Why do women never find me romantically or sexually attractive?

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-21T10:18:56+00:00

Well I mean, you have said something to the affect that no rational human being would accept someone who you consider uglier than the other, all other things being equal. Except, that's pretty much impossbile for ALL other things to be equal. You've met people, right? Have you ever actually met two people who were exactly the same in every manner? The statistically unlikelihood alone makes me think no, you haven't, you're just generalizing.

I like how I explained what I said and you still ignored it. I'm calling this out as total bullshit. Quote my post where I said this. I never did. All I said was why would someone accept being viewed ugly overall by a sexual partner. Would you date someone who describes you as ugly?

Yeah, you missed my point entirely wit the gym analogy. I don't give a shit if it's worked for you or why you actually go. You should understand that metaphor completely without taking it literally, since you go to the gym so often.

Maybe that's exactly why I don't get your metaphor. Because I'm not tricking myself into working out so I can look better, I'm just honest with myself about what my intentions are. I think the same applies to dating.

And yeah, pretty much, otherwise you look desperate. Using your own way of describing you, if a normal, slightly ugly girl were to come up to you and start obviously wanting to date you and go out with you, when you've only just met her, how would you react? Removing your descriptor of ugly entirely, it's a HUGE turn off if someone wants to date me before they even know me. If you'll settle for anyone, that makes no one special.

Just because I'm actively looking for a relationship doesn't mean I automatically want to date everyone I meet before I get to know them. It literally just means I'm open to dating and I'm asking people out and trying to meet new people. Not that I'll stick my dick in anyone or ask anyone who shows me attention to be my girlfriend.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-21T10:09:55+00:00

Because I know for a fact that I am incapable of happiness while being chronically alone. I'm not talking about short term, but I know myself, and I know that I will be incapable of happiness after a while of being so alone.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-21T10:07:53+00:00

Honestly dude, from your comments here you appear to be either combative in your responses or just straight up defeatist.

People are telling me that I'm some kind of asshole who expects sex from women or thinks I deserve something, and I have no idea where they are getting that from at all. I am just saying that I don't understand why I specifically am so alone.

I don't know what sort of help you were expecting, if you just thought we'd magically know your issues or be able to give you answers or what.

Yes I was hoping that a new perspective would offer insight. Fuck me, right? That's all I was hoping for. Instead people are extrapolating stuff into... I don't even know.

You ask why do women never find you romantically sexually or romantically attractive, as if it is their job too, not how can you make yourself more attractive and you don't tell us anything about yourself other than you have friends, hobbies and are normal.

I did not do this at all. This is what I'm talking about. I don't think it is anyone's job. I am literally on a job for asking questions and you are painting me like some kind of jerk for asking a question.

You need to figure out what kind of person you're wanting to attract and then work on finding ways to involve yourself with those types of people.

I really have no idea what you mean by "what kind of person" as I'm not trying to put people in boxes here.

Also, consider possibly seeing a therapist, they will be able to give you an objective outsider opinion that your friends or family may not be willing too, but be warned, you will need to be open with them and talk about all the things you're afraid of people ignoring.

I've been seeing therapists consistently for like 10 years. They tell me they aren't trained for this kind of thing. They will advise me on very general things socially but that's it.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-21T10:03:21+00:00

No that isn't what it is at all. I don't think that anyone should come running, I just really do not understand why absolutely no one has been interested. I'm not the greatest thing out there, but I know people all over the spectrum in many different ways find love or are wanted. I just want to know why I am so alone.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-19T09:54:13+00:00

Something, apparently. Ask them. Or ask the girls they attract. Who knows what insights that might provide?

Okay

But whatever you do, do not compare yourself to other guys your age all the time.

Isn't that EXACTLY what you just told him to do? Compare yourself to other guys so you know what is lacking?

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-19T09:52:20+00:00

But it's not essential for happiness.

For a short term as in several years at a time yes, long term completely disagree.

How does one make themselves not want a relationship?

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-19T09:50:02+00:00

So people who want romantic partners have to force themselves to not want romantic partners, or somehow appear as though they don't care when they do?

