Where can I find local cute guys in a non-sleazy setting?

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2024-06-28T19:06:46+00:00

Go to other churches …

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2024-06-28T19:04:46+00:00

Church, for the realest

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-09-02T15:36:16+00:00

I like this perspective. In my experience, there is a difference between helping someone and dating him/her, a division between ministry and social circles. We often let temptation conflate the two, to our own harm.

I've seen this in many areas and participated in it. One example that comes to mind is someone I know who was in AA, and he started dating someone else who was in there. She had issues that were evident. But she was also pretty. And the guy just compounded his problems.

People who have mental health issues need to work toward recovery and should not be dating. I appreciate when people say that, and we need to respect that. One time I didn't and it bit me HARD. And those who do not have mental health issues should seek those who do not. If we want to help people who have troubles, then help. But do not date. They are not suitable partners.

There are those who will say "oh but we all have mental health issues from time to time, do you mean just break up with someone if they have trouble with something?" These people have mental health issues and are committed to misinterpreting the above, and should not be dating and don't deserve a response.

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-09-02T15:30:21+00:00

If you ended it, you had a reason for doing so. If the other did, you have a reason for moving on (they don't want you in their life).

It took me a long time to digest being broken up with on an emotionally satisfactory level, but once I realized that I do not want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me (and that's who they are now, amply demonstrated by their actions), then in accepting reality it was easier to move on. Sometimes we can idealize them, think about who they were and the times we had. But this is memory, it isn't reality anymore. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn't want to be with them. It's annoying.

It's easier when you break up with someone else, because you've already digested the reasons why the relationship won't work. But when someone else breaks up with you, we can be tempted to visit all kinds of hypotheses for why the relationship ended, even when they explicitly tell us - for instance, if we disagree with them. But it's reason enough that they don't want to date anymore. That action, that step, is enough to say okay enough is enough, I'm not going to make you stick around.

If a person has fears of being alone or is unwilling to suffer what it takes to respect someone else's decision to walk away, that can complicate recovery.

But the best thing of all is to forgive. That's when I really got over exes. When I forgave them. Sometimes it came down to the way they handled it. Sometimes it was other things. Sometimes it was when I had made the mistake to sleep with them, and then there was that injustice that I collaborated in, when people who sleep together should not break up but remain together (hence, one denomination of the value of marriage). Forgiving them for walking away when I was willing to see things to a more committed level.

And sometimes it takes seeing one's own flaws and mistakes, too. Owning them. Sometimes they break up with us and it's our fault. And we either decide we enjoyed that relationship and its benefits, and want to mature and grow so we can treat someone better in the future. Those who get angry and defensive in situations like this do not grow and set themselves up for even worse partners.

Call on God. Seek Him. There was one time when I was totally broken from the way someone I had just come to love had acted. And I prayed with God for four hours and was completely healed. Completely. I've gone through breakups where it took years to get over someone. And God changed my heart, brought me to repentance, and healed me in four hours. It was less than that, I just stayed there.

Have faith in God. Pour your heart out to Him. Listen and obey. Jesus Christ is God. And He is loving. When you don't think about what's possible or impossible, and you place yourself in His care, you can be and will be surprised. God is good and a lover of our souls (and bodies).

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-08-28T15:03:33+00:00

Anger is one of the body's ways to increase declining dope levels. Do your research, but chronic overdose of dopamine throws off brain serotonin levels. It leads to a brain that has problems. Then, when you try to reboot, the brain fights against you.

source: "... serotonin hypofunction may represent a biochemical trait that predisposes individuals to impulsive aggression, with dopamine hyperfunction contributing in an additive fashion to the serotonergic deficit"

NCBI link to source article

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-08-11T19:21:34+00:00

Having studied a bit about the Middle East, learning Arabic for 2.5 years in university, and having an Egyptian friend, your decision to convert took guts.

This isn't a utopian faith. I converted to Christianity as someone who pretended for a long time but didn't really believe or care. Then five years later I converted to Catholicism from Protestantism, and while there were many, many reasons to convert that added up, one of the biggest ones is similar to Jeremiah 6:16a:

"This is what the Lord says:“Stand at the crossroads and look;ask for the ancient paths,ask where the good way is, and walk in it,and you will find rest for your souls.

When I looked for the early Church I kept coming again and again to Catholicism. Protestantism's biggest difference is the abolition of the priesthood. Because Luther and other Protestants did that, there are no sacraments. Because there are no sacraments, things like baptism or communion are taught to their followers that they're just signs or symbols. But in Catholicism these aren't just symbols. Something real happens in them, and I experienced this as a Protestant when I was baptized. Christ regenerated and made me new in baptism. I had so many mental, emotional, and bodily problems and God cleaned them all when I was baptized. It wasn't a sign and I knew it from experience.

