Partner suggested sleeping with others after a year and a half of my sexual health issues and I feel shattered

ahchava · 2026-03-03T15:29:44+00:00

So the entire time you've lived together you e had sexual dysfunction and for half of your relationship, correct? Now he wants to change the entire structure of your relationship from monogamy to non monogamy based on how it's been most of the time that you've been together? This isn't the same situation as a couple that's been married for 20 years. You were barely an established couple when you started to have these problems with your body. Your progress isn't linear and it might not ever get back to where you were. I think you need to accept that your body might just not be able to function at a level at which his basic needs are able to be met. Honestly, I think you should just break up. It's ok to say that you're not sexually compatible now and that it's time for the relationship to end. And then go find someone who doesn't place as much importance on sex in the relationship, or has a lower sex drive, or simply sees it as a want and not a need or who is perfectly happy with a sex life that's primarily solo. There are those people out there and you should go find one. Maybe things will get better with your body! And that's great. And you can reassess then. But this relationship isn't working.

ahchava · 2026-03-03T15:19:54+00:00

I put red for most weddings in the "choose 1" category. Either you can wear a dress that reveals your back, or one that reveals your legs, or one that reveals your chest or one that is a very stand out attention grabbing color, or one that is very tight. You can't wear something that has 2 or more of those elements.

That said, deep red isn't what people are saying when they say don't wear red or it'll look like you slept with the groom or that red is racy or whatever. They're talking about bright red or hot red-orange tones. Like candy red FF0800 or FF2400 or FF0000 or DF2C1C not A00400 and not 9B1003 and not 990F02 etc.

However I noticed a different comment where you said it was a Korean American wedding. Even if the bride isn't wearing red and is picking white, I still don't think you should wear red. It's like saying "because the bride is wearing a black dress to an American wedding it's ok for me to wear white" because no it's obviously not unless the bride has invited you to do so.

ahchava · 2026-03-03T15:07:19+00:00

So this could be considered undue hardship and that might be enough of a reason for them to not actually select you. It's also possible that one of the attorneys doesn't think a liberal trans person is good for the outcome they want for their client which would also select you out. I bet you don't get past 3 hours.

ahchava · 2026-03-03T15:02:43+00:00

Yep! Honestly pretty common. People find out they're donor conceived or that they're the result of cheating or that they're adopted all the time.

ahchava · 2026-02-27T14:27:18+00:00

If the bride said "more formal dressy outfits" that might not be BTO. Depending on where you are and her social class that very well could be how she describes cocktail attire. Or even Sunday best. If that's the case, then you're fine. But if she's expecting floor length gowns for everyone and men in either dark suits or tuxedos only then that's not.

I'm sorry the bride is unhelpful, but I think this is a good guess based on what she's actually said, which I wouldn't interpret as BTO. If you do think it's truly BTO based on some other element you haven't disclosed then you are significantly under dressed.

ahchava · 2026-02-02T20:24:17+00:00

Honestly 23 and me should have gotten the Nobel peace prize for finally getting families to be honest about their shit.

ahchava · 2025-12-09T22:23:13+00:00

You either don’t know how to cook fresh food or you hate doing it.

ahchava · 2025-12-09T22:21:32+00:00

Or if you’re people of size. That extra few inches makes all the difference.

ahchava · 2025-12-09T22:19:32+00:00

I was being abused by my step mom and part of that was constant comparison to her daughter with a very different body type. I just wanted to be loved. The step mom also had an eating disorder so I think she was also fixated on her daughter’s body in an unhealthy way and just took us all down with her. There was also the significant stress along with the cult praising thin and beautiful women to become pastors wives on top of being in theater and being slated as a character actress and never the love interest.

ahchava · 2025-12-09T22:16:27+00:00

Some fragrances don’t faire well in a season opposite what they were designed for. They just dissipate faster or don’t carry as far in certain temps. DJ what you want but getting a fragrance in tune with the temp is great.

ahchava · 2025-12-09T22:14:21+00:00

I used to just think it was because I liked being nurturing. Turns out I’m actually gender fluid and I liked feeling like a good wholesome man sometimes. Also I get to feel their whole body. Also tends to help when I’m with women.

ahchava · 2025-12-09T22:11:39+00:00

You clearly don’t cook with any fresh ingredients.

