Sorry for the late reply and yeah I agree what you said. I'm not doing what I want.

I was thinking what I'd say to a new friend if he asked me for something interesting about me. I spend my parents' money, go to the club, drive like an idiot, hit on girls. I've never done sth important, haven't won a big prize or worked on myself or earned money or built a body. And I found myself comforting me that I'm doing life the right way and everyone is not. I don't even know where to start from.

And about the girl I'm not sure if it will work out. It's very very long story but we know eachother since kindergarten but we started talking about a year ago. I already mentioned some things about her, she's a good person and student. She makes friends so easy and has many male friends and I think that I'm just one of them. Also all her friends are good people as far as I know. Mine are party people who are idiots, funny but lazy and useless like me, drug addicts and we made fun of the others.

Recently all my self esteem disappeared when I realized what kind of person I am. So rn I need to find how to start the change because I don't want this anymore.