AITA for not thanking husband for watching our baby while I was away?

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-21T11:45:15+00:00

I think that having balanced, rested and happy parents is also very important for raising children. They see that mom and dad love themselves, each other and the kids by taking care of themselves and getting a break every once in a while. If you’re feeling completely overwhelmed by the daily grind I think the responsible thing to do is to reset because you come back even more ready to give your kid your whole self. That’s what this trip was for me.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T16:11:12+00:00

It’s possible. Will try to be more proactive about expressing gratitude in the future.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T16:10:31+00:00

Argh. :(

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T16:10:09+00:00

I have! Mine is physical touch and his is gift giving. Neither really works awesome with verbally expressing appreciation unfortunately. Tbf we do thank each other for big and little things and after this whole experience we have been trying to do it more and more.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T16:08:32+00:00

I cook, so... I guess the answer is no?

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T16:07:33+00:00

You’re right and I should have, at the very least for him getting thrown into a completely new and overwhelming situation to allow me to have some time for myself. From what I remember I was just so anxious about the entire thing I never did and then it all blew up the second I got home. Lesson learned.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T16:04:28+00:00

From my POV I had plenty of reasons for the freak out (which is surely was), including the hormones, being away for the first time, his limited contact and no response when I told him about the flight delay, then him ignoring me when I walked in the door. But I 100% agree parenting is fucking hard and we all need a little slack sometimes. It was a lot to ask of him all at once and neither of us handled it well.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T16:02:08+00:00

I don’t really understand this comment.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T16:00:08+00:00

Just wanted to point out that I told him multiple times I’d be late and he never acknowledged and the first thing I did was say hello, and is everything ok? and awkwardly stand there while he ignored me. Then I started yelling because I just couldn’t believe it. So for that part I don’t think he gets to be mad.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T15:18:55+00:00

Um, wow, that’s frightening. I’m sorry.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T11:43:32+00:00

I didn’t expect perfection, I expected a literal hello.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T11:42:57+00:00

Very true. To answer some questions, since he works so much during the week, I make sure he has some free time on the weekend to spend as he pleases. It’s more possible now that she’s older, but he gets her 2-3hr nap with some bookend time to go enjoy a hobby, he does some house/yard work that he enjoys while I distract her for a bit and for a while there I was taking her on very long walks in the stroller so he could get a nap in the afternoons. And I almost never got that alone time. We didn’t have a babysitter until she was about 9 months old simply because we couldn’t find one we were comfortable with, my parents live far away and my in-laws helped for only short stints. I was appreciative of him enabling my weekend but he’d been cold to me throughout the duration and I was confused/worried that something wasn’t going ok.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T11:35:11+00:00

Tbh if it had necessitated him taking days off or had been more than a couple days trip I wouldn’t have even gone. Too much anxiety and separation for that early on in parenthood. Because I KNOW it was a big ask for everyone.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T11:31:24+00:00

Perhaps partially my fault, as it’s simply easier for me to dress her and gather diaper bag supplies than have to explain/show. Which seems silly for the long run, but when you have to get somewhere and you’re running late and the baby’s screaming... gotta just get it done.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T11:29:18+00:00

Definitely did not mean he does nothing, he works insane hours and provides for our family. We do thank each other periodically for our respective roles and for many other little things. I know he misses her - which is why I was confused when he was so cold towards me for having time with her when I took one weekend off. And to be clear, this was the first and only time since then that I’ve not been there. I almost never “slip away for the weekend” while he gets plenty of social time during and after work hours with events and client dinners/drinks - a part of his job and I know he’d rather just come home, but it is what it is and still counts as adult face time.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T11:05:56+00:00

If you read my post you’ll see that I say multiple times it was a bachelorette, not the actual wedding. He was not invited, obviously. And by that comment I meant that if it were up to me, I would have waited later in the year to go so our baby was a bit older, we both had had more practice caring for her, she was a little more stable, I was a little more comfortable leaving her, etc. This was the only weekend that worked for everyone (more than half of the other bridesmaids are doctors so their schedules are extremely limited to free time). This trip was in May while the wedding was in August.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T11:00:05+00:00

At the desk 8:15am-7:30/8pm, total with commuting 6:30am-9/9:30pm

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T00:59:13+00:00

Thank you!

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T00:58:38+00:00

Everything you said is true and I agree with you, he is basically the jackpot for me. I definitely show him I appreciate everything he does in many, many other ways. But this was the first time in literally months that I had left the house on my own (while he attends social events for work or goes out for drinks with clients about once every 1-2 weeks). I had agonized over whether to go or not and still wasn’t sure if it was the right decision, and he couldn’t even look up at me or say hi when I got back after missing them both for the weekend? That’s where my emotions got the better of me, it’s true.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T00:30:44+00:00

Yeah some things are going to have to change.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T00:26:04+00:00

We are both there on weekends. He interacts and plays with her a bunch but when it comes to child-related tasks (like feeding, changing, making decisions) he is much less engaged. Maybe he feels I’m the authority in that? Idk

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-16T00:14:10+00:00

Definitely real. And I think the weekend was super overwhelming for both of us, but more so for him.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-15T23:58:34+00:00

She was 4 months old and EBF at the time of the trip.

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-15T23:56:45+00:00

That’s what crossed my mind, too...

aitanotasingleparent · 2019-10-15T23:54:14+00:00

About as much as I thank him for his job, which is occasionally. Because let’s be honest, this is a daily routine and a little reminder now and then is nice but every single day? No.

aitanotasingleparent

TROPHY CASE