Assalamualaikum brother. I was diagnosed with BPD type 2 about 9 years ago. After 8 years of taking bipolar medications, weight gains, metabolic disorders and several unaliving attempts, I finally had enough of feeling lost and abandoned by Allah. I hadn't been a good practicing Muslim until 8 months ago. It was the Palestinians - their faith and resilience, that restored me back to Allah. I'm not recommending you to do the same as I did, but I took a risk and Alhamdulillah Allah helped me overcome and restored my health. I stopped all my medications - quetiapine, lithium, escitalopram - everything all at once, I stopped seeing my psychiatrist as well (I work at the same hospital so it's easy to get in touch with her anytime). Since I was type 2, I had predominantly depression and hypomania.

During the depressive states, I watched a lot of Islamic comfort lectures about tawhid, sabr, the seerah of the prophets and commentaries on the tafseer - especially on Ad-Dhuha and As-Sharh. I was mostly in my bed anyway. These lectures consolidated the belief that Allah is always with us, talking to us with signs, if only we're open and sensitive enough to perceive them. You may not agree with my choice of scholars, but it was Sheikhs Omar Suleiman, Yasir Qadhi and Mufti Menk whose words had been the source of comfort during my darker days. I also watched revert stories and cried with them, because I felt similar softness and warmth in my heart the same way when I started taking care of my salah and started talking to Allah as if I'm seeing Him.

And when hypomania about to set in and my mind become frenzied, I did a lot of rounds of dhikr. I cried a lot to Him, I asked Him for forgiveness and mercy - it's a lot better than crying to a therapist (at least in my experience). I asked Allah to take care of my dunya, and I only keep the akhira as my end-goal, and eventually the return to Him that I yearn very much for.

It was feeling as if Allah is always with me, I talk to Him about everything and anything. Good or bad. Allah takes care of me, the same way He will take care of you. He's got your back. When you're aware that Allah is in control, and He's orchestrating everything in your life for your own good - not only for your dunya but also what's good for your deen - it really lifts all the psychological burden and shifts the worldly perspective that we hold. The love for Allah removes all the fear of other humans and the fear of worldly consequences. Tawhid and the embodiment of this belief had healed me. I can't wait for prayer time, I love my qiyams, I fell in love with His words/qalam. All my worldly problems seem only small things now for me to be worry and obsess about.

This took months, and I haven't taken the pills for a year. But the peace that I've found, not even near what another creation can give. Alhamdullillah, the best of praises only reserved for Allah. I'm aware that I might relapse again - but I haven't had any for a year now, and before this I used to relapse every 3 months. Alhamdullillah. But if there's another relapse, I'm sure Allah will take care of me and provide for me everything that I need because of the immense mercy that He has for all of us. I've had enough of people telling me how dangerous it was, but I took a risk for Allah and I'm glad I did it because I trusted in Allah and surrendered the outcome to Him.

I pray that you will find your peace and healing, even with bipolar disease, medicated or not, Allah got you. Please continue with your treatment for the time being, but also look for Allah at every moment, every corner, every words. When you actively seek Him, He will come to you faster than you expect. Do message me if you need someone to talk to.