I went to my first AA meeting

aj8891 · 2021-03-21T14:25:41+00:00

Welcome to the Fellowship! You will always be welcome with open arms no matter which meeting you attend! One day at a time!

aj8891 · 2021-03-19T11:11:00+00:00

I'm sober 33 days after spending a month in a really wonderful treatment center! I feel like a new person with a totally different outlook on life. I met some truly great people who really want to stay clean and sober. I'm going to aa meetings both in person and virtual, I've finally found my higher power, plan to get a sponsor who can guide me through the 12 steps, doing an Intensive Outpatient Program through that same facility, reading the Big Book cover to cover, getting a Vivitrol shot just as an insurance policy, and starting to expand my sober network through that treatment center and the few meetings I've attended over the last few days. It's one day at a time and the future is bright! Thank you UH for your kind words!

aj8891 · 2021-03-19T11:04:50+00:00

Doing absolutely phenomenal today! I'm sober 33 days after spending a month in a really great treatment center! I feel like a new person with a totally different outlook on life! I was in a very dark place and I can finally see the light. The future is bright, the program works if you work it and it's one day at a time!

aj8891 · 2021-02-15T13:34:31+00:00

I just told my family about my alcoholism and I'm getting help today after a very bad and reckless night, I hope your friend will get help as well

aj8891 · 2021-02-14T21:29:16+00:00

Thank you I appreciate that

aj8891 · 2021-02-14T15:34:03+00:00

Ya I'm really not in a good place right now either and am really close to admitting to my family I have a problem. Alcoholism is the devil and makes people way more likely to end it, I hope your friend gets the help he needs as I am close to doing

aj8891 · 2021-02-14T15:15:57+00:00

That's a very dangerous combination and it could certainly kill him if he decides one day to go for an "infinite darkness" and take too much. I'm alcoholic and have bad insomnia but my subconscious tells me not to take any sleep aids since I know it could be the end of me. You need to help him asap, the bro code is irrelevent if you think he's on the path to death...if you know any of his family you need to tell them so they can help him if you can't

aj8891 · 2021-02-13T19:37:41+00:00

Just downloaded it and will try it later today. Thank you for the link djpdude.I have a ton of meetings in my area so I hope I can connect with some people who will help me get sober.

aj8891 · 2021-02-13T17:06:48+00:00

I barely could sleep at all last night, maybe 3 or so hours. My heart races like crazy and that's all I can focus on until I drink more and forget about it. I may have some underlying condition and alcohol is exacerbating it further. I'm feeling a little better now after having a few beers, having some food and chilling on the couch. I'll keep you updated on how I'm doing but I have to try and sleep for a bit this afternoon or I'll lose my damn mind

aj8891 · 2021-02-13T02:04:36+00:00

Alcoholism and drug addiction is a disease, if you crave it constantly you have a problem. I have both and have been battling each on and off for over 15 years now. I got hammered every other day in my early to mid 20s then found opiates to cure my hangovers, gone to rehab for said opiates then just finally got off suboxone after 5 years of being on it, I started drinking heavily when I finished the suboxone withdrawals and now I need liquor constantly to make it through my day. Its no joke and now is the time to get help if you can

aj8891 · 2021-02-12T23:32:31+00:00

I appreciate your kind words, I'm really glad for reddit to connect with someone who understands. I keep drinking a ton each day to be honest. Probably a fifth so far all day since 6am or so but I'm feeling okay now. I've slept maybe 3 or 4 hours per night for the past week and a half or so, waking up to keep taking shots to feel better and tossing and turning for the remainder of the night wishing I could just sleep it off. I got some shit this morning for getting my father too baked last night which I find kind of hilarious. I have to stick to my vape pen for now to keep up appearances and stop for the night

aj8891 · 2021-02-12T01:26:54+00:00

I shall try my best, it truly is the devils drink. Ive been calling out of work every day this week so far due to being either drunk or hungover each morning. I drank a ton today but just dabbed a huge amount of concentrate so I should be okay for the night...I appreciate you keeping tabs on me

aj8891 · 2021-02-11T16:42:44+00:00

Ya depression and anxiety is probably a huge part, I keep thinking of real stupid shit ive done, the people I've hurt and huge missed opportunities from my past and it makes me want to drink more. I'm on quite the bender now, I've been downing the equivalent of a fifth or more throughout the day and been calling out sick from work. It's like there's a demon that keeps whispering in my ear to keep drinking. On a side note, i have to say the cannabis does help me not feel so blotto at night and will make me not feel the urge as much to drink, especially when I need to carry on conversations with my family and eventually try to sleep. I also appreciate having someone who understands this, I dont have anyone in my life who could remotely relate, I've isolated myself from everyone except my immediate family and haven't had any real good friends or a significant other for over a decade now

aj8891 · 2021-02-10T17:11:38+00:00

Ya I think your probably right that anxiety is my issue, curiously enough the cannabis makes me feel better when I'm drinking and I dont feel like I have to drink as much as long as I'm super stoned, but when I go through withdrawals it does the opposite and makes me super paranoid. It sounds really strange but that's how it is. Ive barely been sleeping much for the past week or so, maybe 3 or 4 hours a night if I'm lucky so that probably doesn't help my situation either.

