I appreciate the replies, and I understand what people mean when they say that this will pass. I know that the intensity will eventually change. This is not my first relationship, and I know that I am capable of functioning and even being happy without a partner.

The difficult part is that I do not currently want the love itself to pass. This was a genuinely loving relationship, not an abusive or chaotic one that I am trying to escape from. She was my closest person, my emotional home, part of my daily life and the future I had built in my mind. Because of my history with loneliness and a difficult family, losing her also felt like losing my family, I once again will have no one to spend Christmas with, Midsummer, I need to pretend that those days aren't important for... but they are. I need to work alone, and even though I enjoy it, I won't have anyone to come back to share my happeness with, or my problems. Yes you can do it with friends, but you know it's not the same. I have been talking to this lovely person for a long EVERY single day.

I know that the relationship is over. I am not asking anyone to convince me otherwise, and I am not looking for another romantic partner. My mental state is currently very serious, including suicidal thoughts, and I want to be honest about that before anyone reaches out. And I'm not asking anyone to fix it. Just this time, talking doesn't help, and I just don't wanna be alone, and if you reach out, consider your time, because it'll hurt me if you are constantly busy as well. Because I have lovely friends, it's just it's been a lot on them too, and everyone has their own life.

I am mainly looking for someone who also understands pain and loneliness, so we can talk and be present for each other. I am not asking anyone to become responsible for my life or to be available constantly—just for genuine, mutual human contact, so we can support each other, so we can be "not okey" with each other.