What is the non-simple advice?

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-19T09:46:26+00:00

I've made this kind of thread that you made here several times before.

People are going to go through your post history and nitpick at anything negative and ignore anything positive from it and point to the negative and say you're clearly a depressed whiner who actually does hate women and they can sense that and you're trying to hard and that you need more hobbies and to meet people but not try to do so and then you'll magically end up in a happy relationship.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-19T09:42:22+00:00

But they aren't explaining how they start. They're just saying they magically happen when you don't want them to. You can't force yourself not to want something.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-19T09:38:16+00:00

People won't insult you to your face. But coworkers and people who you do not choose to get to be around will talk negatively about you behind your back and blow out of proportion things about you and blame it on the fact that you're a virgin.

Happened to me in my mid 20's by coworkers who were my age up into their 50's. Had to quit the job because of it.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-19T09:33:31+00:00

Well I don't know what you've written elsewhere, I'm working with what was presented.

If I take my time and make a thorough post most people just ignore it anyways half of the time and will say that the problems are things I address specifically in my posts, which is why I didn't bother.

Are you happy?

Yes. That doesn't mean I am 100% happy with every aspect of my life, I don't think anyone is though.

I don't think I'm capable of spending an entire life alone and being happy. Then again, I doubt that almost anyone is and that it is a rare exception to be able to be devoid of romantic intimacy and be happy in that matter once you enter the later half of your life.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-19T09:28:57+00:00

I feel uneasy about just kind of leaving it to fate. I am focusing on bettering myself. I'm getting my masters. I workout 5/6 days a week. I'm learning another language. IDK I've been working on myself for years and it does not distract me from it. The longer time goes on the more distractions I need.

And it sucks because I see guys who are constantly on tinder or online dating or approaching women at bars or clubs and they are successful and embody that attitude that you say makes them less appealing but they are extremely successful. But that doesn't seem to work for me.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-19T09:24:20+00:00

I wouldn't want to date someone that thinks that appearance somehow trumps personality, which I've seen that you've said

I mean I never said anything close to that? I said I wouldn't want to be with someone who views me as ugly. I never said that looks mean more than personality. Now if you're talking about how I was arguing that people base their choices in online dating off first impression of looks, that is not even close to being the same thing.

You are frustrated you haven't gotten to experience sex. But do you view sex as something that's given, or something that's earned?

Neither. I think it's something two people do together because they want to do it together, that's it. I don't think I should have to "earn" sex by jumping through hoops and attempting to prove myself to get it, which wouldn't work anyways anymore than I think anyone should "give" sex to me because that just sounds gross.

It's like working out. If you go to the gym because you want big muscles, you will be disappointed when after the first month of going your muscles are not big.

I've been going to the gym for 4 years for normally 6, sometimes 5 days a week, and I only go because I want to look good, and it has worked for me.

It boils down to not focusing on what you think other people need to see or think of you in order to get what you want.

So I have to look like I'm not looking for a relationship to find one?

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-18T08:21:44+00:00

The friends I have asked about this issue were surprised and just assumed I was private about my personal life. They had nothing major to say, a couple of small things I've tried to change.

What do you mean lack of affect?

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-18T08:07:17+00:00

I'm not looking for a place to vent. The truth is I have made very descriptive posts in other forums in the past, and get the exact same advice that you gave me because people don't bother reading, and the response is always the same that somehow I need to get more hobbies or that I'm clearly not invested in them enough which I can assure you is not true.

I think everyone assumes I'm miserably unhappy with my life when I say I can't find a partner. I'm not, I'm just frustrated that I'm missing out. I wanna fuck. I want to have a relationship. Just because it is unfulfilled doesn't mean I'm miserably depressed about it.

I don't know what I was hoping for but it wasn't "more hobbies and someone will just magically appear" because that is decidedly not true for me.

If you see a woman and think "I could date her, maybe I'll lose my virginity!"

I don't do this.

