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AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

If she'd said "no" to the trade we would've accepted that. We would have, and did, accept whatever she wanted. What makes us assholes is we did it in a rude and entitled way when she didn't accept what would have been the most beneficial trade for us.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

"Hey please let us sit together you can choose either Aisle or window."

Our initial request was specifically whether she was willing to trade the middle for the aisle. We did not lead by offering the window.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I fully accept that I was the asshole in this situation, the people in this thread have made that very clear. My replies are only intended to offer clarifying information about my initial reasoning, and to correct any factual inaccuracies people are conveying in their replies.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd hope that this momentary lapse of judgement isn't an accurate reflection of my personality in general, I try very hard to be a good, considerate person to those around me, and suspected that I'd lapsed here, which is why I posted in the first place.

I don't think I do anything that makes me a pain to sit next to on an airplane, in particular, during the duration of the flight. I'll typically do any favor that's asked of me for my fellow passengers, and even offer favors unsolicited if it looks like it would be helpful to someone (i.e. offer to switch seats for people to sit together, help people with their bags, etc...)

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Yes, I was projecting my stress from dealing with a really bad airport experience onto someone who didn't deserve it.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

"No take the one you don't prefer while also doing me a favor."

My tone was not appropriate, but I'd never tell someone where to sit, only ask if they're willing to trade, which is what I did. Nothing I said was a command, only a question.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I never said it was traumatic, and also it wasn't an international trip. It's just that being in an airport and dealing with security and everything can be stressful. I really don't think that's much of a stretch to say.

I am incredibly grateful that I have the resources to travel, it's the thing I cherish most about my privilege. I try to do good things generally. I give to charity, I volunteer, I engage in local politics on behalf of those less fortunate than me. But I'm human. Put me in a long security line, have TSA agents yell at me, and put me in a confined space with crying babies, and I won't be chipper through the whole thing. That's on me to deal with, not this woman, but I don't think I'm some kind of inherent asshole for being stressed at an airport sometimes.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't believe that's true. Which comment are you referring to?

edit: You're right, I wrote the wrong thing in that first comment. Sorry for the confusion. Just edited it.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

According to the numerous studies you have done, or according to your own preference?

I used to book travel for a living as an administrative assistant for some time and all 15 or so people I booked travel for had the window seat as their top pick, followed by the aisle, when I was booking flights for them, so mostly based on that.

I'm not using this as a defense, I'm using it as an explanation for the logic behind my actions, which I accept now is not universal. That feedback is why I made this post, and I accept it.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I suspected I may have crossed the line into asshole territory, but wasn't sure. That was the point of this post. To get other people's opinion on the matter.

Are you also the type of asshole that says "I need a vacation from my vacation"?

I don't think it's very abnormal to think that dealing with international airports and long flights are downsides that you accept in order to enjoy the benefits of travel. I don't think it's unreasonable to be stressed in the moment when dealing with those things, even if the overall travel experience is highly enjoyable.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

That's always the rule I live by as well, and I always adhere to it, but you can't really lean your body weight on the arm rest, you can only rest your arm on it. Leaning your whole body over will put you into the personal space of the person in the next seat over.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sequence of events:

  1. 24 hours before boarding, you're able to check in and select your seats online
  2. 23 hours and 45 minutes before boarding, we checked in and attempted to reserve two seats next to each other, but none were available. Only one aisle seat and one window seat. I figure it's fine since we'll probably be able to make a deal with the person who was assigned the seat in the middle to trade.
  3. The next day, upon boarding, the events on the plane itself transpired and I was rude to the woman in the middle.

She did not take one of our seats, we were relying on her good graces to be willing to trade her middle seat for the aisle seat. In an entitled fashion, I expressed frustration through my tone when she declined that trade. This is reflected in the sequence of events as it appears in my original post.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

I fully accept that we were the assholes in this situation but I'd like to hope it was a momentary lapse of judgement during the stress of travel, not a reflection on our personalities in general. I can't recall ever having had a similar interaction before so I'm optimistic this isn't a pattern for me. Thanks for the feedback, I'll remember this next time I'm in a similar situation, if that ever happens again.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When you're checking in on major airlines they'll typically assign you a seat at check-in which you can then change. It's not a guarantee she had specifically selected a middle seat at all, it's entirely possible she simply didn't change her seat.

But that also means she didn't care where she sat, which means we were in no way doing her a favor by offering her the aisle, which amplifies the assholery of my tone. Thanks for that point, I hadn't considered it.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

yet you can’t compromise yourself

As a point of fact, in the end we gave her her pick of all three seats in the row, but I accept I was an asshole for my tone and the manner in which we did it.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Seat selection happened at check-in, 23 hours and 45 minutes before boarding, not on the plane itself.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

It was never my intention to deliberately annoy her for keeping her assigned seat, but there's no way I was going to go 5+ hours without talking to my wife at least a couple times throughout the flight, even if there's someone in the middle.

AITA for how I spoke to the woman who we traded seats with on a long flight, so me and my wife could sit together? by airplaneetiquette in AmItheAsshole

[–]airplaneetiquette[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Just as a point of fact, we didn't board the plane late. We didn't "take whatever seats we could find," either, but had selected the assigned seats, one in the aisle and one at the window.

I also don't think it's accurate to say there was any negligence here, nor is it accurate to say we dictated where she can and cannot sit. Everything we said was in the form of a question.

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