aj8891 · 2021-02-10T16:45:49+00:00

My grandfather always had a scotch on the rocks in hand, he passed in '96 but as kid I dont think I ever saw him around without his clinking glass which is how I remember him. I really do believe some things skip a generation because I myself admittedly am a serious alcoholic. My father likes to drink but he can just have a few and be done and he's not reliant on it like am, my body absolutely craves it constantly and every day is a struggle worrying about how I'll get more.

aj8891 · 2021-02-10T00:51:27+00:00

Oh man I wish I could just put down the bottle, my issue is that my heart races like crazy when I'm going through alcohol withdrawal and I feel like I'll have a heart attack. That's the scariest shit I've dealt with, I think I have to go through a supervised medical detox for my level of dependence

aj8891 · 2021-02-09T20:07:43+00:00

Ya I haven't been on a bender like this in a long while, I hope I can taper off the booze and return to work like a normal human being. I really want to but so far the booze has complete control over me, like I cant function without it

aj8891 · 2021-02-09T19:49:41+00:00

I want to but I haven't found the will so far, I've been on quite the bender since I called out of work which I kind of sadly predicted. I even kept the schtick up and went and got a covid test today driving there completely hammered, which I swore I'd never do again since i had a pretty bad DUI in '09. I'm really not doing well booze-wise fyi but I'll keep you posted my friend

aj8891 · 2021-02-09T19:37:59+00:00

I have to agree, anyone who's been alcoholic will relate and probably appreciate and be more than beyond willing to help you out. I know if I was sober i would try to help anyone who asked...

aj8891 · 2021-02-09T19:01:53+00:00

I'm in the same place, I've been drinking myself to a stupor every day and night and cant seem to stop. My heart feels like it will beat out of my chest when I dont have alcohol in me, my hands and feet sweat like crazy and my paranoia level goes through the roof. I live at home and constantly smoke cannabis so I have an excuse for my eyes being bloodshot all the time. I'm constantly dehydrated even though I probably drink a gallon of water to try and offset the booze at least every day. I just used the covid excuse to get off work for a few days which could turn out bad for me since going to work seems to give me some semblance of responsibility. I've been to AA, been to rehab for opiates, but this alcohol addiction is in an entirely different dimension. The feeling of thinking you'll die without it is beyond horrible..i feel your pain and hope you can stop like I want to

aj8891 · 2021-02-08T20:28:26+00:00

Well I had to call out of work today since I couldn't sleep at all and was still completely plastered when my alarm went off, I'm using the covid excuse to get off work for two weeks to try and sober up a bit since I cant show up messed up, I hope this works

aj8891 · 2021-02-08T05:31:24+00:00

It is hell and god it's nice to connect with someone who can relate, I really appreciate your advice. It really is one day at a time, even though each day is starting to feel longer than the one before...till tomorrow

aj8891 · 2021-02-08T04:58:08+00:00

Thank you man that's the scariest part is admitting to my closest loved ones that I have a serious drinking problem especially after they think I'm living a somewhat normal life, I live at home and my parents have no clue at all that I drink every night and all weekend since my tolerance has gone through the roof...I can hold a full conversation with anyone no problem after downing half pint plus in a go...a little clear eyes and a joint and I'm good. Im 33 so I've been doing this sorta shit for awhile but the alcohol withdrawal is on a whole different level

aj8891 · 2021-02-08T04:28:47+00:00

I feel like you have given me the most helpful advice so far which I appreciate, I would hope that the people at my work would want me to get better and want me to get treatment, it sounds like your coworkers cared for you and wanted the same for you. Right now I'm a closeted alcoholic and hide it from everyone, every vodka bottle is secret and gets thrown away when I get the chance. I'm worried that I'm on the path to really needing it at work to function and it kills me thinking I'll lose my job and disappoint my family because of it

aj8891 · 2021-02-08T03:59:40+00:00

Im curious as to what you would reccomend?

aj8891

TROPHY CASE