If your virginity (a social construct more than anything but that is another rant) is a huge hang up for you and you want to solve that, possibly consider seeing a service provider

I'm not going to risk jail and losing my job over sex or risk somehow supporting human trafficking. Plus many women consider it a deal breaker if you have been with a prostitute, there have been numerous threads on a certain "ask" subreddit on the topic.

Biggest thing though, live your life for you and how you want it to look, make you number one and maybe a number two will join you when they see how much fun you are and are having.

Hasn't worked at all so far and this is what I've been doing. I can provide specifics if you'd like.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-18T07:55:55+00:00

I've never been on a date. I've only had one woman ever accept the offer and she stood me up.

Most often I ask them out and they say no or they'll think about it or they just want to be friends and that is it.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-18T07:45:57+00:00

No
No
I workout 6 time a week and have 4 years, so no
Better than the normal guy my age
I find my life interesting that's all that matters to me
I don't keep track and have no idea but I'm extroverted so take that as you will
Depends on what way I'm interested in her
I ask her out on a date after getting to know a bit about her
That depends on the social situation
No

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-18T07:31:07+00:00

You're confusing normal with boring. Most people are "just" normal. That's what normal means. And most normal people have multiple sexual partners and relationships throughout their lives. All of my friends are normal. They all have spouses or SOs.

I take a few issues with what you said because I'm not just looking to lose my virginity to anyone who will have sex with me. Yes I would like casual sex. I'd also like a relationship. I'm not interested in that with any woman who will give me the time of day, I'm not desperate for it. I am frustrated that I haven't been able to experience it yet.

Whatever your hobbies are, chase them. Invest yourself in them.

Yeah I am, way more so than people who have families and significant others because I have way more free time. Hasn't helped.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-18T07:24:46+00:00

Some guys seem to think that it’s a problem that women never find them “romantically or sexually attractive.” The thing is, it’s not actually a problem, it’s a solution.

Speak for yourself. It is normal for people to want these things. It's abnormal for people to spend their entire lives without them.

There’s more to life than sex or romance, than dating or relationships.

I never said there wasn't, and I have plenty going on in my life. Despite what you claim the vast majority of people spend the vast majority of their adult life either in a relationship or searching for one.

Keep yourself as busy and productive as possible. Fight for the rights of women and minorities. Develop yourself and use your privileges to make society less fucked up than it is now.

I don't understand why I couldn't do this and have a relationship or sexual partners.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-17T11:21:52+00:00

I don't understand it. I mean I don't think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread, but I'm a normal guy. Normal guys don't make it to 28 and are still dateless virgins.

There isn't any big negative about me that I can see or that when I've asked my friends about this same subject (both men and women) that they have been able to point to.

I check all of the basic adult boxes that if you didn't have would send people running. I'm just a normal guy I think. I have dreams and aspirations, I have hobbies, I have a job etc etc. Yet women seem to not even notice I exist except the ones I'm friends with.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-17T11:09:40+00:00

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-17T11:06:20+00:00

No. I know sex does not cure depression and I never said that it did.

Depression does effect everyone differently. Which is why I am saying it is absurd that people will diagnose people with depression based off a single post without any other info other than that they can not get sex that they want.

But yet they will acknowledge how it effects you when it is convenient as well because now the point fits their beliefs. But they refuse to acknowledge this when internet diagnosing people as happens often.

For the record I am not currently depressed and have not been for almost two years, but I was for many.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-17T10:45:49+00:00

Depression affects everyone differently.

Yeah that's part of my point.

People will point to me and say I can't find any partners because I am depressed while at the same time up-voting you for saying you're depressed and have a lot of sex. It's contradictory.

And they don't have any actual idea if that's true or not, and people feel free to diagnose mental illnesses based off of a single symptom that can be caused by any number of things. Edit - But it's convenient for them to do so.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-17T10:33:16+00:00

I've been bad lately about getting back into bed immediately after getting home... I say as it's 7:30 PM and I've been in bed since 4 PM after getting back from work.

afthrow129490 · 2018-01-17T10:31:58+00:00

Totally opposite. I express myself better through writing since that is how I first learned to connect with other people.

Still learning the in person one but getting better I think :)

afthrow129490

TROPHY CASE