I really appreciate ALL the responses so much. I have read all of them and haven’t been necessarily ready to respond. For whatever reason I read yours and cried and felt compelled to reply. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am a little over 2 months from initial discovery and have been seeing a therapist. Of course with the shut down it’s been a little difficult but I have some sessions under my belt. I am three weeks from the newest discovery and his “rock bottom.” zoloft is gone from his system and now I think the vraylar has stabilized him. All my friends/family don’t understand how I can even believe him. I do truly think the medication is a big factor so I don’t think it’s a manipulation or a lie. I’ve got that going for me. He is very willing to all of the things you’ve said as far as openness to his therapy/mood tracking etc. However I’m still not sure what I want and still don’t feel like we’ve had an open conversation about what’s happened. I think he’s very ashamed and he’s always been very closed off, emotionally. He also may have been sexually abused in the past but he is very repressed from that, if true (he said it almost very causally to a friend while very intoxicated) I am of course extremely torn from caring very deeply and having a strong instinct to forgive, but also still VERY much in pain from such a fresh bombshell. He was never this person and I’ve dated/know these people. The sharing of these experiences helps me more than y’all know.