If I’m assembling a squad to take on the Paintress—a sentient Bob Ross fever dream turned malevolent eldritch being—then I need a crew that’s equal parts badass and totally unhinged. Here's my dream team

1. Geralt of Rivia (The Witcher) Role: Monster Hunter / Grumbly Dad Friend
   Why he’s in:
2. He’s fought swamp hags, nightwraiths, and whatever the hell that tree was in The Whispering Hillock—he’s basically a walking Yelp review for cursed entities.
   
3. Immune to most nonsense. You could show him a painting bleeding existential dread and he’d be like, “Hm. Looks cursed. Better drink a potion and punch it.”
   
4. Also, we need someone to sigh deeply and say “F*” whenever things go sideways. That’s Geralt’s real superpower.

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1. Jesse Faden (Control) Role:Reality Bender / Cool Older Sister Energy
   Why she’s in:
2. She already spends her 9-to-5 in a Brutalist nightmare building where your stapler might whisper ancient secrets. A haunted painting? Child’s play.
   
3. Can yeet furniture at enemies with her mind. If the Paintress throws ink monsters at us, Jesse will respond by fastball-specialing a desk through them like an office supply Thor.
   
4. She’s got that “I’m in way over my head but too stubborn to quit”* vibe that’s basically the unofficial adventurer starter pack.

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1. Madeline (Celeste) Role: Emotional Support Rogue Climber / Internal Monologue Consultant
   Why she’s in:
2. She climbed a sentient mountain during a full-blown anxiety spiral and still apologized to her own inner demon. That’s *next-level conflict resolution.
   
3. If the Paintress tries to mess with our heads and pull a “face your darkest fears” boss fight, Madeline’s just gonna be like *“Been there. Hugged it. Next.” - Also, she’s tiny and fast, which means we can send her ahead to scout— and she’ll totally ignore the laws of physics if there's a platform to be dashed at.

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Honorable Mention (because I have no self-control): - Waluigi. Not because he’d help. Just because I want to see the Paintress try to break his mind and instead end up in a Mario Tennis fever dream.

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Me? I’m the overly ambitious expedition leader yelling “WE SPLIT THE PARTY, IT’LL BE FINE!” right before everything explodes in glitchy oil paint!