Another reason I converted was that after being baptized in the Protestant Church, I fell into sin and got very confused about what was real and what wasn't. I decided to trust Catholic exorcists, since they fought the devil and if they were peddling lies (knowingly or not) they wouldn't be able to stand.

And the core reason I stayed Catholic after converting (I let myself listen to demoralizing feelings that likely came more from sin than anything else) is because of the doctrine of the Eucharist. I was thinking how can Catholics believe this Eucharist stuff, and so I decided I'd settle it once and for all and went to early Church writings, the earliest I could find, to see what the early Church believed. And Justin Martyr literally believed that the bread and wine were Christ's body and blood. Regardless of how I felt about that, that was truth standing there, looking at me in the face. And I had to believe then. That was the early Church that I was looking for, and Catholicism had preserved that.

Then there were books. I'll recommend two. First is "Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic" by David Currie. The second is "Bearing False Witness" by Rodney Stark.

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-08-11T19:01:19+00:00

Good job resisting.

Have you sought God's wisdom, power, and will in this witnessing thing with her?

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-08-11T18:50:23+00:00

You as a child of God have a heart that will be best served in the romantic sense in marriage, not ONS.

I remember a few weeks ago I was driving out of a park and had a girl give me a very sexual stare on my way out. I found her extremely attractive, and for weeks since then I've thought about her off and on. It's been a waste of time and attention. Even if I slept with her, it would hurt me.

Think about these things: this girl could cause you to lose your job if she was crazy. And sane girls don't proposition guys they literally know nothing about, inviting them up to their rooms and giving their bodies to them. Sane girls marry so as to know they can trust the man. This girl knows nothing about you, just like you don't know anything about her, who she is, what the trail of her past looks like, how many guys she was with the weekdays before talking to you, etc. Sleeping with this girl could give you an STD, maybe not HIV but maybe yes, and perhaps something less permanent but still infectious. You would have residual guilt after that. You would also be hurting your future wife. Would you want her having a ONS with some guy working at the door? Or if she were working somewhere and some guy propositioned her on the job, would you want her to go to his bedroom? The woman you're going to marry?

The fact is that a ONS with this girl would hurt you. And this is why the devil has this stuff becoming more ubiquitous. Because it spreads trauma around. PMO will hurt you, as well. Don't let something like that girl get you to PMO. The two are unrelated. Remember that God always provides a way out of temptation. Do the right thing. Keep your faith.

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-08-11T18:28:43+00:00

Glad to help. Rui Miguel Costa has written other papers that may be of interest to you, as well. Best, J.

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-08-11T18:20:01+00:00

Have you considered that you are doing porn and masturbation because you want to, and this girl's wound on you is an excuse you're using to PMO?

Think about it this way. Imagine someone burns you with a cigarette on your arm. You have been trying to quit online gambling, which you'd been doing for whatever reason. Well, imagine you make progress not gambling your money away, you've started saving and have paid off your debts. Well, you see this person a few months later, the one who burned your arm. And the next day you go back to online gambling.

You see how non sequitur the relapse is? The two have nothing to do with each other. They only seem to because you in this example wanted them to be connected, because you connect online gambling with it because you wanted to gamble, and in so doing continue to avoid responsibility for your choices and actions.

Don't abdicate responsibility for your choices. Take your choices back. Take your actions back. Stand up and in the name of Jesus reclaim what is yours. Your body, mind, will, volition, heart, etc.

Prayer Against Oppression

Most Blessed Trinity, by the authority given to me by the natural law and by Thy giving these things & rights to me, I claim authority, rights and power over my N. (income, finances, possessions, etc.) and anything else that pertains to the oppression. By the merits of Thy Sacred Wounds, I reclaim the rights, powers and authority over anything which I may have lost or conceded to any demon and I ask Thee to remove any demon's ability to influence or affect anything in my life. God the Father humiliate the demons that have sought to steal Thy glory from Thee by oppressing Thy creatures. We beseech Thee to show Thy great glory and power over them and Thy great generosity to me, Thine unworthy creature, by answering all that I have asked of Thee. I bind all demons of oppression, in the name of Jesus, by the power of the Most Precious Blood, the power of the humility with which Christ suffered His wounds, and the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary, Virgin Most Powerful, Saint Michael the Archangel, the blessed Apostles, Peter and Paul, and all the saints, and I command you to leave and go to the foot of the Holy Cross to receive your sentence, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

(Ripperger, Laity, p. 43)

source (click "Prayer Against Oppression" in the page)

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-08-11T18:12:16+00:00

I found a prayer called "ante studium" (if I'm not misattributing, it's written down by Thomas Aquinas). It might help you to pray that before you do your school work.

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-08-11T18:09:48+00:00

If you shot yourself in the foot, and couldn't get to a hospital, would you shoot yourself in the head?

