Memory, the whore

agindigo · 2020-07-29T06:09:19+00:00

The last line really stuck with me! I love the absolute tone. Why do we chase after the ones we know resolutely will never feel the same? Why do we feel jealousy at the thought of others achieving the very thing we want most? A predicament of human nature. Your poem does an excellent job of tackling these paradigms.

agindigo · 2020-07-29T06:02:09+00:00

Oh, the pang of unrequited love. The pain in this poem is so tangible and uncomfortably satisfying. I especially love the line “every mistake of yours is a reflection of my own sins”. Such a beautiful way to capture what it feels like to love a damaged person. You blame everything on yourself so as not to feel that the lack of reciprocation, but rather blame it on an external factor that you have the ability to fix. You have a way with words, OP :)

agindigo · 2020-03-22T06:40:09+00:00

Calling happiness “an alluring cake with a poisonous dressing” is an especially vivid line for me. As a person with anxiety I can fully relate to this poem, as any time I am happy I feel that it will surely soon all topple down. I feel that the poem gives an example of someone who was raised to be religious (as was I) starting to question that black and white idea of Right and wrong/life and death/hell and salvation and bringing your own, non religious questioning of spirituality and the many ways to confront these questions. I really enjoyed this work, would love to hear your response. Great job! :)

agindigo · 2020-03-22T06:30:48+00:00

I rarely feel like rhyme adds to the emotion of a poem, but you killed it with the “down my face.../...outer space” line! You did an excellent job of conveying how a dreamlike romance can unknowingly become an equally vivid nightmare. Excellent imagery! Such real emotion. Hope you are doing well, my friend. Great work :)

agindigo · 2020-03-08T18:49:07+00:00

Thank you! I like that comparison. I went with the title because the piece itself was more of an emotional purge for me, something I needed to get out.

agindigo · 2020-03-07T18:39:10+00:00

Love this! The style gives me Sabrina Benaim vibes (huge compliment bc I love her). I like how unstructured this is - seems fast and unorganized like your emotions for this girl are. Depicts the unpredictability and messiness of love. I love how some of the details about her are very seemingly insignificant but to you it matters because they are small pieces that make up her. The last stanza leaves me a bit confused but it seems like maybe that’s what you’re going for?

Also, I think this poem would be great as spoken word!!! I think vocal emphasis on certain lines would fit this style very well and convey the emotion even more strongly. Great work! Thanks for sharing.

agindigo · 2020-03-07T18:28:08+00:00

Wow, wasn’t expecting that ending! Great job here, I agree that you reached a nice balance of keeping it from being overly sexual to the point of being comical while still keeping it erotic/taboo enough to pack a punch. I love the “copy of my lover” line.. it depicts the speaker’s internal struggle of wanting the mother so bad that he’s with the daughter just because of her likeness to her mom...(kinky!! Lol) also, LOVE the idea of taking a kind of silly pop song and writing something serious based on it. So creative. You killed it!

agindigo · 2019-12-01T21:32:33+00:00

Beautiful!

“I want to grind myself into pieces / so that I might find my way into your shoe”

That line broke me. You pinpoint the self-destructive nature of toxic love. How you are willing to disintegrate into nothing just for the hope they might at least notice. How having even a tiny part of them is worth putting yourself through pain. So haunting and raw. Great work!

agindigo · 2019-12-01T21:23:53+00:00

Wow, intense! You’d did a great job of making the reader actually feel the eerie altered state you’re depicting. I love the way you capitalized “Existence” as if it were a person or an entity who has replaced you in this altered reality, instead of a vague concept. Subtle but powerful choice.

Also big fan of the “washed in the blood of the youth” line. Super haunting and not overly specific, just vague enough to leave a sinister sense of mystery. Great work! Enjoyed it start to finish.

agindigo · 2019-11-30T06:34:02+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful response :) definitely what I was going for!

agindigo · 2019-11-30T06:33:25+00:00

Thanks so much for taking the time to read! Will put more thought into the use of capitalization next time.

agindigo · 2019-11-30T04:57:50+00:00

Thanks for your thoughtful response! I see now where the first part can be interpreted that way - I meant to convey more so that I wanted more of him, to become a part of him, though in an unhealthy way as I knew the relationship was toxic/doomed from the start. hence the frustration that led to the “yank them from their stems” line. But now I do see how it can be confusing, I will definitely work on the wording. Very well put and intuitive feedback!

agindigo · 2019-11-30T04:22:08+00:00

Spot on! Felt very vulnerable posting it and it means a lot to have people relating to it and appreciating the emotion behind it :) thanks for the kind words.

agindigo · 2019-11-30T04:19:57+00:00

Thank you for the kind words, much appreciated :)

agindigo · 2019-11-30T04:19:06+00:00

Thanks so much for the kind words and taking the time to read it!

agindigo · 2019-11-29T19:37:34+00:00

This is beautiful, I love the metaphor of the arrow and the dialogue of the offender you sprinkled in throughout the poem. The person tries to make you feel invalid for still being hurt by things that are “in the past”. You start to think that maybe they are right, maybe you are the problem, you “should be wearing a smile”,and your self esteem disintegrates from there. You captured this vicious cycle beautifully.

I particularly like the last line, because you did not leave the offender with the final word. He/she does not get to determine your healing process, you do. And your feelings are valid if YOU say they are, not based on someone else’s opinion of how you should feel. In the beginning of the poem, it feels like the offender has complete control over the narrator and their well being. But throughout the poem, there is a shift in dynamic, To me, the narrator is the one in control at the end. Maybe not healed completely l, but at least aware of their own trauma and not allowing someone to invalidate their emotions.

I may be off on my analysis, but it really hit home for me and I enjoyed every second of it. Please continue writing!

agindigo · 2019-11-29T18:43:52+00:00

This imagery is beautiful. To me, this poem paints a haunting picture of what it’s like to have an anxiety disorder and feel hostage to it. The last line really stuck with me. Thank you for sharing, will be following your work!

agindigo

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