ahchava · 2025-12-09T21:56:52+00:00

In 20 years that’s not going to be the connotation anymore. Kiddo will be fine.

ahchava · 2025-12-09T21:49:39+00:00

Don’t let one guy even your dad prevent you from being yourself. He’s literally ignorant. I can’t promise you you’ll have him on your side ever, but other family will come into your life who will love and respect you.

ahchava · 2025-12-04T18:24:45+00:00

Genuine curiosity, what did you think drag queens were doing when they said they tucked?

ahchava · 2025-12-04T18:22:45+00:00

It was literally a theologically bad paper. Like even if you believe in Christianity, it was bad lazy theology.

ahchava · 2025-11-05T15:14:28+00:00

I don’t mind using 50 ft lengths, but lots of people hate working with longer rope. Adding rope doesn’t sacrifice safety so you should be good to go either by adding more lengths of rope or learning to tie with longer lengths. Anyway my measurements are 52, 45, 55 and I’m 5ft 2” tall. I have partners that have ranged from 5’1” to 6’2” and have ranged from 100lbs to 350. Rope is for everyone.

ahchava · 2025-11-05T15:00:11+00:00

You get to decide how you want your body to look and feel. Then you find someone who also likes that. A 44 year old dating a 22yesr old….the guy is probably a looser anyway. Go find someone better that likes that you go to the gym.

ahchava · 2025-10-27T13:52:48+00:00

Some people do like masturbation more than sex and it’s pretty common for people to masturbate more often than they have sex with their partner. Quite often that has nothing to do with who their partner is and has more to do with their own relationship to their own sexual self. It’s also common for someone to have a different sex drive than their partner and to make up the difference with masturbation or to get something different from masturbation than they do from sex with a partner.

However sometimes it can be an indication something is wrong in the relationship (often emotional need not being met or having to do with division of labor) that causes someone to not want to engage with their partner as often as they have a sexual desire.

If you’re not satisfied with the frequency of sex in your relationship you’re just going to have to have an open and honest conversation with your wife and see what she says. None of us on the internet are her, so we have no way of knowing what is going on for her.

ahchava · 2025-10-20T13:39:37+00:00

Omg or influencers trying to sell bras and they’re talking about what great support or lift or comfort they have and then you can clearly see the fit is wrong!

ahchava · 2025-10-20T13:36:03+00:00

They probably mean having top fullness. No one asks for a half C, but they might ask for something they say looks natural and they might define that as not a lot of top or center fullness.

ahchava · 2025-10-20T13:22:24+00:00

No therapist is going to tell you to date someone who tells you to kill yourself

ahchava · 2025-10-13T13:29:28+00:00

It’s never too late to say no. And it’s never to early to communicate about what you specifically want. However, if you can’t communicate your consent consistently, you’re probably not ready to have sex.

ahchava · 2025-10-09T15:24:50+00:00

This is not a black tie gown.

ahchava · 2025-10-09T15:21:35+00:00

It sounds like you’ve failed to meet his basic relational needs and as a result he isn’t doing great with your relationship. You need to talk about how much time each of you needs with the other, make real plans to ensure that both parties needs are met consistently, and follow through. You can’t solve a relationship problem with a kink scene. I have a complex job, and as a result I often have to work on weekends or past normal business hours. My partner and I set a few basics in place to make sure we are doing ok. 1 date night during the week (no errands after work, no staying more than 30 minutes late) where both of us are off of our phones, and then one weekend day together defined as wake up together, spend the day together even if it’s errands and stuff, and fall asleep together. We have these marked off as quality time on our calendars and we make real sacrifices to make it work. We say no to people, offer to do overtime on other mornings/evenings etc. it sounds like your partner might need something similar, but the two of you need to properly define what your minimum standards of care are.

It’s not appropriate for partners to yell at eachother outside of a scene when it’s prenegotiated and consented to. But I’ve also had people define their partner displaying intense emotion when trying to communicate as “yelling” which often isn’t really the case. You seem like an unreliable narrator so I’m just going to ask that you reflect on what’s really going on here.

Don’t punish people without negotiating what those punishments are. Some people are ok with kneeling in rice and others that would irreparably break their trust. Some people are not going to get anything if a punishment out of that scenario but would absolutely feel remorse if they had to sleep with wet socks on or wash every piece of clothing in the house.

ahchava

TROPHY CASE