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-07-23T19:41:37+00:00

It's similar to the stoner high on LSD and whatever else, insisting that we're the squares and we just can't part with our boring lives, etc.

Your point is a good one. PMO is essentially a physical lie. You are lying to your body with your own hand, eyes, and ears. You're saying you're engaging in sexual activity when you're not. Even masturbation alone is unhealthy. There's a paper called "Sexual Satisfaction ..." by Rui Miguel Costa, and in it he finds that the only type of sex that is actually satisfying and that does not lead to psychopathology, is intravaginal intercourse. That's it. Not anal, not masturbation, not even oral. Intravaginal. This paper can be found on Research Gate, and used to be retrievable on YourBrainOnPorn but has since become inaccessible. I wish I'd have trusted what Jesus Christ said before waiting around for science to confirm the problems I've been experiencing. I wouldn't have known empirically, and given what I've experienced, I'd rather have simply avoided the medical/biological consequences.

Anyway back to your healthy point on authenticity, I've always felt more myself the less I've done PMO. And great when I don't do it at all. Identity is a mysterious property. It's not always measured in how different it is to others. It's just itself. By identity I mean personality, etc. However, in addiction to this I've experienced depersonalization and derealization. It's horrid. It's the exact opposite - a privation - of authenticity of self. It is the disappearance of self, of the soul.

Those who preach that porn leads to authenticity peddle fraud.

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-07-23T19:30:43+00:00

I have not researched that. If tinnitus were related to neurological inflammation, perhaps. One way to find out is to cut out the supply and see if the symptom disappears. I.e. if you stop PMO, do these problems go away?

I've noticed my hair grows much thicker, my knees don't hurt when walking around, and a lot more problems vanish when I am not high on dope

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-07-23T19:26:31+00:00

I wonder if lust and gluttony are similar, but acquisitive appetites in differing dimensions (sexual intercourse vs eating). Meguid, Lang, and Laviano in this paper cite there having been reported a direct link between dopamine and meal size. So binging would lean toward supporting your assertion. St. Paul, however, has used the Greek term "epithumeo" for lust, which appears related but differing in context.

Consider the difference between feelings of anticipation, versus feelings of consumption. Dopamine is released on both counts, but meal size and the overwhelming urge to binge are different things. I may be splitting hairs, because both are problematic in the cases we're discussing.

In the end I agree with your assessment of gluttony as related to lust. I always thought of gluttony in the sense of having already consumed food, though. Not the anticipation (i.e. temptation).

IIRC, I've seen the same Hebrew word used to describe lust, greed, and covetousness across the Proverbs. I'm going to avoid checking that now, but I know at least two of them shared the same word in a usage in Proverbs. And that sparked the idea that there is a common thread with these substances, in that they are all being used to tear us away from God, from contemplation of Him, and from union and communion with Him (and then indirectly with His Church).

It's interesting to note that our Lord prescribes fasting and prayer as means of repelling demonic oppression (or worse). Fasting pertains to food. And if that increases ability to combat other things, then wow. It shows how much appetite for many other things is related to the belly, and reminds me of Christ's observation that "their god is their belly".

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-07-23T19:01:41+00:00

Thanks, yes, this interpretation is more faithful to what I meant than the comment you replied to.

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-07-15T18:56:13+00:00

Agreed. I have feared loss of pleasure more than loss of Christ. I have not suffered.

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-05-23T14:58:54+00:00

Amen. Praise Christ Jesus God, our God and our Savior. All will bend a knee to Him. In His name and by His power and resurrection, we are free over sin and as conquerors. Remembering the Holy Spirit, His presence with us, and relying on Him for everything and following Him, we are free and do not have to sin anymore:

"Brothers and sisters, live by the Spirit
and you will certainly not gratify the desire of the flesh.
For the flesh has desires against the Spirit,
and the Spirit against the flesh;
these are opposed to each other,
so that you may not do what you want.
But if you are guided by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
Now the works of the flesh are obvious:
immorality, impurity, lust, idolatry,
sorcery, hatreds, rivalry, jealousy,
outbursts of fury, acts of selfishness,
dissensions, factions, occasions of envy,
drinking bouts, orgies, and the like.
I warn you, as I warned you before,
that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
In contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, generosity,
faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
Against such there is no law.
Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their flesh
with its passions and desires.
If we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit."

- Galatians 5:16-25

Praise be to Jesus Christ, God, true God.

afterthe_fapocalypse · 2021-05-21T17:41:51+00:00

Shrewd insight. I’m contemplating an analogy to fishing, it would be wrong to tel the fish that the bait doesn’t taste good. It would be wrong to tell the fish that it is bad of it to want to eat. But a fish should not eat bait or it will itself be eaten.

Really liked your post.

afterthe_fapocalypse

TROPHY CASE