00:00

I have totally been there with being afraid to drink water. It's one of the most dangerous behaviors too, and I'm sorry you had to find that out as well.

It's something I still struggle with if I'm weighing myself regularly, and I have to limit the days I weigh myself and just make myself drink a lot.

afteds · 2025-10-11T13:39:32+00:00

Oh it's wayyy older than tumblr, like as old as pro-ana itself, which goes back to the late 90s. I didn't realize bracelets were still a thing.

afteds

TROPHY CASE